The "Soul Sigh"

The soul sigh is a term I am going to borrow momentarily from my very close personal friend Matt Chandler. I read it and it clicked with me so I'm going to steal it, maybe for good, we'll see. Essentially, it's an exasperated sigh knowing what's coming. It's that feeling you get when you're a little kid and you've done something bad and you know you deserve a spanking and you're about to get one. That little moment when you go, yup, it's for my own good : / They are not fun moments, but nonetheless they are very much NEEDED moments. Tonight for me was one of the most satisfying nights of my very brief ministry career. I sat and listened to two of my small group students (the only two that came) converse about the work that God has done in their lives since salvation.

Now I don't have kids, but in terms of symbolism you could call my students my children in a way. So I care deeply about these guys, and sharing this experience with them was absolutely beyond measure. I've always heard the phrase that parents can learn something from their children, but I never fully understood it until tonight. As those two boys/men sat there talking, they were uttering the most brilliant things. I was trying to mentally record quotes from the conversation but the nuggets of beauty flowed faster than this little mind could track. I saved a few, but the one that struck me the hardest was this, said from a young man who has been a Christian for roughly a year, to another guy who's been a Christian for roughly 9 months..."I could never relate to the Psalms until recently. It was like I had never experienced that kind of loneliness and turmoil so I had no idea what he was talking about. But lately, I get it. I had to give up the thing that was keeping me from that loneliness...and it's the hardest thing in the world to let it go but it was like...NO! NO! NO! Ok, I know...yes. I just get it now."

I feel ashamed quoting him without making him aware, but can you see the brilliant radiant face of God Himself beaming off of that statement? Let me unveil it a little. God is using the most difficult time in his life, a time that before he met Jesus he deemed absolutely impossible (the old I'd die without you scenario), to draw him into the arms of God. To bring him to the cross, not gently, but with the intent of learning to worship one thing and one thing only. He has been led to the cross to learn what Christ and suffering and surrender and death is all about...and now HE JUST GETS IT!!

It was this that made me let out a soul sigh. I had come upon some rough times lately, but this statement was like, bright light in my eye...Ok, I get it. I'm sorry I've avoided it for so long, it's time to be obedient. After all, obedience is proof of love. Obedience proving love and leading to joy...maybe not now, but as a time in my life approaches rapidly and I am forced to submit to the will of God rather than arrogantly assuming I can write my own story here, joy will come. Joy will follow the heartache and loneliness and sorrow that stem from dying to self.

God's not just some bully who wants to spoil all our fun. So often we see dying to self as torture (which it absolutely is, believe me) that is endless and totally pointless!! We skip right over the resurrection and the restoration part. As we die to ourselves, more of Christ comes to life in us and we begin to see the ultimate restorative plan He was writing all along (not to mention the red marks where we tried to pen the biography). That's the issue I have to deal with...set aside your pride Jake and recognize that you can't do this on your own, and maybe, just maybe He knows a little better than you do what is good and what's not. It's not easy being green...


"...So we fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12