The Surrender

Those of you who are close to me know a few things that others may not. Let me clarify: I struggle with pride. There are moments in my life where I look at someone and something and think/know I could do it better than them. And these moments are not rare. There are many other things I deal with daily that I will not mention on here for the sake of well...my pride, dignity, time, whatever else. But stemming from pride I have this overwhelming tendency to judge people. I don't mean judge the sinner and prostitute and drug addict...somehow God has granted me the wisdom to know better than that. I have found myself judging Christians. Almost daily. I look at people in all their situations and wonder if they are Christians, if they are real, or even if they are worth my time.

I hate this. Haha, I really do hate it. God has been hammering me lately that everyone has their issues. Everyone has problems, myself included (probably more than most) and yet I would never want someone to look at me and judge me on the spot. My biggest problem is being so unfairly critical of pastors. In nakedness to all of you, I say that I fear my own heart a great deal. So when I see pastors with lots of money, lots of stuff, or even pursuing those things I have a problem with it. The real issue isn't them, it's me. I realize in my heart of hearts that I need to stop focusing on others and start focusing on where I'm being disobedient, where I'm struggling, and what I need to change.

Thank you Lord for this realization. Oh that I would rejoice in you and boast only in the cross. Humble me Father, and leave me in this desert as long as it takes me to learn.