Sin

It's late. Greek makes my head hurt. I haven't slept enough lately and the knowledge of not getting enough homework done over break is haunting my thoughts. I procrastinate, write blogs, and spend time with friends when I should be working. Organs inside me crawl very much aware of the work required in order to be "on track." Define normal?

I'm 22. I grew up in church. Things have been easy for me my entire life. I'm really good at telling people about things I don't do myself. Hypocrisy. I've been "single" for 2 1/2 years always on the verge of a poor decision. The same sins that wrecked me as a 14 year old cloud my thoughts today. In my cowardice I want to attribute my trespasses to someone/something else. Most of my life has been about me...plain and simple, it is my world. People tell me I'm nice, funny, smart, talented, charismatic, etc...I'm none of those things. I struggle and wrestle and search and plead and hurt and cry and beg. Things aren't easy. I know my sins. Why won't they let me be?

The last 7 days have bore the aftermath of my wracked brain reaching its end. Christmas break- a break for some but not for I. Holiday for most but for me a lie. I am naked before God. He has stripped me bare and I stand before Him in judgment expecting condemnation much deserved. Instead I hear a verdict stating my sentence has been served. My death and suffering have been accomplished by another- there is good news. My wretched estate has been redeemed by the Lord of the Earth and I weep joyously. Ever thankful, never forgetting, eternally repentant, and overwhelmed with gratitude. Though I was found lacking now I am loved.

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

While I AM A SINNER...I AM A SINNER...and Christ died for me. Praise Him.