I remember as a kid I would dress up in my dad's cowboy boots, wear boxers, a t-shirt, tie a towel around my neck as a substitute cape, and wear a mask around my eyes. This made me Batman. I say this not to reveal my secret identity, although I am the caped crusader, I say it because there are times I miss those days. I miss being able to look in the mirror and see what I wanted to see. I wasn't phased by my 2'3" frame, I wasn't phased by my sun-bleached bowl cut, and my freckles didn't disqualify me from destroying bad guys. I would put those boots on and I was Batman, it was the equivalent to stepping into a different universe.
There are often times when I look into the mirror today and I see that same little boy. Not Batman, but the little boy who was scared of spiders, scared of being alone, and facing constant doubts. I see that little boy today in different things (although spiders are still all too dangerous). Today I look in the mirror and glaring insufficiency meets my eye line. Doubts about my calling, doubts about my qualifications, and doubts about my faith peak at seemingly audible levels...and I'm forced to turn away. I don't like that man. I don't like the one in the mirror, the man who has issues and problems and fears and difficulties. I can't look at him too long before his soul is exposed and I am overcome with grief for all of my shortcomings. He's not supposed to be a pastor...he's not supposed to be pure...he's not supposed to preach...how could he when he is worse off than the people he's preaching to? Terrifying.
And yet, I still have a mirror. It rests humbly in the bathroom above the sink. I consult it daily to assure that I'm presentable and ready for life. There are moments when I see that man in the mirror, but I am called back to words like these-
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful." Col. 3:12-15
"Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. 2 Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit." Psalm 32:1-2
Oh how I rejoice that the man in the mirror is one who is forgiven! A man who the Bible calls blessed, supremely happy, praised because my sin is gone! I can look in that mirror and know that my insufficiency does not play the loudest tune...but like the boy that once pushed back darkness as Batman, I can push back darkness as one saved by God! I can look in the mirror and not see a broken soul, but one knitted back together by the very hands of Christ. I can view myself, not in light of my failure, but in full view of God's glorious success! I can stand, look into the mirror, and see a boy dressed in a man's clothes. I can see a boy who has put on a bathrobe far too large, and it covers up all that is wrong with him. I can put on the righteousness of Christ and know that I am completely covered, even my wickedness, that same boy with all the issues...He can be covered by the righteousness of Christ. That is blessed! I am blessed to know Him.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Fighting for Joy
I have thought much on the dangers of emotion. I would not define myself as an emotional man as much as I am passionate, I hardly wreck myself due to situations surrounding, however, the more time I spend with people the more I recognize the propensity to be swayed by the slightest spring breeze. People are so often driven to emotional frenzies by the situations that life dictates. Identifying this foul up hardly makes life much easier, but it is possible that this identification will develop something I will refer to as steadfastness.
For as long as I can remember I have been prone to bouts of melancholy. Most of the time the onsets are initiated by loneliness, but at times they seem completely unwarranted and out of place. In days past my response was to flow with my mood, so much so that even the music I chose was founded upon which “emotional state” I had complacently accepted. In my thought on the topic, a phrase has resurfaced time and time again, that phrase being, “Fight for joy.” I borrow it from Dr. John Piper, probably most notably in the book When I Don’t Desire God. Upon first hearing the phrase I was consumed by thoughts of “convincing myself otherwise” and “seeing the silver lining.” I had the idea that I could shift and change the feelings I experienced into something positive. Yet, I don’t believe this is the basis of the statement at all. Human beings are emotional creatures, we are designed to respond emotionally to situations. Without emotional response we would not be human, and thus it is an integral part of our created being. The trouble is, sometimes emotion can be deceiving. Surrendering control of our actions to emotion leads to dangerous decisions, i.e. suicide as the result of hopelessness, drinking as the result of regret, sex as the result of loneliness, marriage as the result of pleasure, etc.. Unfortunately, these things do not offer a solution to the weight in each emotion because feelings are so fickle. I cannot remember a “happiness” in my life that lasted more than a few days, and I certainly cannot formulate an example of a darkness that would not depart. You see, because emotions are controlled by circumstance, and circumstance is constantly changing, our emotions are wholly unstable. While this seems like a logical argument, the strength of the emotions that we feel lead us to believe otherwise. Happiness makes us so ecstatic that foolishness is no disgrace. Sadness makes us so desperate that we must escape it. And heartbreak is so crippling that it must be mended with new love quickly, lest we die with a fault line in our chest. And yet, even the silliest of men will tell you that those emotions will fade in time.
My charge is one that comes from a bleeding heart- fight for joy. The strength of emotions is one of the mightiest of men, and yet it can be overcome. We mustn’t arrive at a place where emotions are shut off altogether, but rather, search for a destination where circumstances do not dictate our response. I say fight for joy because joy is no state of mind, it is a state of being. There is a joy that exists that cannot be touched by sadness, despair, loneliness, or even happiness. There is a joy that wells up inside the soul and is defended forcefully by truth and love. This joy comes from knowing Christ as Savior and as Lord. The joy rests in knowing that while life may be difficult, one day my Savior is going to return and all that has gone wrong in this life will no longer be of substance. Joy is founded upon the promise that Christ is working all things together for the good of those who love him. My joy resides in the knowledge that at this very moment Jesus is at the feet of the Father pleading for me, interceding for me, praying for me to persevere. So while difficulty seems to be surrounding me and demanding a surrender, despair has made rest in my bed, loneliness I call a constant companion, and uncertainty continues to enfold- I believe that one day the dawn will arrive. The sun will set on the dark night of the soul and my Jesus will rescue me, my face unveiled completely, and the emotions that once haunted my every moment will be departed for all time. This knowledge is my weapon as I continue to fight the darkness. And I invite you to join me in this life, fight for joy.
“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” Psalm 42:5-6a
“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:1-4
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” Romans 8:18
For as long as I can remember I have been prone to bouts of melancholy. Most of the time the onsets are initiated by loneliness, but at times they seem completely unwarranted and out of place. In days past my response was to flow with my mood, so much so that even the music I chose was founded upon which “emotional state” I had complacently accepted. In my thought on the topic, a phrase has resurfaced time and time again, that phrase being, “Fight for joy.” I borrow it from Dr. John Piper, probably most notably in the book When I Don’t Desire God. Upon first hearing the phrase I was consumed by thoughts of “convincing myself otherwise” and “seeing the silver lining.” I had the idea that I could shift and change the feelings I experienced into something positive. Yet, I don’t believe this is the basis of the statement at all. Human beings are emotional creatures, we are designed to respond emotionally to situations. Without emotional response we would not be human, and thus it is an integral part of our created being. The trouble is, sometimes emotion can be deceiving. Surrendering control of our actions to emotion leads to dangerous decisions, i.e. suicide as the result of hopelessness, drinking as the result of regret, sex as the result of loneliness, marriage as the result of pleasure, etc.. Unfortunately, these things do not offer a solution to the weight in each emotion because feelings are so fickle. I cannot remember a “happiness” in my life that lasted more than a few days, and I certainly cannot formulate an example of a darkness that would not depart. You see, because emotions are controlled by circumstance, and circumstance is constantly changing, our emotions are wholly unstable. While this seems like a logical argument, the strength of the emotions that we feel lead us to believe otherwise. Happiness makes us so ecstatic that foolishness is no disgrace. Sadness makes us so desperate that we must escape it. And heartbreak is so crippling that it must be mended with new love quickly, lest we die with a fault line in our chest. And yet, even the silliest of men will tell you that those emotions will fade in time.
My charge is one that comes from a bleeding heart- fight for joy. The strength of emotions is one of the mightiest of men, and yet it can be overcome. We mustn’t arrive at a place where emotions are shut off altogether, but rather, search for a destination where circumstances do not dictate our response. I say fight for joy because joy is no state of mind, it is a state of being. There is a joy that exists that cannot be touched by sadness, despair, loneliness, or even happiness. There is a joy that wells up inside the soul and is defended forcefully by truth and love. This joy comes from knowing Christ as Savior and as Lord. The joy rests in knowing that while life may be difficult, one day my Savior is going to return and all that has gone wrong in this life will no longer be of substance. Joy is founded upon the promise that Christ is working all things together for the good of those who love him. My joy resides in the knowledge that at this very moment Jesus is at the feet of the Father pleading for me, interceding for me, praying for me to persevere. So while difficulty seems to be surrounding me and demanding a surrender, despair has made rest in my bed, loneliness I call a constant companion, and uncertainty continues to enfold- I believe that one day the dawn will arrive. The sun will set on the dark night of the soul and my Jesus will rescue me, my face unveiled completely, and the emotions that once haunted my every moment will be departed for all time. This knowledge is my weapon as I continue to fight the darkness. And I invite you to join me in this life, fight for joy.
“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” Psalm 42:5-6a
“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:1-4
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” Romans 8:18
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