It's late. Greek makes my head hurt. I haven't slept enough lately and the knowledge of not getting enough homework done over break is haunting my thoughts. I procrastinate, write blogs, and spend time with friends when I should be working. Organs inside me crawl very much aware of the work required in order to be "on track." Define normal?
I'm 22. I grew up in church. Things have been easy for me my entire life. I'm really good at telling people about things I don't do myself. Hypocrisy. I've been "single" for 2 1/2 years always on the verge of a poor decision. The same sins that wrecked me as a 14 year old cloud my thoughts today. In my cowardice I want to attribute my trespasses to someone/something else. Most of my life has been about me...plain and simple, it is my world. People tell me I'm nice, funny, smart, talented, charismatic, etc...I'm none of those things. I struggle and wrestle and search and plead and hurt and cry and beg. Things aren't easy. I know my sins. Why won't they let me be?
The last 7 days have bore the aftermath of my wracked brain reaching its end. Christmas break- a break for some but not for I. Holiday for most but for me a lie. I am naked before God. He has stripped me bare and I stand before Him in judgment expecting condemnation much deserved. Instead I hear a verdict stating my sentence has been served. My death and suffering have been accomplished by another- there is good news. My wretched estate has been redeemed by the Lord of the Earth and I weep joyously. Ever thankful, never forgetting, eternally repentant, and overwhelmed with gratitude. Though I was found lacking now I am loved.
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
While I AM A SINNER...I AM A SINNER...and Christ died for me. Praise Him.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Christmas
Let me first say Merry Christmas to all. I have just finished studying some Greek and felt that need for a blogging fix (currently tapping my forearm to ready the veins for intravenous drug use). So here I am, talking about Christmas, along with everyone else in the world. For most Christmas is a joyous celebration and they don't even know why. I find it strange to party when you don't know why you're partying. Whatever else, people enjoy the days off of work and the time with family. If you read this, here's a crash course update- God created the world and man screwed it up. Since that screw up all of creation has been exposed to futility and struggle and every human being was bound to sin, unable to escape. Apparently sometime in winter roughly two thousand and eight years ago, a child was born to a virgin- the King of the Jews. The King was born not in a royal palace, a sterile delivery room, or even a room of any sort. He was born in a trough in the middle of a barn, and still people came from all over to worship Him. We commemorate his birth with a celebration because He has saved us from sin and made us capable of relating to God through death on a cross. So Christmas is a wonderful/happy/momentous/joyous/miraculous celebration of the fact that a sovereign God did not ignore our helpless estate here on earth but responded to our despair by sending His one and only Son, Jesus, to save those that He has called. Praise Christ.
That being said, I have always found gift giving on Christmas a strange phenomenon. Jesus was born, here is everything you asked for from a man with a white beard. Aren't you ecstatic?
I think to really grasp the idea of gift giving and how pleasant it can be we must first hold firm to the birth of Jesus and what He has called us to do. We must serve- the gospel penetrates our hearts, transforms us, and we become servants to the King born in a manger. As servants we are required to SERVE- we must serve. Buying gifts is one form of serving those around us, and who better to serve than our family? Those that bring us the most grief and headaches- we serve them. We bring them gifts, show them mercy, serve them good food, and worship our God through all of this. How wonderful a Holiday? :D
Last thing: as you move through the day tomorrow remember this.
Matthew 7:11 "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
Amen
That being said, I have always found gift giving on Christmas a strange phenomenon. Jesus was born, here is everything you asked for from a man with a white beard. Aren't you ecstatic?
I think to really grasp the idea of gift giving and how pleasant it can be we must first hold firm to the birth of Jesus and what He has called us to do. We must serve- the gospel penetrates our hearts, transforms us, and we become servants to the King born in a manger. As servants we are required to SERVE- we must serve. Buying gifts is one form of serving those around us, and who better to serve than our family? Those that bring us the most grief and headaches- we serve them. We bring them gifts, show them mercy, serve them good food, and worship our God through all of this. How wonderful a Holiday? :D
Last thing: as you move through the day tomorrow remember this.
Matthew 7:11 "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
Amen
Friday, November 28, 2008
King David's Example
I've been reading the Psalms quite a bit lately. And while I realize that David did not write all of them, he did write around half...which is quite a feat. I remember listening to a Piper sermon talking about, "Songs that Shape the Heart," and the sermon addressed our privilege of always finding ourselves in the Psalms. No matter where we are or what emotion we are experiencing we can constantly find the words to articulate it in the Psalms...and that is an amazing and precious gift.
As I've been thinking on David's ability to articulate emotion and thoughts better than most of us; the thing that consumed my thoughts was his brutal honesty. David never hesitated to let everyone know what was going on in his life. He was the kind of guy you would never ask more than once how he was doing if you didn't want the real answer. If you disagree see Psalm 40:12, a Psalm that was sang in the temple as worship:
"For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me. "
Can you imagine singing those words? In any case...that is far from my point. In every Psalm no matter what the emotion or reason for writing we always see the name of God being praised, and the Psalter has faith that God will deliver him or her from whatever the particular circumstance. I chose David for this reason: David's life in 1 and 2 Samuel is marked by tragedy, trial, adversity, and mourning. The man endured more pain and sorrow than most of us could imagine- and yet in the midst of all his pain and suffering he could turn to God and speak endlessly (about 73 Psalms worth) of the goodness of God. No matter what the circumstance or situation David never refused to acknowledge the greatness of Yahweh...there was no doubt. While he may temporarily feel forsaken his assurance was in God- his fate rested in the hands of his God who has never failed, will never leave him nor forsake him, and who created him and placed him in the midst of whatever struggle and pain he was currently enduring.
Throughout history the Christian church has been marked by an ability to suffer nobly- and the reason for this is those people who suffered long and endured most were granted a portion much greater than whatever they faced in this day. They knew Jesus- and that was all that mattered. I find myself so often complaining about where I am in life; wanting more; unhappy- and quite honestly a whiner.
Oh wretched man that I am. How glorious is God that He would look on me with love? Give me grace to walk this path Father- and I pray that I would suffer greatly in order to make your name glorious to whoever may see.
As I've been thinking on David's ability to articulate emotion and thoughts better than most of us; the thing that consumed my thoughts was his brutal honesty. David never hesitated to let everyone know what was going on in his life. He was the kind of guy you would never ask more than once how he was doing if you didn't want the real answer. If you disagree see Psalm 40:12, a Psalm that was sang in the temple as worship:
"For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me. "
Can you imagine singing those words? In any case...that is far from my point. In every Psalm no matter what the emotion or reason for writing we always see the name of God being praised, and the Psalter has faith that God will deliver him or her from whatever the particular circumstance. I chose David for this reason: David's life in 1 and 2 Samuel is marked by tragedy, trial, adversity, and mourning. The man endured more pain and sorrow than most of us could imagine- and yet in the midst of all his pain and suffering he could turn to God and speak endlessly (about 73 Psalms worth) of the goodness of God. No matter what the circumstance or situation David never refused to acknowledge the greatness of Yahweh...there was no doubt. While he may temporarily feel forsaken his assurance was in God- his fate rested in the hands of his God who has never failed, will never leave him nor forsake him, and who created him and placed him in the midst of whatever struggle and pain he was currently enduring.
Throughout history the Christian church has been marked by an ability to suffer nobly- and the reason for this is those people who suffered long and endured most were granted a portion much greater than whatever they faced in this day. They knew Jesus- and that was all that mattered. I find myself so often complaining about where I am in life; wanting more; unhappy- and quite honestly a whiner.
Oh wretched man that I am. How glorious is God that He would look on me with love? Give me grace to walk this path Father- and I pray that I would suffer greatly in order to make your name glorious to whoever may see.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Prophetic Untimeliness
"...an unprecedented Christian pursuit of relevance has led directly to an unprecedented Christian irrelevance. (p. 45)" Prophetic Untimeliness- Os Guiness
I'm reading this book. You should join me...it is a quick read, and frighteningly accurate. As I move through the pages I see more and more of the church (myself included) and the words ring true. The point: Evangelical Christians today are in desperate pursuit of relevance and are willing to sacrifice most to gain it- including Scripture, truth, faithfulness, and the Gospel. At one point Guiness writes that we have moved from Solo Scriptura to Solo Cultura. Culture has become the point that defines what we talk about, what we do, and how we act in Church. We have moved from only Scripture- meaning that the Word of God is sufficient and all satisfying, to a world where our church goers have to be entertained. Good teaching is no longer enough- we have to be cutting edge.
I'm not preaching irrelevance...clearly that is not the solution to this. But I do hope and pray for a return to reverance and fearful respect of Scripture. The inspired Word of GOD will never be irrelevant- it has withstood the trials of fire and time for thousands of years- and to think that we can revise and replace the Bible with our own "better" and "more relevant" thoughts is outright stupid.
I'm reading this book. You should join me...it is a quick read, and frighteningly accurate. As I move through the pages I see more and more of the church (myself included) and the words ring true. The point: Evangelical Christians today are in desperate pursuit of relevance and are willing to sacrifice most to gain it- including Scripture, truth, faithfulness, and the Gospel. At one point Guiness writes that we have moved from Solo Scriptura to Solo Cultura. Culture has become the point that defines what we talk about, what we do, and how we act in Church. We have moved from only Scripture- meaning that the Word of God is sufficient and all satisfying, to a world where our church goers have to be entertained. Good teaching is no longer enough- we have to be cutting edge.
I'm not preaching irrelevance...clearly that is not the solution to this. But I do hope and pray for a return to reverance and fearful respect of Scripture. The inspired Word of GOD will never be irrelevant- it has withstood the trials of fire and time for thousands of years- and to think that we can revise and replace the Bible with our own "better" and "more relevant" thoughts is outright stupid.
Monday, November 17, 2008
The Reality and the Return
It has been a much needed reprieve from the world of blogging recently...most of the "bloggers" I know have joined me in the absence from internet release and I can't exactly say it was all for the same reason, but I can speak for myself in saying that it has been greatly utilized as a period of restoration in my heart. So I come to you, fingers placed neatly on home row, back slouched slightly, ears attentively hearing my good friend Jimmy Needham plucking the guitar strings and singing love songs to God; and I'm inspired...
I found myself in the "pulpit" of our junior high service on Sunday, a place I am certainly familiar with and have grown to love. I enjoy being with the kids, sharing the gospel with them, trying to make them laugh...but this week we talked about giving. Giving. Can you think of a topic that makes Christians and non-Christians alike so uncomfortable? After giving my own version of a sermon on giving I enjoyed hearing Pastor Dale Oquist speak on the same subject with wisdom and charisma...but parting the church yesterday I was left with afterthoughts. I am by no means trying to undercut anything that was said Sunday...I believe it whole-heartedly. It is hard to give...but we have to do it. But my thoughts on the subject sort of unfolded this way:
1) At some point I'd like to hear the story of someone who gave to God and didn't have enough to keep their house...but through it all God was enough.
2) Do we really do "automatic withdrawals" from our accounts because writing a check in church is too difficult?
3) Somewhere along the way I think we lost the attitude of giving as an act of worship.
Again, I want to state that these thoughts are not mutually exclusive from the sermon on Saturday, nor are they contrary at all to what was said...I just want to clear some things up. I do believe that when we give to God He will provide for us and that provision will be exactly what we need. But sometimes what we need isn't what we want- i.e. we want to keep our house even though we can't afford it; so in turn we stop giving. I always hear stories about people who wanted to keep all their stuff and still give and they always had just enough. Praise God for that...but some weird part of me longs for a story of a man who gave his tithe and his offering and couldn't afford his house or his car or his HDTV so he sold it all...but ultimately was more satisfied with a deepened and richer walk with Christ than everything he possessed. I think sometimes when we focus on giving as, "God is going to provide for me so let me put this out there and see what the return is..." we are left with an undefinable awkwardness. That's not the call, giving is not only our responsibility, it is our great joy to give to Christ- and it makes Him look glorious which increases the joy we experience. So with our new heart and desires we help others and we push back darkness and God is the center of those actions- not ourselves. That's why we don't "let our left hand know what our right hand is doing." God is made to look glorious when we give in the midst of economic turmoil and struggle with a joyous heart...
With all due respect to everyone who reads this blog (whoever you are- the one lone soul) I hate electronic withdrawal tithing. Ugh...it turns my stomach. Giving is worship- musical worship has hijacked our worship language and so we think of singing as worship- and when we don't even know when our tithe and offering are removed from our account I think we are missing the point. God doesn't need our money but our giving out of obedience and in joy glorifies Him. And to miss that opportunity for worship is stupid to me. Sorry if you are offended...
I'm pretty opinionated.
I found myself in the "pulpit" of our junior high service on Sunday, a place I am certainly familiar with and have grown to love. I enjoy being with the kids, sharing the gospel with them, trying to make them laugh...but this week we talked about giving. Giving. Can you think of a topic that makes Christians and non-Christians alike so uncomfortable? After giving my own version of a sermon on giving I enjoyed hearing Pastor Dale Oquist speak on the same subject with wisdom and charisma...but parting the church yesterday I was left with afterthoughts. I am by no means trying to undercut anything that was said Sunday...I believe it whole-heartedly. It is hard to give...but we have to do it. But my thoughts on the subject sort of unfolded this way:
1) At some point I'd like to hear the story of someone who gave to God and didn't have enough to keep their house...but through it all God was enough.
2) Do we really do "automatic withdrawals" from our accounts because writing a check in church is too difficult?
3) Somewhere along the way I think we lost the attitude of giving as an act of worship.
Again, I want to state that these thoughts are not mutually exclusive from the sermon on Saturday, nor are they contrary at all to what was said...I just want to clear some things up. I do believe that when we give to God He will provide for us and that provision will be exactly what we need. But sometimes what we need isn't what we want- i.e. we want to keep our house even though we can't afford it; so in turn we stop giving. I always hear stories about people who wanted to keep all their stuff and still give and they always had just enough. Praise God for that...but some weird part of me longs for a story of a man who gave his tithe and his offering and couldn't afford his house or his car or his HDTV so he sold it all...but ultimately was more satisfied with a deepened and richer walk with Christ than everything he possessed. I think sometimes when we focus on giving as, "God is going to provide for me so let me put this out there and see what the return is..." we are left with an undefinable awkwardness. That's not the call, giving is not only our responsibility, it is our great joy to give to Christ- and it makes Him look glorious which increases the joy we experience. So with our new heart and desires we help others and we push back darkness and God is the center of those actions- not ourselves. That's why we don't "let our left hand know what our right hand is doing." God is made to look glorious when we give in the midst of economic turmoil and struggle with a joyous heart...
With all due respect to everyone who reads this blog (whoever you are- the one lone soul) I hate electronic withdrawal tithing. Ugh...it turns my stomach. Giving is worship- musical worship has hijacked our worship language and so we think of singing as worship- and when we don't even know when our tithe and offering are removed from our account I think we are missing the point. God doesn't need our money but our giving out of obedience and in joy glorifies Him. And to miss that opportunity for worship is stupid to me. Sorry if you are offended...
I'm pretty opinionated.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Moron Jonah (you know that's good...)
I couldn't resist. I have since moved on from my reading in Jonah, but I can't help judging him. Which is kind of the point of the story I suppose? This blog is based on a few thoughts...1) Why is Jonah so intent on avoiding grace for Ninevah? 2) I find it hilarious when the Bible draws conclusions I don't understand and then I question why they are there. 3) It sounded really fun.
In answer to number 1- Why didn't Jonah want grace for Ninevah? What was it about these people that made him want their ultimate demise. Jonah was proud, and more than that, he was apparently a racist. I have done some research on the subject, read some articles, studied, prayed...all that jazz...and all signs point to Jonah wanting the best for Israel, and for everyone else to suffer under the wrath of God for what they've done. I mean, they are getting what they deserve, right? That was Jonah, they get what they deserve. If we're honest with ourselves, we think the same way. But the truth is, none of us get what we deserve. Jonah deserved to die, which is why he said throw me overboard and the sea will calm. He knew what he deserved only after God showed him. But we are all sinners, so when we wish ill on others because they have done wrong, we are wishing ill on ourselves because all we do is wrong. All of us like sheep have gone astray, each one has turned to his own way...(Isa. 53:6). All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23). We love the grace of God, we talk about how good the grace is to us and how God's grace has saved us. But why is it that we don't realize the guy on the corner who is a drug addict needs the same amount of grace as us. It wasn't measured out relatively, ALL HAVE SINNED!! ALL FALL SHORT! ALL HAVE GONE ASTRAY! The measurement was the cross, and we are no longer found wanting. Grace is sufficient for all...so rather than wishing God's wrath on others, why don't we share His grace?
2) The Bible draws conclusions I can't, and then I question them. In Jonah 4, God gives Jonah the plant for shade and then a worm eats through the plant. Jonah is dramatic and says kill me now, but apparently somewhere in there God decides that he has pitied the vine. The first time I read this I thought, "Whoa whoa...where did he get that from? Jonah never said anything about pitying the plant." And then I was like, "Oh, yeah, He's God. He can read his stupid mind and know exactly what he's thinking." So God teaches him a lesson from thoughts he didn't even convey. But isn't it just like an arrogant human mind to act and pray and speak one way and in our minds have an attitude in the opposite direction? Oh yes God heal them!! I'll pray for you, let me say all the words I know need to be said, and all the while my heart is wicked and black with gossip and bitterness...as if I can hide my thoughts from God? Even when I pray God doesn't hear my words, He hears my heart...and that is terrifying because my heart is unbelievably evil.
Oh Lord that we would be transparent and authentic, not lacking in anything but believing in faith that You are right. Trusting in You for You know more than we do.
In answer to number 1- Why didn't Jonah want grace for Ninevah? What was it about these people that made him want their ultimate demise. Jonah was proud, and more than that, he was apparently a racist. I have done some research on the subject, read some articles, studied, prayed...all that jazz...and all signs point to Jonah wanting the best for Israel, and for everyone else to suffer under the wrath of God for what they've done. I mean, they are getting what they deserve, right? That was Jonah, they get what they deserve. If we're honest with ourselves, we think the same way. But the truth is, none of us get what we deserve. Jonah deserved to die, which is why he said throw me overboard and the sea will calm. He knew what he deserved only after God showed him. But we are all sinners, so when we wish ill on others because they have done wrong, we are wishing ill on ourselves because all we do is wrong. All of us like sheep have gone astray, each one has turned to his own way...(Isa. 53:6). All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23). We love the grace of God, we talk about how good the grace is to us and how God's grace has saved us. But why is it that we don't realize the guy on the corner who is a drug addict needs the same amount of grace as us. It wasn't measured out relatively, ALL HAVE SINNED!! ALL FALL SHORT! ALL HAVE GONE ASTRAY! The measurement was the cross, and we are no longer found wanting. Grace is sufficient for all...so rather than wishing God's wrath on others, why don't we share His grace?
2) The Bible draws conclusions I can't, and then I question them. In Jonah 4, God gives Jonah the plant for shade and then a worm eats through the plant. Jonah is dramatic and says kill me now, but apparently somewhere in there God decides that he has pitied the vine. The first time I read this I thought, "Whoa whoa...where did he get that from? Jonah never said anything about pitying the plant." And then I was like, "Oh, yeah, He's God. He can read his stupid mind and know exactly what he's thinking." So God teaches him a lesson from thoughts he didn't even convey. But isn't it just like an arrogant human mind to act and pray and speak one way and in our minds have an attitude in the opposite direction? Oh yes God heal them!! I'll pray for you, let me say all the words I know need to be said, and all the while my heart is wicked and black with gossip and bitterness...as if I can hide my thoughts from God? Even when I pray God doesn't hear my words, He hears my heart...and that is terrifying because my heart is unbelievably evil.
Oh Lord that we would be transparent and authentic, not lacking in anything but believing in faith that You are right. Trusting in You for You know more than we do.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Jonah
I read two books of the Bible today. Before I finish bragging they were Jonah and Obadiah, so not that impressive. :D But anyways, I read the book of Jonah and something in it hit me for the first time. I always though Jonah ran because he was scared, chicken, yeller...and because he didn't want to go into a pagan city and proclaim God's wrath. In Chapter 4 he actually confesses his reason for running..."Oh Lord, is this not what I said when I was at home? That is why I was so quick to flee Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. Now, O Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live."
What a strange answer. I didn't wanna come because I knew I'd come here, tell them you'd destroy them, they'd get scared and act right before they got smacked right, and then you'd show compassion on them. Weirdness...why's Jonah so dumb?
I think we are this more than we care to admit. We want to see people get what they deserve. I know I do, even when I'm driving if someone flies past me (which is infrequent cause I'm the king of the road {Contrary to what nelly says}) I think to myself, how great would it be to see them get pulled over about a mile up? We like to see people get what they deserve, and yet we never want to get what we've earned.
Hypocrite? I know I am. (That may be my knew slogan)
What a strange answer. I didn't wanna come because I knew I'd come here, tell them you'd destroy them, they'd get scared and act right before they got smacked right, and then you'd show compassion on them. Weirdness...why's Jonah so dumb?
I think we are this more than we care to admit. We want to see people get what they deserve. I know I do, even when I'm driving if someone flies past me (which is infrequent cause I'm the king of the road {Contrary to what nelly says}) I think to myself, how great would it be to see them get pulled over about a mile up? We like to see people get what they deserve, and yet we never want to get what we've earned.
Hypocrite? I know I am. (That may be my knew slogan)
Saturday, September 13, 2008
There is no title to this blog...dang it...
It's late. My fan is humming in the background. I've been tossing and turning in silence for a few hours. Laughter is less appealing now than it's ever been. Everything hurts. I'm worried about the future...what does it hold? Where will I go? Who will I know? And more importantly, who will know me? Does anyone even know me now? It doesn't seem like it...sometimes I surprise myself.
I think sometimes God speaks through our hearts and we stumble into something/some place that we never intended to be. Every once in awhile that's greatness...other times it's simply a great thought. In my moments of surrender my mouth moves and things come out that I didn't know were there. God explaining Himself to me? Probably not...discovering reason and purpose for something I've been drawn to? Could be. Maybe I'm simply hysterical and hallucinating a reality that never really existed. Maybe I've created this alternate universe to dwell in simply because the harsh world I really exist in has beat me to a bloody pulp. Or just maybe God is slowly revealing His plan to my super slow mind and tonight two pieces of the puzzle fit together. But it didn't look like I thought it would. Stupid puzzle. I didn't choose it, it chose me. So now what, puzzle? What do I do now when it seems my rope is ending? Wait.
I will wait.
I think sometimes God speaks through our hearts and we stumble into something/some place that we never intended to be. Every once in awhile that's greatness...other times it's simply a great thought. In my moments of surrender my mouth moves and things come out that I didn't know were there. God explaining Himself to me? Probably not...discovering reason and purpose for something I've been drawn to? Could be. Maybe I'm simply hysterical and hallucinating a reality that never really existed. Maybe I've created this alternate universe to dwell in simply because the harsh world I really exist in has beat me to a bloody pulp. Or just maybe God is slowly revealing His plan to my super slow mind and tonight two pieces of the puzzle fit together. But it didn't look like I thought it would. Stupid puzzle. I didn't choose it, it chose me. So now what, puzzle? What do I do now when it seems my rope is ending? Wait.
I will wait.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
The Bucket List
I recently watched "The Bucket List" with my family and I really enjoyed it. If you haven't seen it, I would recommend it although it is a bit sad. There is a little language in it and some other stuff to deal with, but all in all it is a solid film. Plus, I love Morgan Freeman. But that's not the point. At the end of the movie Carter writes a letter to his buddy Edward and this quote ends it...
"My pastor always says our lives are streams flowing into the same river towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls. Find the joy in your life, Edward. My dear friend, close your eyes and let the waters take you home. "
I struggle with a lot of points in the quote looking at it theologically (obviously), but more than anything I enjoy the tone. Close your eyes and let the water take you home. It seems a bit like life is leading you somewhere doesn't it? Like life isn't just some random grouping of sporadic events thrown together in space and time to eclipse a span of 40-80 years. It's not as random as we'd like to thing. So I guess...where is life leading you? Where has the river of your life drifted by, and where exactly are you headed?
"My pastor always says our lives are streams flowing into the same river towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls. Find the joy in your life, Edward. My dear friend, close your eyes and let the waters take you home. "
I struggle with a lot of points in the quote looking at it theologically (obviously), but more than anything I enjoy the tone. Close your eyes and let the water take you home. It seems a bit like life is leading you somewhere doesn't it? Like life isn't just some random grouping of sporadic events thrown together in space and time to eclipse a span of 40-80 years. It's not as random as we'd like to thing. So I guess...where is life leading you? Where has the river of your life drifted by, and where exactly are you headed?
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Such a sweet revelation
I love the Bible. I love that when I read the Bible different passages mean different things to me at any given time. I love this book, I love the men (and women) who wrote it and starred in it.
I was reading Hosea tonight, my final stint in the book, and it jarred something sweet. As I read in chapter 14 Hosea calling the Israelites to repentance I couldn't help but weep in seeing myself in this book. "Return, Oh Israel, to the Lord your God. Your sins have been your downfall!" Attributed to nothing but our own rebelliousness, the broken nature of the world revealed in the destruction heaped upon a nation at this point. But he doesn't stop there. He urges them to repent, not in fear but in love and rationale. To see the goodness of God and come running. Hosea says take words with you. This is the ultimate statement. He's telling them, He doesn't want your money or your sheep or your cows or your wood or grain offerings! That's not what He is after! You are missing it, take words!! Bring words to the altar...words that show your heart and repentance, for once. It's all you need, cut open your heart and pour yourself out on this altar, calling out for help and he will come. I hear the desperation in Hosea's call to his people and I am overwhelmed with sorrow. Not only for them but for myself.
But there is more, a beautiful word and I am so glad he put it in there because it comforts me. As he talks about never forsaking God again we see God's nature. "For in you the fatherless find compassion." How amazing and wonderful is this God Hosea sees? Not that people should come running to Him in fear of His wrath (although it would be justified) but that they should come running in view of His mercy. He will provide all that they need, just come to him with an authentic heart and desire for Him.
"And oh how lovely, is the King in all His glory. Is the Christ who is holy, who was, and who is? And how amazing, is His love so unfailing. It's His grace that draws us near...It's His grace..."
I was reading Hosea tonight, my final stint in the book, and it jarred something sweet. As I read in chapter 14 Hosea calling the Israelites to repentance I couldn't help but weep in seeing myself in this book. "Return, Oh Israel, to the Lord your God. Your sins have been your downfall!" Attributed to nothing but our own rebelliousness, the broken nature of the world revealed in the destruction heaped upon a nation at this point. But he doesn't stop there. He urges them to repent, not in fear but in love and rationale. To see the goodness of God and come running. Hosea says take words with you. This is the ultimate statement. He's telling them, He doesn't want your money or your sheep or your cows or your wood or grain offerings! That's not what He is after! You are missing it, take words!! Bring words to the altar...words that show your heart and repentance, for once. It's all you need, cut open your heart and pour yourself out on this altar, calling out for help and he will come. I hear the desperation in Hosea's call to his people and I am overwhelmed with sorrow. Not only for them but for myself.
But there is more, a beautiful word and I am so glad he put it in there because it comforts me. As he talks about never forsaking God again we see God's nature. "For in you the fatherless find compassion." How amazing and wonderful is this God Hosea sees? Not that people should come running to Him in fear of His wrath (although it would be justified) but that they should come running in view of His mercy. He will provide all that they need, just come to him with an authentic heart and desire for Him.
"And oh how lovely, is the King in all His glory. Is the Christ who is holy, who was, and who is? And how amazing, is His love so unfailing. It's His grace that draws us near...It's His grace..."
Friday, August 22, 2008
Olly Olly Oxen Free?
Do you ever wonder why we struggle the way we do? Why in our greatest moments we feel like we can do no wrong, and yet any amount of time later we are left lacking...thinking we can do no right. I've always mused over the fickle nature of inspiration. I have time and again had thoughts like Peter, even if all the rest fall away Lord I will surely not. Brief fractions of time where I had the faith that could move mountains. I would die for God. I would never sin again. I was through with my old life.
And then the inspiration faded like a hit sitcom starring Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski and I was left feeling alone, in the dark once more just getting owned by sin. Where did that other guy go? Like Peter, the guy who cut off the guard's ear ready to fight to the death to rescue Jesus. And then even hours later denies the Christ he was going to die for to a little girl. WHERE DID IT GO? Why does inspiration have to leave? Such a fleeting desire...why must you continuously play with my mind?
And then the inspiration faded like a hit sitcom starring Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski and I was left feeling alone, in the dark once more just getting owned by sin. Where did that other guy go? Like Peter, the guy who cut off the guard's ear ready to fight to the death to rescue Jesus. And then even hours later denies the Christ he was going to die for to a little girl. WHERE DID IT GO? Why does inspiration have to leave? Such a fleeting desire...why must you continuously play with my mind?
Sunday, August 17, 2008
What in the world?
So I was watching the Olympics and listening to some MC today...no not Hammer, Chandler. He put this thought out there about how we expect everything in life to come quickly. Things just keep getting faster and faster. For instance: Emails, instant. Text messaging, instant. Customer Service, Better be quick. And finally (as Dane Cook would say) DMV, still takes forever.
I found myself holding true to this idea today. I was texting Lauren and when it would take like 30 minutes to get a response I wanted to freak out and throw my phone. Then I'm going over to the Oquist's crib for my play date and I hit traffic on I-5 north at 5:30 and I'm laying on the horn. "What in the world?"
In a world where we want everything instantly, "spirituality" does not fit into culture. What God promises is the relief from carrying the burden of sin, not relief from sinning. So being sanctified can sometimes feel like we aren't moving at all...and because we have been so oriented towards instant gratification we end up quitting on something. I'm guilty...again.
Forgive me Lord for my impatience. Help me to trust in your timing and not my own desires. As I wrestle my flesh will you triumph in every battle, outlasting and enduring the onslaught of the enemy. I will wait for you Lord, and strength will rise as I wait. Amen.
I found myself holding true to this idea today. I was texting Lauren and when it would take like 30 minutes to get a response I wanted to freak out and throw my phone. Then I'm going over to the Oquist's crib for my play date and I hit traffic on I-5 north at 5:30 and I'm laying on the horn. "What in the world?"
In a world where we want everything instantly, "spirituality" does not fit into culture. What God promises is the relief from carrying the burden of sin, not relief from sinning. So being sanctified can sometimes feel like we aren't moving at all...and because we have been so oriented towards instant gratification we end up quitting on something. I'm guilty...again.
Forgive me Lord for my impatience. Help me to trust in your timing and not my own desires. As I wrestle my flesh will you triumph in every battle, outlasting and enduring the onslaught of the enemy. I will wait for you Lord, and strength will rise as I wait. Amen.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Puzzling the puzzler
Lately I've found myself absolutely mystified by the simplest things. For instance, I can't look up at the night sky for a period of time less than 3 minutes (am I exaggerating? You'll have to see me to find out...but yes). The way the moon and the stars perfectly compliment each other is phenomenal. The silver light that streaks across the sky, and the difference in luminosity of each and every star. It's absolutely breathtaking. Or even more spectacular to me is the majesty of moving water. I have not recently had the privilege, but in the past it was quite frequent...to stand at the edge of solid ground and watch the waves smash into rocks and sand. I stand there paralyzed in awe of creation...wondering how two towers of strength could collide so frequently and yet neither is dismayed. Water violently ricochets off the rocks and it takes years and years to even make a dent. The power of the ocean, the strength of stone. It seems the two have been destined to butt heads until the end of time.
I've never felt so small. And at the same time, God has never looked so big.
I've never felt so small. And at the same time, God has never looked so big.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
The Surrender
Those of you who are close to me know a few things that others may not. Let me clarify: I struggle with pride. There are moments in my life where I look at someone and something and think/know I could do it better than them. And these moments are not rare. There are many other things I deal with daily that I will not mention on here for the sake of well...my pride, dignity, time, whatever else. But stemming from pride I have this overwhelming tendency to judge people. I don't mean judge the sinner and prostitute and drug addict...somehow God has granted me the wisdom to know better than that. I have found myself judging Christians. Almost daily. I look at people in all their situations and wonder if they are Christians, if they are real, or even if they are worth my time.
I hate this. Haha, I really do hate it. God has been hammering me lately that everyone has their issues. Everyone has problems, myself included (probably more than most) and yet I would never want someone to look at me and judge me on the spot. My biggest problem is being so unfairly critical of pastors. In nakedness to all of you, I say that I fear my own heart a great deal. So when I see pastors with lots of money, lots of stuff, or even pursuing those things I have a problem with it. The real issue isn't them, it's me. I realize in my heart of hearts that I need to stop focusing on others and start focusing on where I'm being disobedient, where I'm struggling, and what I need to change.
Thank you Lord for this realization. Oh that I would rejoice in you and boast only in the cross. Humble me Father, and leave me in this desert as long as it takes me to learn.
I hate this. Haha, I really do hate it. God has been hammering me lately that everyone has their issues. Everyone has problems, myself included (probably more than most) and yet I would never want someone to look at me and judge me on the spot. My biggest problem is being so unfairly critical of pastors. In nakedness to all of you, I say that I fear my own heart a great deal. So when I see pastors with lots of money, lots of stuff, or even pursuing those things I have a problem with it. The real issue isn't them, it's me. I realize in my heart of hearts that I need to stop focusing on others and start focusing on where I'm being disobedient, where I'm struggling, and what I need to change.
Thank you Lord for this realization. Oh that I would rejoice in you and boast only in the cross. Humble me Father, and leave me in this desert as long as it takes me to learn.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
It's Been Awhile
I feel sorta streaky in my blogging, but lately it's not because I've felt uninspired, it's more like I've felt immovable. The more and more I delve into Christianity and theology and Biblical truths, the more these two things happen:
1) I feel so utterly disgusting the closer I move to the Lord. And yet I know that one foot must go in front of the other, inching my way to the throne.
2) The heavier the weight.
The second one has loomed over my heart and mind for the last few weeks, circling like a vulture over its prey. As depressing as the thought is that I have a charge to remain holy as He is holy that is totally and completely impossible for me to keep...it is even more depressing that I have missed by so much that the world is a worse place because of it.
If you are reading this, don't kill yourself just yet, it gets better. The good news is this: Jesus Christ came to die so that our impossible mission would be His work on the cross. The closer I get the dirtier I am, and the more I dig the greater the pressure. This pressure is natural in light of our calling, but the words, "my yoke is easy, my burden is light" come rushing to mind. How so?
Well, in my mind this is how it works. We struggle and fight in our sin trying not to do it by relying in our own will and flesh to resist but we always cave...and yet Jesus says it's easy? I think he means this. Let Him help, rely on the Spirit, we are strong enough to do nothing, but in our weakness His strength is made perfect. For years we have battled and battled maybe some wicked thoughts, or addictions hoping that this will be the time that we are over it...but it's not our battle. God says give me the sword and take my hand, I will lead you beside still waters. I will lay you down in green pastures, it will be easy for you if you let ME do it, instead of trying to do it yourself.
Help me Lord, this is my deepest regret...that in my pride I for so long have relied on myself to defeat darkness. Help me...
1) I feel so utterly disgusting the closer I move to the Lord. And yet I know that one foot must go in front of the other, inching my way to the throne.
2) The heavier the weight.
The second one has loomed over my heart and mind for the last few weeks, circling like a vulture over its prey. As depressing as the thought is that I have a charge to remain holy as He is holy that is totally and completely impossible for me to keep...it is even more depressing that I have missed by so much that the world is a worse place because of it.
If you are reading this, don't kill yourself just yet, it gets better. The good news is this: Jesus Christ came to die so that our impossible mission would be His work on the cross. The closer I get the dirtier I am, and the more I dig the greater the pressure. This pressure is natural in light of our calling, but the words, "my yoke is easy, my burden is light" come rushing to mind. How so?
Well, in my mind this is how it works. We struggle and fight in our sin trying not to do it by relying in our own will and flesh to resist but we always cave...and yet Jesus says it's easy? I think he means this. Let Him help, rely on the Spirit, we are strong enough to do nothing, but in our weakness His strength is made perfect. For years we have battled and battled maybe some wicked thoughts, or addictions hoping that this will be the time that we are over it...but it's not our battle. God says give me the sword and take my hand, I will lead you beside still waters. I will lay you down in green pastures, it will be easy for you if you let ME do it, instead of trying to do it yourself.
Help me Lord, this is my deepest regret...that in my pride I for so long have relied on myself to defeat darkness. Help me...
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Josh Hamilton
I read this story today on ESPN.com. It's by one of my favorite analysts, Peter Gammons. He writes about last night's home run derby where national inspiration Josh Hamilton belted 28 home runs in the first round (unheard of) and an entire city/nation fell in love with him. Hoping, pulling, believing that the miracle round would never end.
Enjoy...
Hamilton an inspiration in so many ways
Tuesday, July 15, 2008 Print Entry
NEW YORK -- One of the best things about baseball is that someone else comes along and recreates being the hero. Out of the embers of the Black Sox scandal came Babe Ruth. As a nation regrouped between World War II and the Korean War, Jackie Robinson bravely changed the face of sports and American society.
After the strike that canceled the 1994 World Series and led to the coldest winter, along came Cal Ripken, the dignity and might of the Joe Torre/Derek Jeter/Mariano Rivera Yankees, and then the summer of '98 with Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa. And when that entire era went to black and the waste depository of the BALCO and aging clinics, Jose Canseco and gopher slimeballs reached the desk of George Mitchell and millions wondered if they could ever trust the sport again. There were 55,000 people at Yankee Stadium on Monday night -- most of whom knew less about Josh Hamilton than Darrell Rasner -- chanting Hamilton's name and rooting for a new hero.
Every revelation about Roger Clemens' past and every "collusion" noise that comes out of some parrot's beak has emphasized the need to move forward. That is why no team has signed Barry Bonds, who can still impact any lineup -- owners and general managers understandably don't want to talk about the past. They want to try to move on into an era with drug testing, in whatever form the morphed sport takes.
Two months ago, a general manager said we are watching the unfurling of two dramas we have never before seen in our lifetime, and may never see again. One is Rick Ankiel, who has played less than two years as a position player and is so good a center fielder and everyday player that he certainly could have been here for the All-Star Game, what with 20 homers, 50 RBIs, an .880 OPS and the defensive show he has put on in center field. To overcome his pitching nightmare of the 2000 playoffs, then after six years to become a hitter, and then overcome a blown-out knee … few players are better inspiration for the capacity to never back down or give up.
By now, Hamilton's story of overcoming demons is two blocks from Hollywood. Oh, it's easy to give it a Nancy Reagan "he made a choice" and so on and so on and so on and so on, but the fact is that millions of people in this country get addicted to drugs and ruin their lives. Hamilton beat his demons and is a hero for millions trying to fight back. Steve Buckley wrote about one such person in this morning's Boston Herald, a pitcher from Peabody, Mass., named Jeff Allison, a one-time Marlins No. 1 draft pick whose life landed in the breakdown lane, out of baseball; he nearly died. A month ago, Allison made the Florida State League All-Star team, and while his comeback is a work in progress, he is pitching and living and succeeding, and when Buckley talked to him about Hamilton, Allison credited Hamilton with being his role model and inspiration.
Long after Yankee Stadium had emptied Monday night, Hamilton sat in front of his locker, answering to everything past and present and future. Told about Allison's story, Hamilton said, "I have heard of him, I'd like to be in touch. I hope I meet him. I hope I hit against him one day."
Our heroes can be flawed. The Babe certainly was. Hamilton never stops reminding us that he, too, is flawed and that he's not ashamed to admit it and never will stop fighting.
Josh Hamilton turned the page in his life, and Monday night he helped baseball begin the long, dry healing process of turning the page on the Dark Ages.
Baseball is not about corporate boxes and extracting licensing pennies from poor kids or taxpayer dollars donated to construct ballparks to help billionaires make millions. It is about Babe Ruth changing the sports culture, Jackie Robinson changing America and Cal Ripken changing lives. Baseball has always been able to turn the page because of someone and something always grew up out of the rubble, and Josh Hamilton began the process of turning the page on Monday night.
It is unbelievable what he has done, and now the nation knows it. Hamilton matters and when we saw his friends like Milton Bradley, Ian Kinsler and Michael Young embrace the moment and the future, we saw the awe and the appreciation in their eyes.
These are not the best of times in America, but we look at baseball and see Ankiel. We see what Jose Reyes and Hanley Ramirez have overcome to reach stardom. We see an Athletics pitcher named Brad Ziegler come back from two fractured skulls and take a run at the record for most shutout innings to begin a career. And then we watch 55,000 New Yorkers standing and chanting Josh Hamilton's name. We are reminded that baseball can help us remember what we stand for, not against, what we believe, not what we fear, and that while we learn from the past, what we all want is to open the door to the future.
Peter Gammons
What a great story. This is why I love baseball :D God Bless Josh Hamilton, possibly God's spokesperson to Major League Baseball. A depraved and desolate sport spiritually, I pray that his impact will be larger than bomb dropping heroics...although it is fun to watch.
Enjoy...
Hamilton an inspiration in so many ways
Tuesday, July 15, 2008 Print Entry
NEW YORK -- One of the best things about baseball is that someone else comes along and recreates being the hero. Out of the embers of the Black Sox scandal came Babe Ruth. As a nation regrouped between World War II and the Korean War, Jackie Robinson bravely changed the face of sports and American society.
After the strike that canceled the 1994 World Series and led to the coldest winter, along came Cal Ripken, the dignity and might of the Joe Torre/Derek Jeter/Mariano Rivera Yankees, and then the summer of '98 with Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa. And when that entire era went to black and the waste depository of the BALCO and aging clinics, Jose Canseco and gopher slimeballs reached the desk of George Mitchell and millions wondered if they could ever trust the sport again. There were 55,000 people at Yankee Stadium on Monday night -- most of whom knew less about Josh Hamilton than Darrell Rasner -- chanting Hamilton's name and rooting for a new hero.
Every revelation about Roger Clemens' past and every "collusion" noise that comes out of some parrot's beak has emphasized the need to move forward. That is why no team has signed Barry Bonds, who can still impact any lineup -- owners and general managers understandably don't want to talk about the past. They want to try to move on into an era with drug testing, in whatever form the morphed sport takes.
Two months ago, a general manager said we are watching the unfurling of two dramas we have never before seen in our lifetime, and may never see again. One is Rick Ankiel, who has played less than two years as a position player and is so good a center fielder and everyday player that he certainly could have been here for the All-Star Game, what with 20 homers, 50 RBIs, an .880 OPS and the defensive show he has put on in center field. To overcome his pitching nightmare of the 2000 playoffs, then after six years to become a hitter, and then overcome a blown-out knee … few players are better inspiration for the capacity to never back down or give up.
By now, Hamilton's story of overcoming demons is two blocks from Hollywood. Oh, it's easy to give it a Nancy Reagan "he made a choice" and so on and so on and so on and so on, but the fact is that millions of people in this country get addicted to drugs and ruin their lives. Hamilton beat his demons and is a hero for millions trying to fight back. Steve Buckley wrote about one such person in this morning's Boston Herald, a pitcher from Peabody, Mass., named Jeff Allison, a one-time Marlins No. 1 draft pick whose life landed in the breakdown lane, out of baseball; he nearly died. A month ago, Allison made the Florida State League All-Star team, and while his comeback is a work in progress, he is pitching and living and succeeding, and when Buckley talked to him about Hamilton, Allison credited Hamilton with being his role model and inspiration.
Long after Yankee Stadium had emptied Monday night, Hamilton sat in front of his locker, answering to everything past and present and future. Told about Allison's story, Hamilton said, "I have heard of him, I'd like to be in touch. I hope I meet him. I hope I hit against him one day."
Our heroes can be flawed. The Babe certainly was. Hamilton never stops reminding us that he, too, is flawed and that he's not ashamed to admit it and never will stop fighting.
Josh Hamilton turned the page in his life, and Monday night he helped baseball begin the long, dry healing process of turning the page on the Dark Ages.
Baseball is not about corporate boxes and extracting licensing pennies from poor kids or taxpayer dollars donated to construct ballparks to help billionaires make millions. It is about Babe Ruth changing the sports culture, Jackie Robinson changing America and Cal Ripken changing lives. Baseball has always been able to turn the page because of someone and something always grew up out of the rubble, and Josh Hamilton began the process of turning the page on Monday night.
It is unbelievable what he has done, and now the nation knows it. Hamilton matters and when we saw his friends like Milton Bradley, Ian Kinsler and Michael Young embrace the moment and the future, we saw the awe and the appreciation in their eyes.
These are not the best of times in America, but we look at baseball and see Ankiel. We see what Jose Reyes and Hanley Ramirez have overcome to reach stardom. We see an Athletics pitcher named Brad Ziegler come back from two fractured skulls and take a run at the record for most shutout innings to begin a career. And then we watch 55,000 New Yorkers standing and chanting Josh Hamilton's name. We are reminded that baseball can help us remember what we stand for, not against, what we believe, not what we fear, and that while we learn from the past, what we all want is to open the door to the future.
Peter Gammons
What a great story. This is why I love baseball :D God Bless Josh Hamilton, possibly God's spokesperson to Major League Baseball. A depraved and desolate sport spiritually, I pray that his impact will be larger than bomb dropping heroics...although it is fun to watch.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
These colors don't run
No, not we Frenchie, us!!
Sorry, random outbursts are always fun. So I decided to unveil a little about the reason I love the 4th of July so very much. Some of you are probably thinking, "I didn't even know he loved the 4th of July." Well, I do...and for the three of you reading this, here's why...
Growing up a military kid is something else. You spend a lot of time with your mom, friend's moms, and random patriotic acts. I still remember the summer before I moved to Washington, my dad was deployed (as usual) and my sister was with my grandparents. My mom and I were desperate to see some fireworks so we drove out to the coliseum in Montgomery, AL to watch a show. As an eight year old, seeing massive fireworks lighting up the dark blue sky while listening to the Star Spangled Banner, America the Beautiful, etc., it's a pretty cool feeling. For some reason I found myself to be more vulnerable and transparent than I ever had been at that moment in time. As the cracks pops and booms burst before my eyes the reason for the holiday struck a chord with me. I saw vividly the people who had given their lives for our country, the families that had gone without a father or mother, daughter or son, sister or brother through the holidays so they could protect us collectively. I really started to comprehend the weight of freedom. I began to see what the fireworks were really about.
So as I've grown up the 4th has been randomly emotional for me. Whether I'm in Spokane watching a show, sitting on a random person's back porch alone in the dark, watching some of my crazy friends set their hair on fire, or with somebody I care about...the 4th has some deep sentimental meaning...I can't really describe it, I think you just have to experience it.
So, 4 days late and to a very small crowd...thanks for your service. Air Force, Army, Marines, Navy, Coast Guard, Fireman, etc...thank you. We appreciate it and although we may not act like it at times, we value our freedom. May God watch over you all...
Sorry, random outbursts are always fun. So I decided to unveil a little about the reason I love the 4th of July so very much. Some of you are probably thinking, "I didn't even know he loved the 4th of July." Well, I do...and for the three of you reading this, here's why...
Growing up a military kid is something else. You spend a lot of time with your mom, friend's moms, and random patriotic acts. I still remember the summer before I moved to Washington, my dad was deployed (as usual) and my sister was with my grandparents. My mom and I were desperate to see some fireworks so we drove out to the coliseum in Montgomery, AL to watch a show. As an eight year old, seeing massive fireworks lighting up the dark blue sky while listening to the Star Spangled Banner, America the Beautiful, etc., it's a pretty cool feeling. For some reason I found myself to be more vulnerable and transparent than I ever had been at that moment in time. As the cracks pops and booms burst before my eyes the reason for the holiday struck a chord with me. I saw vividly the people who had given their lives for our country, the families that had gone without a father or mother, daughter or son, sister or brother through the holidays so they could protect us collectively. I really started to comprehend the weight of freedom. I began to see what the fireworks were really about.
So as I've grown up the 4th has been randomly emotional for me. Whether I'm in Spokane watching a show, sitting on a random person's back porch alone in the dark, watching some of my crazy friends set their hair on fire, or with somebody I care about...the 4th has some deep sentimental meaning...I can't really describe it, I think you just have to experience it.
So, 4 days late and to a very small crowd...thanks for your service. Air Force, Army, Marines, Navy, Coast Guard, Fireman, etc...thank you. We appreciate it and although we may not act like it at times, we value our freedom. May God watch over you all...
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Hoopfest
Well another year of Hoopfest has come and gone and I am without my fifth champions shirt. An update of our team: Three of us played terrible and Perez dominated which all in all accounted for us going 2-2. But, it was record setting hot, beautiful out, and as always good to see my friends.
For those of you who don't know Hoopfest is the biggest 3 on 3 tournament in the world. This year it starred 6,400 teams, and 25,000 players. It is in Spokane, Washington the last weekend of June every year, and is quite literally my very favorite weekend. It is what I look forward to most with each year as I get a break to go home, visit with family and friends, enjoy the weather, and eat a ton. I have become less and less bitter as the years pass over losses, which is a sign of maturity hopefully. It always hurts worse when you lost though, let me tell you (there will be more on that thought later).
But, all in all, that weekend lived up to the hype. I got to eat, and of course see some of my favorite people. The Gamble house did not reach the expected capacity, but it did fill more than the normal with 6 bodies scattered about in the wonderful air conditioning. In any case, I had a wonderful and informative conversation with my good friend Andrew. Who, ironically, is probably the most intelligent person I know. I say ironically because he chose not to get a high school diploma, and as a grown man his knowledge in just about every field far outweighs anything I can muster (along with most of the people around me). I enjoy talking with him though, it is incredibly stimulating (intellectually, perverts). I also got to see a friend from 6th grade, Jason Crigger...who started my addiction to Hoopfest. Coupled with spending a week and a half with my wonderful parents, partaking in a perfect handshake, and seeing all of my favorite people on this earth, I cannot complain.
So, I conclude with a sign located above the dining room table in my Mama's house...Good food, good friends, good times...I cannot complain.
For those of you who don't know Hoopfest is the biggest 3 on 3 tournament in the world. This year it starred 6,400 teams, and 25,000 players. It is in Spokane, Washington the last weekend of June every year, and is quite literally my very favorite weekend. It is what I look forward to most with each year as I get a break to go home, visit with family and friends, enjoy the weather, and eat a ton. I have become less and less bitter as the years pass over losses, which is a sign of maturity hopefully. It always hurts worse when you lost though, let me tell you (there will be more on that thought later).
But, all in all, that weekend lived up to the hype. I got to eat, and of course see some of my favorite people. The Gamble house did not reach the expected capacity, but it did fill more than the normal with 6 bodies scattered about in the wonderful air conditioning. In any case, I had a wonderful and informative conversation with my good friend Andrew. Who, ironically, is probably the most intelligent person I know. I say ironically because he chose not to get a high school diploma, and as a grown man his knowledge in just about every field far outweighs anything I can muster (along with most of the people around me). I enjoy talking with him though, it is incredibly stimulating (intellectually, perverts). I also got to see a friend from 6th grade, Jason Crigger...who started my addiction to Hoopfest. Coupled with spending a week and a half with my wonderful parents, partaking in a perfect handshake, and seeing all of my favorite people on this earth, I cannot complain.
So, I conclude with a sign located above the dining room table in my Mama's house...Good food, good friends, good times...I cannot complain.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
This is a long one
For those of you who know me, (regarding the three people who read this blog, if there are even three of you) this blog may be old news. However, in the spirit of honesty and brutality, I must confess something to you. I am a glory hog...I hate when other people get credit or attention for something that I put together, and even more so I hate when I put time into something and it gets no glory whatsoever. You could say I was the poster child for the No Guts No Glory slogan, because glory was my desire. I love when people affirm me for doing well, and I hate when people give me no feedback on a job that I have done. I would like to know if it is spectacular, or crap. For me, there is no in between (Some of you are focusing on the word crap because in your mind it is a swear, get over it and stay with me here...). Mediocrity is not an option in the land of Jake, that's why when I find out that I'm not very good at something I usually do not pursue it. You can call this pride, and you'd be right...I like to think of it as selective participation. For instance, I am terrible at the game speed, always have been...so the last time I played it was about 5th grade. Unfortunately for some of you, that means when I do participate in something that means I am going to beat you at it, but take solace in the fact that if I don't you are better than me. Almost guaranteed.
That being said, there are times when I legitimately ponder if I am a Christian or not. Have you ever had that thought? Sort of like, eternal insecurity. So as I look over the different facets and actions in my life, I can never see the reason God has chosen me as "elect." So I agree with our term, unconditional election, meaning we are chosen by God strictly out of his sovereignty, our actions and will have nothing to do with it. So in that sovereignty, he rescues me from the fires of hell. Somehow in the process of this happening, my mind tells me that I am responsible for myself. The human condition is like Paul says in Romans 7:
15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
It's like he's writing about my life. I want to do good, but I can't carry it out. Every day I say the words, "Lord not for my glory but yours." And yet I constantly find myself searching for ways to be glorified. Why???? It is the most frustrating thing in the world for me that God has fashioned me in a way that all I want to do is better my self-image, seek my glory, make my name known, get rich and powerful and be respected and liked...and the thing that I hate doing the most He asks me to do. That when I act something out or put work into something He says, give me the glory...make my name great...better my image, set aside your life, give it to me, it's mine!! How frustrating is this? I hate it and I wonder why God made me this way most of the time.
But in times of sanity, as God slowly stitches my mind and heart back together I look at the brilliant side of the way he has sewn the universe together. The amazing, selfless work He has put forth, and the hurt and pain that I alone have caused him and it is so awfully, incredibly, painfully humbling. In those times of deepest hurt, and the darkest of nights, I am forced to come to the realization that it was His to begin with. He made the universe, He gave me the mind to work, the hands to serve, the will to succeed, and the freedom to live. The sad thing is, I want glory so desperately and yet when I get it I don't even know how to handle it. Maybe that's why God designed glory only for Himself, because when we get our hands on it it's like a homeless man finding a million dollars...or like grocery shopping when you're hungry, or giving mountain dew to a jr. high boy...when we take it we only want more and more and we can't get enough...we become addicted and we are literally stealing the rug from under the feet of God.
That's why the Old Testament was so painful, because people kept taking the glory of God...that was the original fall of man. Adam said, I want some of this knowledge for myself. Give me the glory too!! I want to share in this action!! So as he ate that fruit, he was becoming addicted to something that would kill him, quite literally. God knew Adam would never be able to handle it, that as long as he lived he would continue the hunt for more and more self-edification and so he brought about the end of life for the first time ever and said, because of this you will have to die. It's painful isn't it? That we have always tried to accumulate humility by deflecting praise and accolades, or trying to attribute it to other things...we even use the words, "Glory to God." But in my heart I try and hide just how much I enjoy hearing my name and not God's and I love when people say, "Jake you did such a good job with this..." So no matter how often I deflect it, God sees the heart. Why else would Jesus say, "You've heard it said don't murder your brother, but to have hatred in your heart is the same!! (Paraphrased by me)" God sees the heart, I can't hide anything from Him.
So I guess what this blog is about is my confession...my "type A" personality of perfectionist problem solver is so incredibly dangerous, especially for a man who wants to be a preacher. I covet your prayers, all both of you reading this...pray for me. For like Paul I do not do what I want to do, and exactly what I don't want to do (what I hate) I do. Pray that if I do preach and teach, that God will be the one speaking and not me, that for a moment in time I can set aside myself and let Him work and say what He wants to say...please pray.
That being said, there are times when I legitimately ponder if I am a Christian or not. Have you ever had that thought? Sort of like, eternal insecurity. So as I look over the different facets and actions in my life, I can never see the reason God has chosen me as "elect." So I agree with our term, unconditional election, meaning we are chosen by God strictly out of his sovereignty, our actions and will have nothing to do with it. So in that sovereignty, he rescues me from the fires of hell. Somehow in the process of this happening, my mind tells me that I am responsible for myself. The human condition is like Paul says in Romans 7:
15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
It's like he's writing about my life. I want to do good, but I can't carry it out. Every day I say the words, "Lord not for my glory but yours." And yet I constantly find myself searching for ways to be glorified. Why???? It is the most frustrating thing in the world for me that God has fashioned me in a way that all I want to do is better my self-image, seek my glory, make my name known, get rich and powerful and be respected and liked...and the thing that I hate doing the most He asks me to do. That when I act something out or put work into something He says, give me the glory...make my name great...better my image, set aside your life, give it to me, it's mine!! How frustrating is this? I hate it and I wonder why God made me this way most of the time.
But in times of sanity, as God slowly stitches my mind and heart back together I look at the brilliant side of the way he has sewn the universe together. The amazing, selfless work He has put forth, and the hurt and pain that I alone have caused him and it is so awfully, incredibly, painfully humbling. In those times of deepest hurt, and the darkest of nights, I am forced to come to the realization that it was His to begin with. He made the universe, He gave me the mind to work, the hands to serve, the will to succeed, and the freedom to live. The sad thing is, I want glory so desperately and yet when I get it I don't even know how to handle it. Maybe that's why God designed glory only for Himself, because when we get our hands on it it's like a homeless man finding a million dollars...or like grocery shopping when you're hungry, or giving mountain dew to a jr. high boy...when we take it we only want more and more and we can't get enough...we become addicted and we are literally stealing the rug from under the feet of God.
That's why the Old Testament was so painful, because people kept taking the glory of God...that was the original fall of man. Adam said, I want some of this knowledge for myself. Give me the glory too!! I want to share in this action!! So as he ate that fruit, he was becoming addicted to something that would kill him, quite literally. God knew Adam would never be able to handle it, that as long as he lived he would continue the hunt for more and more self-edification and so he brought about the end of life for the first time ever and said, because of this you will have to die. It's painful isn't it? That we have always tried to accumulate humility by deflecting praise and accolades, or trying to attribute it to other things...we even use the words, "Glory to God." But in my heart I try and hide just how much I enjoy hearing my name and not God's and I love when people say, "Jake you did such a good job with this..." So no matter how often I deflect it, God sees the heart. Why else would Jesus say, "You've heard it said don't murder your brother, but to have hatred in your heart is the same!! (Paraphrased by me)" God sees the heart, I can't hide anything from Him.
So I guess what this blog is about is my confession...my "type A" personality of perfectionist problem solver is so incredibly dangerous, especially for a man who wants to be a preacher. I covet your prayers, all both of you reading this...pray for me. For like Paul I do not do what I want to do, and exactly what I don't want to do (what I hate) I do. Pray that if I do preach and teach, that God will be the one speaking and not me, that for a moment in time I can set aside myself and let Him work and say what He wants to say...please pray.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
I'm on top of the world....
Looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find.... Is the love that I've found ever since you've been around Your love's put me at the top of the world...
Aaah, sing it Carpenter's. you old souls starved by anorexia and tormented by self-image. How do I find solace in your words? Simple...like the rest of us, it sounds catchy, I'll repeat it. Take off the filter of critically consuming and let in whatever crap decides to influx at the moment. Jesus called me to be in the world, not of it...well that's tough seeing as I came from dust. Might as well concede the battle now and give in to all my fleshly desires, it's bound to happen sooner or later; right? I used a semi-colon...I swore I would never use a semi-colon on here. What's wrong with me?
Have you ever felt like you're fighting an uphill battle on ice with spears with 1 man charging 500 and they are all armed with semi-automatic weapons? Sometimes I do...and then I just listen to the Carpenter's and sing along..."I'm on, top of the world looking, down on creation and the only explanation I can find..." Yup, all better now.
Aaah, sing it Carpenter's. you old souls starved by anorexia and tormented by self-image. How do I find solace in your words? Simple...like the rest of us, it sounds catchy, I'll repeat it. Take off the filter of critically consuming and let in whatever crap decides to influx at the moment. Jesus called me to be in the world, not of it...well that's tough seeing as I came from dust. Might as well concede the battle now and give in to all my fleshly desires, it's bound to happen sooner or later; right? I used a semi-colon...I swore I would never use a semi-colon on here. What's wrong with me?
Have you ever felt like you're fighting an uphill battle on ice with spears with 1 man charging 500 and they are all armed with semi-automatic weapons? Sometimes I do...and then I just listen to the Carpenter's and sing along..."I'm on, top of the world looking, down on creation and the only explanation I can find..." Yup, all better now.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Crushed by Culture
I've been thinking a lot about including culture and society into preaching lately. I attended the Text and Context Resurgence Conference in Seattle earlier this year and the main focus was on contextualizing Biblical principals and keeping them culturally relevant today.
I think I was fixed on the idea of including culture so much that I didn't realize that all kids get is culture. They are surrounded by it and saturating sermons and preaching with it is only giving more and more of an arrogance to youth. As a young man, I felt like old books, literature, movies, songs, etc were outdated and irrelevant. Now, I have an appreciation for them. I realize the originality, authenticity, intellectual capacity, and beauty of the "classics." Where would we be without The Illiad or Romeo and Juliet in our high school English classes? So as I've mulled over this day after day, I think the major point is this...there is nothing wrong with contextualizing Scripture, but we cannot lose it's originality. We cannot view the Bible through such an arrogant and narrow scope that it becomes irrelevant at all. Hundreds of years ago the French philosopher Voltaire said that, "in 100 years the Bible and Christianity will have passed." Unfortunately for him, fortunately for believers, it has not...not even close, and it never will. There is a reason the Bible is the most popular book ever written, sold more copies than any book ever, and is surviving today stronger than ever. It is what it is because of what it is!!! Does that make sense? :D
So as I browse Barnes and Noble and Christian book stores, I get a little frustrated when I see the Women's Inspirational Bible, the Spirit Filled Life Bible, the Bible for new believers, etc etc. We are "idiotizing" (if I can borrow from Ravi Z. for a moment) our consumers. People are becoming lazier and lazier and pretty soon only a handful of people will be able to look into Scripture insightful-ly and it will be spoon fed to the lazy majority of us who think we "don't have the time" to really study the Word.
I don't mean to sound closed minded, because I think it is great to have tools. But if we spend our days outside of the true Word of God, and I mean the Bible in a real translation...not some paraphrase or tell me what to think kind of thing...we get into real trouble. That should be the source of our information. And friends, I'll say this, because of who wrote it (not only the diversity of the 40+ authors, but the fact that it is breathed by God Himself) the book will never be irrelevant. So let us take it at what it is and truly study it, wrestle with Scripture, don't be afraid to branch out with your own thoughts. But find yourself saturated in THE BIBLE please. I hope.
I think I was fixed on the idea of including culture so much that I didn't realize that all kids get is culture. They are surrounded by it and saturating sermons and preaching with it is only giving more and more of an arrogance to youth. As a young man, I felt like old books, literature, movies, songs, etc were outdated and irrelevant. Now, I have an appreciation for them. I realize the originality, authenticity, intellectual capacity, and beauty of the "classics." Where would we be without The Illiad or Romeo and Juliet in our high school English classes? So as I've mulled over this day after day, I think the major point is this...there is nothing wrong with contextualizing Scripture, but we cannot lose it's originality. We cannot view the Bible through such an arrogant and narrow scope that it becomes irrelevant at all. Hundreds of years ago the French philosopher Voltaire said that, "in 100 years the Bible and Christianity will have passed." Unfortunately for him, fortunately for believers, it has not...not even close, and it never will. There is a reason the Bible is the most popular book ever written, sold more copies than any book ever, and is surviving today stronger than ever. It is what it is because of what it is!!! Does that make sense? :D
So as I browse Barnes and Noble and Christian book stores, I get a little frustrated when I see the Women's Inspirational Bible, the Spirit Filled Life Bible, the Bible for new believers, etc etc. We are "idiotizing" (if I can borrow from Ravi Z. for a moment) our consumers. People are becoming lazier and lazier and pretty soon only a handful of people will be able to look into Scripture insightful-ly and it will be spoon fed to the lazy majority of us who think we "don't have the time" to really study the Word.
I don't mean to sound closed minded, because I think it is great to have tools. But if we spend our days outside of the true Word of God, and I mean the Bible in a real translation...not some paraphrase or tell me what to think kind of thing...we get into real trouble. That should be the source of our information. And friends, I'll say this, because of who wrote it (not only the diversity of the 40+ authors, but the fact that it is breathed by God Himself) the book will never be irrelevant. So let us take it at what it is and truly study it, wrestle with Scripture, don't be afraid to branch out with your own thoughts. But find yourself saturated in THE BIBLE please. I hope.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
The Resolutions of Jake Gamble (more to come)
As I read the Resolutions of Jonathan Edwards, I feel a fleeting inspiration to draft some resolutions of my own. Mostly original, a few borrowed, no better place to share than here I suppose.
Resolution 1: To write at least a single resolution a week from now until I am satisfied with my progress (being long winded, that could be well into the 100's. Also, this was the easy one, one and done?).
2: To redeem every moment of time from here until death. That moments spent in imagining, relaxing, and even sleep would conjure up thoughts of the glory and enormity of God.
3: To please the Lord Jesus Christ in every action, seeking never the accolades nor the affirmation of men. But living solely for the satisfaction and glory of the Father in Heaven.
4: To genuinely connect with and meet at least one new person daily, forever growing in my relationships and friendliness towards the souls of this world.
5: Learn something new daily. Whether as simple as a word or the most complex of tasks, continue drowning in knowledge until my breaths are quieted.
6: To treat people with the utmost reverence and respect as if they were created in the image of God.
7: To daily be a compass fixed on the cross of Jesus Christ so that all who cross my path would find themselves there.
8: The Word of God would be taken as sufficient and life breathing and to never live a day without meditating on it. That, like the Psalmist, I would be like a tree planted by streams of water; dwelling in Scripture every moment.
9: To fear nothing but damnation and the Lord. That His supreme rule and govern over my life would be strictly obeyed as if each moment brought the coming day of judgement. (June 4, 2007).
10: To seek not accreditation for myself, but to honor God by giving Him the glory and praise due His name for His grace in my life.
11: To fill each day with laughter. May I never be ashamed to laugh louder, sooner, and longer than the rest. Whether joyous or sad let my presence be saturated by laughter.
12: Devote my entire life to unveiling the weight and the glory of Scripture.
13. To preach the gospel of Jesus Christ to the best of my knowledge and in the hopes of a miracle of God occurring in the hearts of listeners.
14: To never doubt the grace and acceptance of Christ in the lives of sinners so as to not make any single person feel unwelcome in the presence of God.
15: Never be satisfied. Contentment comes to the proverbial sluggard so continue to strive for the glory of God while alive on this earth.
16: To never fail to be myself. Realizing that God created me in His image and formed me for a very specific purpose, that my own self-actualizations and additions to this life are as much needed as those of people I look up to and admire.
18: To forgive others as Christ as forgiven me. Not holding on to grudges and bitterness but resenting the urge to be human.
19: To abhor sin in all fashions.
20: To conquer the blackness of my heart and completely destroy the lust that controlled me for years.
21: Whenever I falter in sin, to trace back to the root of my failure and temptation completely and snuff it out.
Resolution 1: To write at least a single resolution a week from now until I am satisfied with my progress (being long winded, that could be well into the 100's. Also, this was the easy one, one and done?).
2: To redeem every moment of time from here until death. That moments spent in imagining, relaxing, and even sleep would conjure up thoughts of the glory and enormity of God.
3: To please the Lord Jesus Christ in every action, seeking never the accolades nor the affirmation of men. But living solely for the satisfaction and glory of the Father in Heaven.
4: To genuinely connect with and meet at least one new person daily, forever growing in my relationships and friendliness towards the souls of this world.
5: Learn something new daily. Whether as simple as a word or the most complex of tasks, continue drowning in knowledge until my breaths are quieted.
6: To treat people with the utmost reverence and respect as if they were created in the image of God.
7: To daily be a compass fixed on the cross of Jesus Christ so that all who cross my path would find themselves there.
8: The Word of God would be taken as sufficient and life breathing and to never live a day without meditating on it. That, like the Psalmist, I would be like a tree planted by streams of water; dwelling in Scripture every moment.
9: To fear nothing but damnation and the Lord. That His supreme rule and govern over my life would be strictly obeyed as if each moment brought the coming day of judgement. (June 4, 2007).
10: To seek not accreditation for myself, but to honor God by giving Him the glory and praise due His name for His grace in my life.
11: To fill each day with laughter. May I never be ashamed to laugh louder, sooner, and longer than the rest. Whether joyous or sad let my presence be saturated by laughter.
12: Devote my entire life to unveiling the weight and the glory of Scripture.
13. To preach the gospel of Jesus Christ to the best of my knowledge and in the hopes of a miracle of God occurring in the hearts of listeners.
14: To never doubt the grace and acceptance of Christ in the lives of sinners so as to not make any single person feel unwelcome in the presence of God.
15: Never be satisfied. Contentment comes to the proverbial sluggard so continue to strive for the glory of God while alive on this earth.
16: To never fail to be myself. Realizing that God created me in His image and formed me for a very specific purpose, that my own self-actualizations and additions to this life are as much needed as those of people I look up to and admire.
18: To forgive others as Christ as forgiven me. Not holding on to grudges and bitterness but resenting the urge to be human.
19: To abhor sin in all fashions.
20: To conquer the blackness of my heart and completely destroy the lust that controlled me for years.
21: Whenever I falter in sin, to trace back to the root of my failure and temptation completely and snuff it out.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
The Anguish of the Universe
I was sitting here uninspired and I began to think and this hit me. I truly believe that this is one of the saddest passages in all of Scripture...read on.
18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. 19 For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20 For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. 21 For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.
24 Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25 because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.
It's scary to think that God has ordained this. FIrst off that those who claim to not know him will be held accountable at the end of times because His power and nature have been displayed from the beginning of time. That in itself is simply terrifying.
More than anything, the part of this passage that breaks my heart is the end. They worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator. Even in the end, they didn't get it. Have you ever wondered why something like 50% of marriages fail today? Why suicide rates are higher than they have ever been? Why depression and mental instability run rampant through a society with more opportunities than ever before? I do...it is for this reason.
People chose to worship the creature. When we rest all of our hopes and dreams on a single person or even thing (sport, job, etc) we are bound to crumble. Our beliefs and hopes and dreams and wants and needs will eventually be crushed by the thumb of destruction. And when that happens, when there is no hope, there seems to be no where left to turn.
What a heart wrenching thing to read...but written in hopes that people may read it and be convinced to put their heart and hopes in the hands of something eternal. Something that never fails.
18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. 19 For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20 For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. 21 For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.
24 Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25 because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.
It's scary to think that God has ordained this. FIrst off that those who claim to not know him will be held accountable at the end of times because His power and nature have been displayed from the beginning of time. That in itself is simply terrifying.
More than anything, the part of this passage that breaks my heart is the end. They worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator. Even in the end, they didn't get it. Have you ever wondered why something like 50% of marriages fail today? Why suicide rates are higher than they have ever been? Why depression and mental instability run rampant through a society with more opportunities than ever before? I do...it is for this reason.
People chose to worship the creature. When we rest all of our hopes and dreams on a single person or even thing (sport, job, etc) we are bound to crumble. Our beliefs and hopes and dreams and wants and needs will eventually be crushed by the thumb of destruction. And when that happens, when there is no hope, there seems to be no where left to turn.
What a heart wrenching thing to read...but written in hopes that people may read it and be convinced to put their heart and hopes in the hands of something eternal. Something that never fails.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
I hate realizations
Ever since God has revolutionized my life, most of my "epiphanies" have been rather painful. In one way or another I come to realize something. Most recently it was that what I thought was dying all along was simply the wrong definition. Now that situation has caused more than a subtle stir in my behavior, and on the brutally honest side I would rather have it any other way than the way it is now. Unfortunately, it is not possible.
Another example, tonight our softball team could have been replaced by a large plastic bag filled with garbage and the result of the game would have been the same. We didn't play offense or defense from top to bottom, and it was very angri-fying. So as a "leader" in my community I feel the need to convey the glory of God in all of my actions, and tonight all I felt the need to convey was a butt-on-my-shoulders attitude and the appearance of a raging 13 year old boy. Real classy. It was this little tirade that caused me to chuckle and let out yet another "soul-sigh." I hate it...I have to change so much. Or, to put it in theologically sound terms, He has to change so much.
My shortcomings can no longer be written off as immaturity and pride. It may have been deemed acceptable at age 17, maybe 18 or 19 as well...but certainly as a man of 22 with a regenerated heart and a passion for preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ...it's time to change.
So yes, as I said...I hate epiphanies. Take them away, keep them to yourself. I'm tired of changing, I want to be lazy again...let me stay in my suck. Haha, I don't mean it but at the same time it is more appealing than one might imagine. Believe me, I have chosen far from the easy way :/
Another example, tonight our softball team could have been replaced by a large plastic bag filled with garbage and the result of the game would have been the same. We didn't play offense or defense from top to bottom, and it was very angri-fying. So as a "leader" in my community I feel the need to convey the glory of God in all of my actions, and tonight all I felt the need to convey was a butt-on-my-shoulders attitude and the appearance of a raging 13 year old boy. Real classy. It was this little tirade that caused me to chuckle and let out yet another "soul-sigh." I hate it...I have to change so much. Or, to put it in theologically sound terms, He has to change so much.
My shortcomings can no longer be written off as immaturity and pride. It may have been deemed acceptable at age 17, maybe 18 or 19 as well...but certainly as a man of 22 with a regenerated heart and a passion for preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ...it's time to change.
So yes, as I said...I hate epiphanies. Take them away, keep them to yourself. I'm tired of changing, I want to be lazy again...let me stay in my suck. Haha, I don't mean it but at the same time it is more appealing than one might imagine. Believe me, I have chosen far from the easy way :/
Sunday, May 18, 2008
The "Soul Sigh"
The soul sigh is a term I am going to borrow momentarily from my very close personal friend Matt Chandler. I read it and it clicked with me so I'm going to steal it, maybe for good, we'll see. Essentially, it's an exasperated sigh knowing what's coming. It's that feeling you get when you're a little kid and you've done something bad and you know you deserve a spanking and you're about to get one. That little moment when you go, yup, it's for my own good : / They are not fun moments, but nonetheless they are very much NEEDED moments. Tonight for me was one of the most satisfying nights of my very brief ministry career. I sat and listened to two of my small group students (the only two that came) converse about the work that God has done in their lives since salvation.
Now I don't have kids, but in terms of symbolism you could call my students my children in a way. So I care deeply about these guys, and sharing this experience with them was absolutely beyond measure. I've always heard the phrase that parents can learn something from their children, but I never fully understood it until tonight. As those two boys/men sat there talking, they were uttering the most brilliant things. I was trying to mentally record quotes from the conversation but the nuggets of beauty flowed faster than this little mind could track. I saved a few, but the one that struck me the hardest was this, said from a young man who has been a Christian for roughly a year, to another guy who's been a Christian for roughly 9 months..."I could never relate to the Psalms until recently. It was like I had never experienced that kind of loneliness and turmoil so I had no idea what he was talking about. But lately, I get it. I had to give up the thing that was keeping me from that loneliness...and it's the hardest thing in the world to let it go but it was like...NO! NO! NO! Ok, I know...yes. I just get it now."
I feel ashamed quoting him without making him aware, but can you see the brilliant radiant face of God Himself beaming off of that statement? Let me unveil it a little. God is using the most difficult time in his life, a time that before he met Jesus he deemed absolutely impossible (the old I'd die without you scenario), to draw him into the arms of God. To bring him to the cross, not gently, but with the intent of learning to worship one thing and one thing only. He has been led to the cross to learn what Christ and suffering and surrender and death is all about...and now HE JUST GETS IT!!
It was this that made me let out a soul sigh. I had come upon some rough times lately, but this statement was like, bright light in my eye...Ok, I get it. I'm sorry I've avoided it for so long, it's time to be obedient. After all, obedience is proof of love. Obedience proving love and leading to joy...maybe not now, but as a time in my life approaches rapidly and I am forced to submit to the will of God rather than arrogantly assuming I can write my own story here, joy will come. Joy will follow the heartache and loneliness and sorrow that stem from dying to self.
God's not just some bully who wants to spoil all our fun. So often we see dying to self as torture (which it absolutely is, believe me) that is endless and totally pointless!! We skip right over the resurrection and the restoration part. As we die to ourselves, more of Christ comes to life in us and we begin to see the ultimate restorative plan He was writing all along (not to mention the red marks where we tried to pen the biography). That's the issue I have to deal with...set aside your pride Jake and recognize that you can't do this on your own, and maybe, just maybe He knows a little better than you do what is good and what's not. It's not easy being green...
"...So we fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12
Now I don't have kids, but in terms of symbolism you could call my students my children in a way. So I care deeply about these guys, and sharing this experience with them was absolutely beyond measure. I've always heard the phrase that parents can learn something from their children, but I never fully understood it until tonight. As those two boys/men sat there talking, they were uttering the most brilliant things. I was trying to mentally record quotes from the conversation but the nuggets of beauty flowed faster than this little mind could track. I saved a few, but the one that struck me the hardest was this, said from a young man who has been a Christian for roughly a year, to another guy who's been a Christian for roughly 9 months..."I could never relate to the Psalms until recently. It was like I had never experienced that kind of loneliness and turmoil so I had no idea what he was talking about. But lately, I get it. I had to give up the thing that was keeping me from that loneliness...and it's the hardest thing in the world to let it go but it was like...NO! NO! NO! Ok, I know...yes. I just get it now."
I feel ashamed quoting him without making him aware, but can you see the brilliant radiant face of God Himself beaming off of that statement? Let me unveil it a little. God is using the most difficult time in his life, a time that before he met Jesus he deemed absolutely impossible (the old I'd die without you scenario), to draw him into the arms of God. To bring him to the cross, not gently, but with the intent of learning to worship one thing and one thing only. He has been led to the cross to learn what Christ and suffering and surrender and death is all about...and now HE JUST GETS IT!!
It was this that made me let out a soul sigh. I had come upon some rough times lately, but this statement was like, bright light in my eye...Ok, I get it. I'm sorry I've avoided it for so long, it's time to be obedient. After all, obedience is proof of love. Obedience proving love and leading to joy...maybe not now, but as a time in my life approaches rapidly and I am forced to submit to the will of God rather than arrogantly assuming I can write my own story here, joy will come. Joy will follow the heartache and loneliness and sorrow that stem from dying to self.
God's not just some bully who wants to spoil all our fun. So often we see dying to self as torture (which it absolutely is, believe me) that is endless and totally pointless!! We skip right over the resurrection and the restoration part. As we die to ourselves, more of Christ comes to life in us and we begin to see the ultimate restorative plan He was writing all along (not to mention the red marks where we tried to pen the biography). That's the issue I have to deal with...set aside your pride Jake and recognize that you can't do this on your own, and maybe, just maybe He knows a little better than you do what is good and what's not. It's not easy being green...
"...So we fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
China Earthquake
Hello friend(s), However many of you actually read this blog. I'm certain it is not many. I wanted to ask if you could to please remain in prayer for the people of China. If you haven't heard anything or read about it, there was an earthquake in Dujiangyan, China that has totaled more than 8,000 deaths so far and the list is growing rapidly. Comparatively, this is almost 3 times the amount of people killed in the World Trade Center disaster here in the United States.
It is my hope that the country will remain open to assistance and relief as it is now for awhile. Experts say as many as 18,000 are still buried, and so I beg you to pray for them...if you don't pray then keep them in your thoughts as we plan how to help them. I can't imagine the pain and anguish that some people are going through as they search through rubble, dust, buildings, trees, and dead bodies to try and unearth a son or daughter or mother. What an awful event and I hope that the hundreds of thousands of people affected by it feel the prayers of an entire country and world lifting them up.
It is my hope that the country will remain open to assistance and relief as it is now for awhile. Experts say as many as 18,000 are still buried, and so I beg you to pray for them...if you don't pray then keep them in your thoughts as we plan how to help them. I can't imagine the pain and anguish that some people are going through as they search through rubble, dust, buildings, trees, and dead bodies to try and unearth a son or daughter or mother. What an awful event and I hope that the hundreds of thousands of people affected by it feel the prayers of an entire country and world lifting them up.
Monday, May 12, 2008
People Pleaser + Pride = Chemical Rxns
Let me preface this blog by saying this about myself. I'm a confident guy, I try not to be arrogant or cocky, but I am confident in a few things. Number 1...I can talk to people. I don't mean that in a crazy way, I just mean I can relate to people and unless I'm missing the point I feel I can generally connect with anyone. Number 2...I feel good being in front of people. If you let me go, I'll go. Now these two things for me can be dangerous as well, number 1 because I have a tendency to over talk things. I keep going and going and if people need to vent then I block them out. The second one is a problem for similar reasons, if you give me 5 I'll take 10, if you give me 20 I'll take 25...see what I mean? It just kind of keeps going. So I am trying to harness these things and use them but at times it can be a bit difficult. This isn't really the point of this blog though, pretty much all that to say, my main idea is this...I struggle with pride.
It is of my personal opinion that most people do, but also that pride is the most dangerous of all sins. It blocks us from seeing that we need God, it prevents us from confessing sin, it makes us think we can be God, and even when we have God we tend to take credit for His hand in our lives. So, essentially, this is public enemy number 1.
Number 2, I'm a people pleaser. I don't care for tension. When something has gone wrong in a relationship I want to fix it right away, and I'll do whatever it takes. If I'm really upset I may have to walk away and calm down, but tension seems so unnecessary and such an easy fix if somebody will step up to the plate.
Keeping those two things in mind, mixed together they make for an extremely difficult time maintaining relationships. When there is tension I tend to ask what I did wrong so I can try and fix it...but generally when people tell me what I've done wrong the pride kicks in and I start to think, well let's not put it all on me here little Mr./Ms. perfect!! You have some faults of your own so let's talk about those. THIS IS NOT GOOD!!! Haha, it has never and will never work for me. God has opened my eyes and is working on me, but this ultimate combination of wanting to fix the problem and somehow thinking that I have no problem in the matter is not a good tool. I'm not sure why God made me this way but I'm certain He has some reason.
So, if you read this and you have been or will be offended by my words in a situation like this...I apologize. I'm learning, I'm in repair, and I'm a work in progress. Hopefully you can forgive me and realize all the bad things you've done to get our relationship to this point. Like I said, I'm working on it :)
It is of my personal opinion that most people do, but also that pride is the most dangerous of all sins. It blocks us from seeing that we need God, it prevents us from confessing sin, it makes us think we can be God, and even when we have God we tend to take credit for His hand in our lives. So, essentially, this is public enemy number 1.
Number 2, I'm a people pleaser. I don't care for tension. When something has gone wrong in a relationship I want to fix it right away, and I'll do whatever it takes. If I'm really upset I may have to walk away and calm down, but tension seems so unnecessary and such an easy fix if somebody will step up to the plate.
Keeping those two things in mind, mixed together they make for an extremely difficult time maintaining relationships. When there is tension I tend to ask what I did wrong so I can try and fix it...but generally when people tell me what I've done wrong the pride kicks in and I start to think, well let's not put it all on me here little Mr./Ms. perfect!! You have some faults of your own so let's talk about those. THIS IS NOT GOOD!!! Haha, it has never and will never work for me. God has opened my eyes and is working on me, but this ultimate combination of wanting to fix the problem and somehow thinking that I have no problem in the matter is not a good tool. I'm not sure why God made me this way but I'm certain He has some reason.
So, if you read this and you have been or will be offended by my words in a situation like this...I apologize. I'm learning, I'm in repair, and I'm a work in progress. Hopefully you can forgive me and realize all the bad things you've done to get our relationship to this point. Like I said, I'm working on it :)
Saturday, May 10, 2008
The Game
So I was reading some thoughts online and biographies of some of the great Christian thinkers in history, or I guess I shouldn't use the phrase "Christian" there, but rather followers of Christ...people with enormous minds capable of spinning me in circles and laughing. It kind of stemmed from my earlier post of William Booth's quote, and for some reason lately I have become quite fascinated with the history and reformation...so I stumbled across this little nugget...
"Among the rich you will never find a really generous man even by accident. They may give their money away, but they will never give themselves away; they are egotistic, secretive, dry as old bones. To be smart enough to get all that money you must be dull enough to want it." G.K. Chesterton
The last line struck me immediately, it stood out and jumped off the page. Only the dullest man sits and dreams of being filthy rich. I think of the end of Mr. Deeds here when he's asking all the rich people, "What did you want to be when you were a kid?" Everyone begins to shout out their former dreams ranging from astronaut to pro athlete to weirdo etc. But it's true, no child ever says I want to be rich, only the dullest of minds cannot reach a greater dream than that one.
But as my mind mulled over the quote another part sat in my stomach like I had swallowed a fourteen pound bowling ball belonging to Curtis "The Legend" Thibault. They will NEVER give themselves away; they are egotistic, secretive, dry as old bones. Essentially, they care about nothing but themselves, live in darkness, and are, for the most part, dead. This sheds a whole new light on the interaction between Jesus and the rich young ruler whom He tells to "sell everything you have and follow me." We are beginning to see that maybe Jesus wasn't a lunatic here, that He knew this guy was dead and in order for that dried up heart to beat again he had to surrender that which had killed him in the first place. Intriguing no?
Side note: I bet you never thought you would see a day or blog where Mr. Deeds and G.K. Chesterton were quoted within sentences of each other...write that down.
"Among the rich you will never find a really generous man even by accident. They may give their money away, but they will never give themselves away; they are egotistic, secretive, dry as old bones. To be smart enough to get all that money you must be dull enough to want it." G.K. Chesterton
The last line struck me immediately, it stood out and jumped off the page. Only the dullest man sits and dreams of being filthy rich. I think of the end of Mr. Deeds here when he's asking all the rich people, "What did you want to be when you were a kid?" Everyone begins to shout out their former dreams ranging from astronaut to pro athlete to weirdo etc. But it's true, no child ever says I want to be rich, only the dullest of minds cannot reach a greater dream than that one.
But as my mind mulled over the quote another part sat in my stomach like I had swallowed a fourteen pound bowling ball belonging to Curtis "The Legend" Thibault. They will NEVER give themselves away; they are egotistic, secretive, dry as old bones. Essentially, they care about nothing but themselves, live in darkness, and are, for the most part, dead. This sheds a whole new light on the interaction between Jesus and the rich young ruler whom He tells to "sell everything you have and follow me." We are beginning to see that maybe Jesus wasn't a lunatic here, that He knew this guy was dead and in order for that dried up heart to beat again he had to surrender that which had killed him in the first place. Intriguing no?
Side note: I bet you never thought you would see a day or blog where Mr. Deeds and G.K. Chesterton were quoted within sentences of each other...write that down.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Preaching
I preached at FOS last night for the first time and it was, uhh...eye opening. God really humbled me, sadly it was in front of 150 kids. Haha, but I closed the night with a quote and I deemed it appropriate to put that quote up here, on my blog, that no one reads and no one comments on. :)
The quote is by a man named William Booth, as I said last night. He was a poor guy who became a street preacher, and eventually was a reformist and he started this organization that offered Salvation and Christian ethics to the poor, prostitutes, sick, drug addicts, alcoholics, and whoever else wasn't allowed in any other churches. This organization eventually became what we know today as The Salvation Army. He said this in response to a man who claimed to, "not be called into missions." So, check it out, enjoy, wrestle with it...let is get to you a little.
"'Not called!' did you say? 'Not heard the call,' I think you should say.
Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear Him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their father's house and bid their brothers and sisters and servants and masters not to come there. Then look Christ in the face -- whose mercy you have professed to obey -- and tell Him whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish His mercy to the world. -- "
The quote is by a man named William Booth, as I said last night. He was a poor guy who became a street preacher, and eventually was a reformist and he started this organization that offered Salvation and Christian ethics to the poor, prostitutes, sick, drug addicts, alcoholics, and whoever else wasn't allowed in any other churches. This organization eventually became what we know today as The Salvation Army. He said this in response to a man who claimed to, "not be called into missions." So, check it out, enjoy, wrestle with it...let is get to you a little.
"'Not called!' did you say? 'Not heard the call,' I think you should say.
Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear Him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their father's house and bid their brothers and sisters and servants and masters not to come there. Then look Christ in the face -- whose mercy you have professed to obey -- and tell Him whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish His mercy to the world. -- "
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Don't Waste Your Life
So I was doing some reading and I found an address to a graduating class of a program called, INSIGHT. It's a 1 year college program offered at Bethleham Baptist Church in Minnesota. The address is by Dr. John Piper and the following is a summary of the entire speech given to inspire these students headed into college:
From the intro:
I don’t feel excited when I hear questions like: “You want to be a firefighter? Why are you in college?” “You want to be a homemaker? Why are you in college?”
We’re in school to see a whole panorama of life that comes out in all manifestations of disciplines in the hope that all these beams of light refracted in human minds will lead us to the source of all things so that we know him better.
Every time I send Talitha off to school—she’s in the 5th grade—I try to remember to connect for her what she’s about to do today with Jesus. And not in a superficial way like, if you know this fact it might be useful in witnessing, though that’s true and wonderful. But rather, if you study math, you’re going to know God better. I promise you. As you advance through the complexities of math—from 5th grade to Calculus—you will find out things about the nature of the mind of God that you would not get any other way. It’s the same thing with the way language works. Same thing with processes in history. Same thing in politics and social studies. And art.
So thank you so much for believing that and not being too worried about what you’re going to do when you grow up. You know, I went 4 years to Wheaton, 3 years to Fuller, 3 years to graduate school and at age 28 did not know what I wanted to do when I grew up.
I just knew a few central realities: I love the Bible. I want to use it to help other people obey it for Jesus’ sake.
That leaves open a lot of possibilities!
So you know what I did? I took the first job that was offered to me. Then I took the second job that was offered to me and I’ve been here ever since.
So I’m here to try to share a little wisdom. And I could care less—as long as it’s not sin—what vocation you use this wisdom in.
Mistake #1: Big is better than small.
God uses little David-like people to accomplish huge Goliath-like things because he is jealous to get the credit.
Don’t worry about big. Worry about faithful.
Mistake #2: New is better than old.
Read old books. You need the wisdom of the ages to combat the folly of the present.
When you read books from today, don’t read first and mainly books by emergent writers. Read books first and mainly by old men—J.I. Packer, R.C. Sproul—men with long battled years who have learned not only from the Bible and from books, but from life.
In school, it doesn’t matter what you major in. Just find the wisest teachers and take everything from them.
When great changes happen, it's not from new ideas. The reformation was a great leap forward precisely by going backward.
Mistake #3: Having is better than being.
There’s no correlation between the fullness of life and the muchness of having.
Don’t reduce your education to acquiring marketable skills. Study to become and behold, not to be rich.
Mistake #4: Visible is better than invisible.
The most important things are not visible. God is invisible and he is the greatest reality of all. If you structure your life around sight, it will be out of touch with reality.
Do not be much interested in outward appearance. Be interested in inner realities.
From the conclusion:
If God is God—and he is—small with him is better than big with anybody. His old things are better than anybody’s new things. Being his child is better than having the world. And better to be blind with the invisible God than to see everything without him.
I thought these were pretty profound statements I earnestly wish I had heard them prior to entering college. Then again, I wish a lot of things. I hope these speak to your hearts :)
From the intro:
I don’t feel excited when I hear questions like: “You want to be a firefighter? Why are you in college?” “You want to be a homemaker? Why are you in college?”
We’re in school to see a whole panorama of life that comes out in all manifestations of disciplines in the hope that all these beams of light refracted in human minds will lead us to the source of all things so that we know him better.
Every time I send Talitha off to school—she’s in the 5th grade—I try to remember to connect for her what she’s about to do today with Jesus. And not in a superficial way like, if you know this fact it might be useful in witnessing, though that’s true and wonderful. But rather, if you study math, you’re going to know God better. I promise you. As you advance through the complexities of math—from 5th grade to Calculus—you will find out things about the nature of the mind of God that you would not get any other way. It’s the same thing with the way language works. Same thing with processes in history. Same thing in politics and social studies. And art.
So thank you so much for believing that and not being too worried about what you’re going to do when you grow up. You know, I went 4 years to Wheaton, 3 years to Fuller, 3 years to graduate school and at age 28 did not know what I wanted to do when I grew up.
I just knew a few central realities: I love the Bible. I want to use it to help other people obey it for Jesus’ sake.
That leaves open a lot of possibilities!
So you know what I did? I took the first job that was offered to me. Then I took the second job that was offered to me and I’ve been here ever since.
So I’m here to try to share a little wisdom. And I could care less—as long as it’s not sin—what vocation you use this wisdom in.
Mistake #1: Big is better than small.
God uses little David-like people to accomplish huge Goliath-like things because he is jealous to get the credit.
Don’t worry about big. Worry about faithful.
Mistake #2: New is better than old.
Read old books. You need the wisdom of the ages to combat the folly of the present.
When you read books from today, don’t read first and mainly books by emergent writers. Read books first and mainly by old men—J.I. Packer, R.C. Sproul—men with long battled years who have learned not only from the Bible and from books, but from life.
In school, it doesn’t matter what you major in. Just find the wisest teachers and take everything from them.
When great changes happen, it's not from new ideas. The reformation was a great leap forward precisely by going backward.
Mistake #3: Having is better than being.
There’s no correlation between the fullness of life and the muchness of having.
Don’t reduce your education to acquiring marketable skills. Study to become and behold, not to be rich.
Mistake #4: Visible is better than invisible.
The most important things are not visible. God is invisible and he is the greatest reality of all. If you structure your life around sight, it will be out of touch with reality.
Do not be much interested in outward appearance. Be interested in inner realities.
From the conclusion:
If God is God—and he is—small with him is better than big with anybody. His old things are better than anybody’s new things. Being his child is better than having the world. And better to be blind with the invisible God than to see everything without him.
I thought these were pretty profound statements I earnestly wish I had heard them prior to entering college. Then again, I wish a lot of things. I hope these speak to your hearts :)
Thursday, April 10, 2008
I've been doing some thinking drinking
Not really. I have been doing regular thinking, and not drinking. But those are almost the same. So I just finished a paper, on Thursday night at 9 30, the first night the office was back on after months and months off...what a friggin shame. I would have given all 3 of my left testicles to watch that show, and now...nothing. Sigh, what's this world coming to when my teachers assign homework due on a Friday? I hate so much about the way that you choose to be....
So, rather than head home to an empty crib and not a lot to do, I've decided to write a little blizzle...or blizzog...or blog for all you white people who read this (pretty much everyone, right?). I was listening to a John Piper sermon today, and he was talking about this passage in Romans 8. As Paul rights, he expresses how all of creation has been subjected to this futility and is waiting to be restored to the beautiful state "of Eden." As I listened he began to speak so passionately about the state of the world, and how awful it is. Then he said this, "If you don't think it's awful than you live in a bubble, and you aren't sharing."
That statement blew me away, first because I thought it was ridiculous. I had a hard time grabbing on to the thought that this is an awful life, that it is nothing but badness...I mean, there is some good stuff right? But as he elaborated, his insight grew enormously. He wasn't talking about how our individual lives are awful, but the idea that this world has become such a terrible place. Hurricanes, genocides, tsunamis, murders, rapes, and the list goes on...it is not just humans who have been depraved, it is creation to. But as he threw this information out there (while making us all feel great down to our little toesies) I wrestled with it. I fought and fought, wanting to believe that we were not at fault. The truth is...we are.
God looked upon the sin of Adam as so outrageous, as so inhumane and hideous that the world became what it is. So we can look at it one of two ways: The first, this is terribly unfair and unjust and unwarranted and lots of other un's....we don't deserve this. Or the second, sin is a lot worse than I thought it was.
We see in Romans 8 just how much God hates sin, how powerfully and passionately he despises sin because of what it does. It's such a foreign thought to us because we love it...and yet all it does is impose itself on our hearts in place of the Creator. So I guess...think about it. Wonder why there is so much suffering in the world, wrestle with that idea. Good luck to you, it's not an easy road to walk.
Until Next Time,
Jake
So, rather than head home to an empty crib and not a lot to do, I've decided to write a little blizzle...or blizzog...or blog for all you white people who read this (pretty much everyone, right?). I was listening to a John Piper sermon today, and he was talking about this passage in Romans 8. As Paul rights, he expresses how all of creation has been subjected to this futility and is waiting to be restored to the beautiful state "of Eden." As I listened he began to speak so passionately about the state of the world, and how awful it is. Then he said this, "If you don't think it's awful than you live in a bubble, and you aren't sharing."
That statement blew me away, first because I thought it was ridiculous. I had a hard time grabbing on to the thought that this is an awful life, that it is nothing but badness...I mean, there is some good stuff right? But as he elaborated, his insight grew enormously. He wasn't talking about how our individual lives are awful, but the idea that this world has become such a terrible place. Hurricanes, genocides, tsunamis, murders, rapes, and the list goes on...it is not just humans who have been depraved, it is creation to. But as he threw this information out there (while making us all feel great down to our little toesies) I wrestled with it. I fought and fought, wanting to believe that we were not at fault. The truth is...we are.
God looked upon the sin of Adam as so outrageous, as so inhumane and hideous that the world became what it is. So we can look at it one of two ways: The first, this is terribly unfair and unjust and unwarranted and lots of other un's....we don't deserve this. Or the second, sin is a lot worse than I thought it was.
We see in Romans 8 just how much God hates sin, how powerfully and passionately he despises sin because of what it does. It's such a foreign thought to us because we love it...and yet all it does is impose itself on our hearts in place of the Creator. So I guess...think about it. Wonder why there is so much suffering in the world, wrestle with that idea. Good luck to you, it's not an easy road to walk.
Until Next Time,
Jake
Monday, March 31, 2008
I'm Broken
Two words no one wants to hear, no one wants to have anything to do with...pooped on. OK that's not what I'm talking about, being broken. I watch people preach and preach about how God, "wants to bless you and make all your problems go away...you shouldn't be struggling..." It breaks my heart. I AM STRUGGLING!! WHAT ABOUT ME?? WILL I BE LEFT BEHIND? WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG???
These are all questions I ask myself as rich man after rich man tells me that I shouldn't be struggling. Well I am. I'm amazed that you are not, friend, and I am here to tell you that I struggle. Day in and day out my flesh wars against what I ought to do, the things I want to do scream out and scratch and claw trying to grab control of my heart. They burn and are strong and I hate them...but they won't go away. I never had problems with drugs or alcohol or anything like that...but lust was a problem. It is a problem. God has delivered me in some ways, but the battle rages on as my soul is in torment day and night. I cry out for Him and there are times when I feel Him draw near, yet other times my cries seem to go out and come back empty. In my isolation, in the dark nights of my soul I try my best to cling to Scripture claiming God's sovereignty, His absolute omnipresence...but I cannot comprehend it. They become just words strung together with no personal weight. I know He's there, I know it, but I can't feel it and I want to. Have you ever felt this way friends?
God my prayer is that in this case...in my most vulnerable state and experience that I would latch on to your promise. That in all things God works for the good of those who love Him...that He is transforming me into the likeness of His son. My fear is that I take these words and twist them, believing that my reward is now, that I need to be blessed and delivered. God change me, let me see that being transformed into the likeness of Your Son means that I will suffer with Him, that my brokenness will be transcended by His love and presence. That although I am distraught, afflicted, persecuted, and pressed...I am not crushed. I have hope, I have trust, and I will rejoice in the glory of God all of my days. Let this be my heart Lord, change me. Unlock me and let me fall to pieces, broken by Your holy hand.
These are all questions I ask myself as rich man after rich man tells me that I shouldn't be struggling. Well I am. I'm amazed that you are not, friend, and I am here to tell you that I struggle. Day in and day out my flesh wars against what I ought to do, the things I want to do scream out and scratch and claw trying to grab control of my heart. They burn and are strong and I hate them...but they won't go away. I never had problems with drugs or alcohol or anything like that...but lust was a problem. It is a problem. God has delivered me in some ways, but the battle rages on as my soul is in torment day and night. I cry out for Him and there are times when I feel Him draw near, yet other times my cries seem to go out and come back empty. In my isolation, in the dark nights of my soul I try my best to cling to Scripture claiming God's sovereignty, His absolute omnipresence...but I cannot comprehend it. They become just words strung together with no personal weight. I know He's there, I know it, but I can't feel it and I want to. Have you ever felt this way friends?
God my prayer is that in this case...in my most vulnerable state and experience that I would latch on to your promise. That in all things God works for the good of those who love Him...that He is transforming me into the likeness of His son. My fear is that I take these words and twist them, believing that my reward is now, that I need to be blessed and delivered. God change me, let me see that being transformed into the likeness of Your Son means that I will suffer with Him, that my brokenness will be transcended by His love and presence. That although I am distraught, afflicted, persecuted, and pressed...I am not crushed. I have hope, I have trust, and I will rejoice in the glory of God all of my days. Let this be my heart Lord, change me. Unlock me and let me fall to pieces, broken by Your holy hand.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Why I'm dysfunctional
I don't know. I don't know why I act the way I act, why I have to be the best, why I struggle with being proud when I have KNOWLEDGE, FACT, and PROOF that I am absolutely nothing. As I look back at a weekend that had the potential to change my life, and I selfishly took it and smashed it, I feel so selfish, so alone.
I read through Genesis and as I looked at the curse of man, after listening to a podcast and praying, I kept hearing that I'm supposed to be a cultivator. My job is to grow and improve and love and nurture everything in my life, and to do that without reward? That sucks!! My nature, all I want is to give up on things when they are hard. I want to stop trying, or to lash out. Those two responses...flesh. My inclination in almost every reaction I choose...Flesh. I NEED the transforming power of the Holy Spirit to change me. I can't do it on my own...it is absolutely impossible for ME to love and serve when it is not in my best interest...I HATE IT!!! I have that feeling where I want to throw something across the room. Like that Snickers commercial with the viking, just grunt and throw a garbage can at a car. That's what I want! Why do I have to apologize and ask for forgiveness? I have to do everything I don't want to do. I can't do it on my own.
Jesus help me, I may do it well for a day or two on my own, but without you I will fail time and time again. I need you, I need your Spirit, I need. I know that you will give me all the things necessary to succeed, so impute your righteousness. Impute your patience and love and service and nurturing nature. I cannot do it without those things, help me Lord. I want to be a man.
I read through Genesis and as I looked at the curse of man, after listening to a podcast and praying, I kept hearing that I'm supposed to be a cultivator. My job is to grow and improve and love and nurture everything in my life, and to do that without reward? That sucks!! My nature, all I want is to give up on things when they are hard. I want to stop trying, or to lash out. Those two responses...flesh. My inclination in almost every reaction I choose...Flesh. I NEED the transforming power of the Holy Spirit to change me. I can't do it on my own...it is absolutely impossible for ME to love and serve when it is not in my best interest...I HATE IT!!! I have that feeling where I want to throw something across the room. Like that Snickers commercial with the viking, just grunt and throw a garbage can at a car. That's what I want! Why do I have to apologize and ask for forgiveness? I have to do everything I don't want to do. I can't do it on my own.
Jesus help me, I may do it well for a day or two on my own, but without you I will fail time and time again. I need you, I need your Spirit, I need. I know that you will give me all the things necessary to succeed, so impute your righteousness. Impute your patience and love and service and nurturing nature. I cannot do it without those things, help me Lord. I want to be a man.
Monday, March 10, 2008
AAARRRGGGHHH
Have you ever been so frustrated with something you don't know what other course of action to take other than walking away? I have. I am. I'm trying. Lord, how do I remedy a situation I don't even want to be in? All I want is to fast forward through time so I can get to a point where I'm "ready." I'm so sick of this growing and stretching and pain, all I want is to move forward, and right now it's a snail's pace! Walking away gives you perspective, but I don't want to walk anymore. I'm trying to press through, I'm trying to follow, and I only get so far before I, like a dog, return to my vomit. It's such a graphic image and yet it is all we do. We leave shame and sin behind for a moment and seconds later I come back like I can't even remember what it was. WHY ME GOD??? WHY NOW? What are you trying to accomplish in me? Is it working?
But I know you are there, and through your faithfulness you will make me strong. You will carry me through, and no longer will my enemies triumph over me. I will dance around the throne of the Lord forever, even in sorrow I will rejoice, as I dwell in the house of the Lord for eternity.
But I know you are there, and through your faithfulness you will make me strong. You will carry me through, and no longer will my enemies triumph over me. I will dance around the throne of the Lord forever, even in sorrow I will rejoice, as I dwell in the house of the Lord for eternity.
Friday, March 7, 2008
I want to yearn
I've been puzzled lately over the fact that this generation of people don't seem to "need" Jesus. Let me clarify, I feel that I need Him, and I probably wouldn't even be alive today if it weren't for him. But I look at people so content with their lives the way they are and they don't seem to need Jesus in any way...in fact, they sometimes seem happier than even me.
As I look back on people like King David, Augustine, Calvin, Edwards, and all the other great names, there was an undeniable dependency on God. In Psalm 42 David writes these words: "Like a deer pants for water brooks, so my soul pant for thee, Oh God." There is a desperation there, a need. He paints such a poignant picture of a deer that is in desperate need of a refreshing drink as we are in need of a drink of living water. So where has this desperation gone? What happened to it? In a world more broken and more hollow than ever before the thought would be that people are in even more need of the loving kindness of God...but we all seem to have turned our backs somehow. Why do we pretend to not need Him? Is it because we are afraid to show that we are vulnerable? In this world so broken we feel the need to cover our desperation and say that we can muster up the strength to do it on our own.
I stand here as a man to tell you all, I cannot do it on my own. In my weakness I am made strong, so I boast and delight in these weaknesses because I know that reinforcement is on the way and that back up cannot be stopped. Not now and not ever...it is for this reason that I am not ashamed to say I need Him, to say I want Him, that my soul is desperate for the company of a God so great that He was willing to go to the greatest lengths imaginable to win my heart. A God so great that even in my darkest hour as I ran in the opposite direction of His arms he chased me, never letting me go too far from His presence. Yes friends, I need Him...you need Him. It's hard to be dependant on someone when we all want to come off as self sufficient and strong, but for just a moment put down your mask and unlock the door. Let the King in, He wants you, to be there for you, and the funny thing is He is the only one who will never hurt us and let us down. Open...Open!!! Be desperate and weak with me, I want to yearn and pant and cry out for the presence of the living God.
As I look back on people like King David, Augustine, Calvin, Edwards, and all the other great names, there was an undeniable dependency on God. In Psalm 42 David writes these words: "Like a deer pants for water brooks, so my soul pant for thee, Oh God." There is a desperation there, a need. He paints such a poignant picture of a deer that is in desperate need of a refreshing drink as we are in need of a drink of living water. So where has this desperation gone? What happened to it? In a world more broken and more hollow than ever before the thought would be that people are in even more need of the loving kindness of God...but we all seem to have turned our backs somehow. Why do we pretend to not need Him? Is it because we are afraid to show that we are vulnerable? In this world so broken we feel the need to cover our desperation and say that we can muster up the strength to do it on our own.
I stand here as a man to tell you all, I cannot do it on my own. In my weakness I am made strong, so I boast and delight in these weaknesses because I know that reinforcement is on the way and that back up cannot be stopped. Not now and not ever...it is for this reason that I am not ashamed to say I need Him, to say I want Him, that my soul is desperate for the company of a God so great that He was willing to go to the greatest lengths imaginable to win my heart. A God so great that even in my darkest hour as I ran in the opposite direction of His arms he chased me, never letting me go too far from His presence. Yes friends, I need Him...you need Him. It's hard to be dependant on someone when we all want to come off as self sufficient and strong, but for just a moment put down your mask and unlock the door. Let the King in, He wants you, to be there for you, and the funny thing is He is the only one who will never hurt us and let us down. Open...Open!!! Be desperate and weak with me, I want to yearn and pant and cry out for the presence of the living God.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Why?
It's so easy for me to say that I have the story I have so I can reach people. God gave me this testimony because it makes me who I am. I have such a hard time accepting that though, especially as of late. I found myself driving to class today asking God why I wandered away for so long. Where He was all that time, and why He let me do it. I cannot help but fall face first after moments like that, but it seems so logical. My life would be so different today had I not turned my back on God in the past, and who knows, maybe the lives of my friends would be different too. As I drove, crying out my own modern sort of lament, I began to stumble through a few verses from Psalm 51 that I remembered. It was written by David after his affair with Bethsheba, and he says this:
"Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
2Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
3For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me.
4Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge.
5Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me.
6Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being,
And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.
7Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8Make me to hear joy and gladness,
Let the bones which You have broken rejoice.
9Hide Your face from my sins
And blot out all my iniquities.
10Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11Do not cast me away from Your presence
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. 1
2Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
And sustain me with a willing spirit.
13Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners will be converted to You.
14Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation;
Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness.
15O Lord, open my lips, That my mouth may declare Your praise.
16For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;
You are not pleased with burnt offering.
17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.
18By Your favor do good to Zion;
Build the walls of Jerusalem.
19Then You will delight in righteous sacrifices,
In burnt offering and whole burnt offering;
Then young bulls will be offered on Your altar." King David
So much of this applies to my life, but the thing that hit me the hardest was this. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart. God will not despise these things...contrite means to be remorseful, and when we have that attitude God sees that we are sincere. I cannot want anything other than to not have the history that I have, because without wanting it I would not be repentant. I guess what i'm trying to say is that I have done so many foolish things in this life and I hate that those around me in the future will have to pay a price at all for my actions. But I do know this, my prayer everyday is that God blots out my iniquities, and hides his face from my sin. And most of all, that he restores to me the joy of HIS salvation, the salvation he brought to me. And since this has happened, like David my life will be dedicated to teaching transgressors His ways, and my prayer is that they will be converted...from death to life.
"Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
2Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
3For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me.
4Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge.
5Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me.
6Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being,
And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.
7Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8Make me to hear joy and gladness,
Let the bones which You have broken rejoice.
9Hide Your face from my sins
And blot out all my iniquities.
10Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11Do not cast me away from Your presence
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. 1
2Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
And sustain me with a willing spirit.
13Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners will be converted to You.
14Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation;
Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness.
15O Lord, open my lips, That my mouth may declare Your praise.
16For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;
You are not pleased with burnt offering.
17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.
18By Your favor do good to Zion;
Build the walls of Jerusalem.
19Then You will delight in righteous sacrifices,
In burnt offering and whole burnt offering;
Then young bulls will be offered on Your altar." King David
So much of this applies to my life, but the thing that hit me the hardest was this. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart. God will not despise these things...contrite means to be remorseful, and when we have that attitude God sees that we are sincere. I cannot want anything other than to not have the history that I have, because without wanting it I would not be repentant. I guess what i'm trying to say is that I have done so many foolish things in this life and I hate that those around me in the future will have to pay a price at all for my actions. But I do know this, my prayer everyday is that God blots out my iniquities, and hides his face from my sin. And most of all, that he restores to me the joy of HIS salvation, the salvation he brought to me. And since this has happened, like David my life will be dedicated to teaching transgressors His ways, and my prayer is that they will be converted...from death to life.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
The Warmth
Your love overwhelms me moving all around, I fall to my knees and press my face to the ground. I have no words only tears, racing to the ground with my deepest fears. I crumble to pieces in awe of your presence, saved and redeemed from life as a peasant....and now, forever I am yours.
So sing with me dance with me, children of the king. Let your heart cry out to the love so rescuing. Laugh with me cry with me glorious one, pour your love out through the holy Son.
You stood before me creating the earth, witnessed all my sins since my birth. Never stopped loving I was cradled in your arms, put back together while patching my scars. A bruised and broken life I bring to the altar, afraid of being alone again I falter. Only a little more grace and I will make it through, once more I find myself running to you. But you do not withhold mercy and again I unfold, so easily in your hands with love I am told...forever I am yours
So sing with me dance with me, children of the king. Let your heart cry out to the love so rescuing. Laugh with me cry with me glorious one, pour your love out through the holy Son.
So sing with me dance with me, children of the king. Let your heart cry out to the love so rescuing. Laugh with me cry with me glorious one, pour your love out through the holy Son.
You stood before me creating the earth, witnessed all my sins since my birth. Never stopped loving I was cradled in your arms, put back together while patching my scars. A bruised and broken life I bring to the altar, afraid of being alone again I falter. Only a little more grace and I will make it through, once more I find myself running to you. But you do not withhold mercy and again I unfold, so easily in your hands with love I am told...forever I am yours
So sing with me dance with me, children of the king. Let your heart cry out to the love so rescuing. Laugh with me cry with me glorious one, pour your love out through the holy Son.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
