The Bucket List

I recently watched "The Bucket List" with my family and I really enjoyed it. If you haven't seen it, I would recommend it although it is a bit sad. There is a little language in it and some other stuff to deal with, but all in all it is a solid film. Plus, I love Morgan Freeman. But that's not the point. At the end of the movie Carter writes a letter to his buddy Edward and this quote ends it...

"My pastor always says our lives are streams flowing into the same river towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls. Find the joy in your life, Edward. My dear friend, close your eyes and let the waters take you home. "

I struggle with a lot of points in the quote looking at it theologically (obviously), but more than anything I enjoy the tone. Close your eyes and let the water take you home. It seems a bit like life is leading you somewhere doesn't it? Like life isn't just some random grouping of sporadic events thrown together in space and time to eclipse a span of 40-80 years. It's not as random as we'd like to thing. So I guess...where is life leading you? Where has the river of your life drifted by, and where exactly are you headed?

Such a sweet revelation

I love the Bible. I love that when I read the Bible different passages mean different things to me at any given time. I love this book, I love the men (and women) who wrote it and starred in it.

I was reading Hosea tonight, my final stint in the book, and it jarred something sweet. As I read in chapter 14 Hosea calling the Israelites to repentance I couldn't help but weep in seeing myself in this book. "Return, Oh Israel, to the Lord your God. Your sins have been your downfall!" Attributed to nothing but our own rebelliousness, the broken nature of the world revealed in the destruction heaped upon a nation at this point. But he doesn't stop there. He urges them to repent, not in fear but in love and rationale. To see the goodness of God and come running. Hosea says take words with you. This is the ultimate statement. He's telling them, He doesn't want your money or your sheep or your cows or your wood or grain offerings! That's not what He is after! You are missing it, take words!! Bring words to the altar...words that show your heart and repentance, for once. It's all you need, cut open your heart and pour yourself out on this altar, calling out for help and he will come. I hear the desperation in Hosea's call to his people and I am overwhelmed with sorrow. Not only for them but for myself.

But there is more, a beautiful word and I am so glad he put it in there because it comforts me. As he talks about never forsaking God again we see God's nature. "For in you the fatherless find compassion." How amazing and wonderful is this God Hosea sees? Not that people should come running to Him in fear of His wrath (although it would be justified) but that they should come running in view of His mercy. He will provide all that they need, just come to him with an authentic heart and desire for Him.

"And oh how lovely, is the King in all His glory. Is the Christ who is holy, who was, and who is? And how amazing, is His love so unfailing. It's His grace that draws us near...It's His grace..."

Olly Olly Oxen Free?

Do you ever wonder why we struggle the way we do? Why in our greatest moments we feel like we can do no wrong, and yet any amount of time later we are left lacking...thinking we can do no right. I've always mused over the fickle nature of inspiration. I have time and again had thoughts like Peter, even if all the rest fall away Lord I will surely not. Brief fractions of time where I had the faith that could move mountains. I would die for God. I would never sin again. I was through with my old life.

And then the inspiration faded like a hit sitcom starring Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski and I was left feeling alone, in the dark once more just getting owned by sin. Where did that other guy go? Like Peter, the guy who cut off the guard's ear ready to fight to the death to rescue Jesus. And then even hours later denies the Christ he was going to die for to a little girl. WHERE DID IT GO? Why does inspiration have to leave? Such a fleeting desire...why must you continuously play with my mind?

What in the world?

So I was watching the Olympics and listening to some MC today...no not Hammer, Chandler. He put this thought out there about how we expect everything in life to come quickly. Things just keep getting faster and faster. For instance: Emails, instant. Text messaging, instant. Customer Service, Better be quick. And finally (as Dane Cook would say) DMV, still takes forever.

I found myself holding true to this idea today. I was texting Lauren and when it would take like 30 minutes to get a response I wanted to freak out and throw my phone. Then I'm going over to the Oquist's crib for my play date and I hit traffic on I-5 north at 5:30 and I'm laying on the horn. "What in the world?"

In a world where we want everything instantly, "spirituality" does not fit into culture. What God promises is the relief from carrying the burden of sin, not relief from sinning. So being sanctified can sometimes feel like we aren't moving at all...and because we have been so oriented towards instant gratification we end up quitting on something. I'm guilty...again.

Forgive me Lord for my impatience. Help me to trust in your timing and not my own desires. As I wrestle my flesh will you triumph in every battle, outlasting and enduring the onslaught of the enemy. I will wait for you Lord, and strength will rise as I wait. Amen.

Puzzling the puzzler

Lately I've found myself absolutely mystified by the simplest things. For instance, I can't look up at the night sky for a period of time less than 3 minutes (am I exaggerating? You'll have to see me to find out...but yes). The way the moon and the stars perfectly compliment each other is phenomenal. The silver light that streaks across the sky, and the difference in luminosity of each and every star. It's absolutely breathtaking. Or even more spectacular to me is the majesty of moving water. I have not recently had the privilege, but in the past it was quite frequent...to stand at the edge of solid ground and watch the waves smash into rocks and sand. I stand there paralyzed in awe of creation...wondering how two towers of strength could collide so frequently and yet neither is dismayed. Water violently ricochets off the rocks and it takes years and years to even make a dent. The power of the ocean, the strength of stone. It seems the two have been destined to butt heads until the end of time.

I've never felt so small. And at the same time, God has never looked so big.

The Surrender

Those of you who are close to me know a few things that others may not. Let me clarify: I struggle with pride. There are moments in my life where I look at someone and something and think/know I could do it better than them. And these moments are not rare. There are many other things I deal with daily that I will not mention on here for the sake of well...my pride, dignity, time, whatever else. But stemming from pride I have this overwhelming tendency to judge people. I don't mean judge the sinner and prostitute and drug addict...somehow God has granted me the wisdom to know better than that. I have found myself judging Christians. Almost daily. I look at people in all their situations and wonder if they are Christians, if they are real, or even if they are worth my time.

I hate this. Haha, I really do hate it. God has been hammering me lately that everyone has their issues. Everyone has problems, myself included (probably more than most) and yet I would never want someone to look at me and judge me on the spot. My biggest problem is being so unfairly critical of pastors. In nakedness to all of you, I say that I fear my own heart a great deal. So when I see pastors with lots of money, lots of stuff, or even pursuing those things I have a problem with it. The real issue isn't them, it's me. I realize in my heart of hearts that I need to stop focusing on others and start focusing on where I'm being disobedient, where I'm struggling, and what I need to change.

Thank you Lord for this realization. Oh that I would rejoice in you and boast only in the cross. Humble me Father, and leave me in this desert as long as it takes me to learn.