For those of you who know me, (regarding the three people who read this blog, if there are even three of you) this blog may be old news. However, in the spirit of honesty and brutality, I must confess something to you. I am a glory hog...I hate when other people get credit or attention for something that I put together, and even more so I hate when I put time into something and it gets no glory whatsoever. You could say I was the poster child for the No Guts No Glory slogan, because glory was my desire. I love when people affirm me for doing well, and I hate when people give me no feedback on a job that I have done. I would like to know if it is spectacular, or crap. For me, there is no in between (Some of you are focusing on the word crap because in your mind it is a swear, get over it and stay with me here...). Mediocrity is not an option in the land of Jake, that's why when I find out that I'm not very good at something I usually do not pursue it. You can call this pride, and you'd be right...I like to think of it as selective participation. For instance, I am terrible at the game speed, always have been...so the last time I played it was about 5th grade. Unfortunately for some of you, that means when I do participate in something that means I am going to beat you at it, but take solace in the fact that if I don't you are better than me. Almost guaranteed.
That being said, there are times when I legitimately ponder if I am a Christian or not. Have you ever had that thought? Sort of like, eternal insecurity. So as I look over the different facets and actions in my life, I can never see the reason God has chosen me as "elect." So I agree with our term, unconditional election, meaning we are chosen by God strictly out of his sovereignty, our actions and will have nothing to do with it. So in that sovereignty, he rescues me from the fires of hell. Somehow in the process of this happening, my mind tells me that I am responsible for myself. The human condition is like Paul says in Romans 7:
15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
It's like he's writing about my life. I want to do good, but I can't carry it out. Every day I say the words, "Lord not for my glory but yours." And yet I constantly find myself searching for ways to be glorified. Why???? It is the most frustrating thing in the world for me that God has fashioned me in a way that all I want to do is better my self-image, seek my glory, make my name known, get rich and powerful and be respected and liked...and the thing that I hate doing the most He asks me to do. That when I act something out or put work into something He says, give me the glory...make my name great...better my image, set aside your life, give it to me, it's mine!! How frustrating is this? I hate it and I wonder why God made me this way most of the time.
But in times of sanity, as God slowly stitches my mind and heart back together I look at the brilliant side of the way he has sewn the universe together. The amazing, selfless work He has put forth, and the hurt and pain that I alone have caused him and it is so awfully, incredibly, painfully humbling. In those times of deepest hurt, and the darkest of nights, I am forced to come to the realization that it was His to begin with. He made the universe, He gave me the mind to work, the hands to serve, the will to succeed, and the freedom to live. The sad thing is, I want glory so desperately and yet when I get it I don't even know how to handle it. Maybe that's why God designed glory only for Himself, because when we get our hands on it it's like a homeless man finding a million dollars...or like grocery shopping when you're hungry, or giving mountain dew to a jr. high boy...when we take it we only want more and more and we can't get enough...we become addicted and we are literally stealing the rug from under the feet of God.
That's why the Old Testament was so painful, because people kept taking the glory of God...that was the original fall of man. Adam said, I want some of this knowledge for myself. Give me the glory too!! I want to share in this action!! So as he ate that fruit, he was becoming addicted to something that would kill him, quite literally. God knew Adam would never be able to handle it, that as long as he lived he would continue the hunt for more and more self-edification and so he brought about the end of life for the first time ever and said, because of this you will have to die. It's painful isn't it? That we have always tried to accumulate humility by deflecting praise and accolades, or trying to attribute it to other things...we even use the words, "Glory to God." But in my heart I try and hide just how much I enjoy hearing my name and not God's and I love when people say, "Jake you did such a good job with this..." So no matter how often I deflect it, God sees the heart. Why else would Jesus say, "You've heard it said don't murder your brother, but to have hatred in your heart is the same!! (Paraphrased by me)" God sees the heart, I can't hide anything from Him.
So I guess what this blog is about is my confession...my "type A" personality of perfectionist problem solver is so incredibly dangerous, especially for a man who wants to be a preacher. I covet your prayers, all both of you reading this...pray for me. For like Paul I do not do what I want to do, and exactly what I don't want to do (what I hate) I do. Pray that if I do preach and teach, that God will be the one speaking and not me, that for a moment in time I can set aside myself and let Him work and say what He wants to say...please pray.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
I'm on top of the world....
Looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find.... Is the love that I've found ever since you've been around Your love's put me at the top of the world...
Aaah, sing it Carpenter's. you old souls starved by anorexia and tormented by self-image. How do I find solace in your words? Simple...like the rest of us, it sounds catchy, I'll repeat it. Take off the filter of critically consuming and let in whatever crap decides to influx at the moment. Jesus called me to be in the world, not of it...well that's tough seeing as I came from dust. Might as well concede the battle now and give in to all my fleshly desires, it's bound to happen sooner or later; right? I used a semi-colon...I swore I would never use a semi-colon on here. What's wrong with me?
Have you ever felt like you're fighting an uphill battle on ice with spears with 1 man charging 500 and they are all armed with semi-automatic weapons? Sometimes I do...and then I just listen to the Carpenter's and sing along..."I'm on, top of the world looking, down on creation and the only explanation I can find..." Yup, all better now.
Aaah, sing it Carpenter's. you old souls starved by anorexia and tormented by self-image. How do I find solace in your words? Simple...like the rest of us, it sounds catchy, I'll repeat it. Take off the filter of critically consuming and let in whatever crap decides to influx at the moment. Jesus called me to be in the world, not of it...well that's tough seeing as I came from dust. Might as well concede the battle now and give in to all my fleshly desires, it's bound to happen sooner or later; right? I used a semi-colon...I swore I would never use a semi-colon on here. What's wrong with me?
Have you ever felt like you're fighting an uphill battle on ice with spears with 1 man charging 500 and they are all armed with semi-automatic weapons? Sometimes I do...and then I just listen to the Carpenter's and sing along..."I'm on, top of the world looking, down on creation and the only explanation I can find..." Yup, all better now.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Crushed by Culture
I've been thinking a lot about including culture and society into preaching lately. I attended the Text and Context Resurgence Conference in Seattle earlier this year and the main focus was on contextualizing Biblical principals and keeping them culturally relevant today.
I think I was fixed on the idea of including culture so much that I didn't realize that all kids get is culture. They are surrounded by it and saturating sermons and preaching with it is only giving more and more of an arrogance to youth. As a young man, I felt like old books, literature, movies, songs, etc were outdated and irrelevant. Now, I have an appreciation for them. I realize the originality, authenticity, intellectual capacity, and beauty of the "classics." Where would we be without The Illiad or Romeo and Juliet in our high school English classes? So as I've mulled over this day after day, I think the major point is this...there is nothing wrong with contextualizing Scripture, but we cannot lose it's originality. We cannot view the Bible through such an arrogant and narrow scope that it becomes irrelevant at all. Hundreds of years ago the French philosopher Voltaire said that, "in 100 years the Bible and Christianity will have passed." Unfortunately for him, fortunately for believers, it has not...not even close, and it never will. There is a reason the Bible is the most popular book ever written, sold more copies than any book ever, and is surviving today stronger than ever. It is what it is because of what it is!!! Does that make sense? :D
So as I browse Barnes and Noble and Christian book stores, I get a little frustrated when I see the Women's Inspirational Bible, the Spirit Filled Life Bible, the Bible for new believers, etc etc. We are "idiotizing" (if I can borrow from Ravi Z. for a moment) our consumers. People are becoming lazier and lazier and pretty soon only a handful of people will be able to look into Scripture insightful-ly and it will be spoon fed to the lazy majority of us who think we "don't have the time" to really study the Word.
I don't mean to sound closed minded, because I think it is great to have tools. But if we spend our days outside of the true Word of God, and I mean the Bible in a real translation...not some paraphrase or tell me what to think kind of thing...we get into real trouble. That should be the source of our information. And friends, I'll say this, because of who wrote it (not only the diversity of the 40+ authors, but the fact that it is breathed by God Himself) the book will never be irrelevant. So let us take it at what it is and truly study it, wrestle with Scripture, don't be afraid to branch out with your own thoughts. But find yourself saturated in THE BIBLE please. I hope.
I think I was fixed on the idea of including culture so much that I didn't realize that all kids get is culture. They are surrounded by it and saturating sermons and preaching with it is only giving more and more of an arrogance to youth. As a young man, I felt like old books, literature, movies, songs, etc were outdated and irrelevant. Now, I have an appreciation for them. I realize the originality, authenticity, intellectual capacity, and beauty of the "classics." Where would we be without The Illiad or Romeo and Juliet in our high school English classes? So as I've mulled over this day after day, I think the major point is this...there is nothing wrong with contextualizing Scripture, but we cannot lose it's originality. We cannot view the Bible through such an arrogant and narrow scope that it becomes irrelevant at all. Hundreds of years ago the French philosopher Voltaire said that, "in 100 years the Bible and Christianity will have passed." Unfortunately for him, fortunately for believers, it has not...not even close, and it never will. There is a reason the Bible is the most popular book ever written, sold more copies than any book ever, and is surviving today stronger than ever. It is what it is because of what it is!!! Does that make sense? :D
So as I browse Barnes and Noble and Christian book stores, I get a little frustrated when I see the Women's Inspirational Bible, the Spirit Filled Life Bible, the Bible for new believers, etc etc. We are "idiotizing" (if I can borrow from Ravi Z. for a moment) our consumers. People are becoming lazier and lazier and pretty soon only a handful of people will be able to look into Scripture insightful-ly and it will be spoon fed to the lazy majority of us who think we "don't have the time" to really study the Word.
I don't mean to sound closed minded, because I think it is great to have tools. But if we spend our days outside of the true Word of God, and I mean the Bible in a real translation...not some paraphrase or tell me what to think kind of thing...we get into real trouble. That should be the source of our information. And friends, I'll say this, because of who wrote it (not only the diversity of the 40+ authors, but the fact that it is breathed by God Himself) the book will never be irrelevant. So let us take it at what it is and truly study it, wrestle with Scripture, don't be afraid to branch out with your own thoughts. But find yourself saturated in THE BIBLE please. I hope.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
The Resolutions of Jake Gamble (more to come)
As I read the Resolutions of Jonathan Edwards, I feel a fleeting inspiration to draft some resolutions of my own. Mostly original, a few borrowed, no better place to share than here I suppose.
Resolution 1: To write at least a single resolution a week from now until I am satisfied with my progress (being long winded, that could be well into the 100's. Also, this was the easy one, one and done?).
2: To redeem every moment of time from here until death. That moments spent in imagining, relaxing, and even sleep would conjure up thoughts of the glory and enormity of God.
3: To please the Lord Jesus Christ in every action, seeking never the accolades nor the affirmation of men. But living solely for the satisfaction and glory of the Father in Heaven.
4: To genuinely connect with and meet at least one new person daily, forever growing in my relationships and friendliness towards the souls of this world.
5: Learn something new daily. Whether as simple as a word or the most complex of tasks, continue drowning in knowledge until my breaths are quieted.
6: To treat people with the utmost reverence and respect as if they were created in the image of God.
7: To daily be a compass fixed on the cross of Jesus Christ so that all who cross my path would find themselves there.
8: The Word of God would be taken as sufficient and life breathing and to never live a day without meditating on it. That, like the Psalmist, I would be like a tree planted by streams of water; dwelling in Scripture every moment.
9: To fear nothing but damnation and the Lord. That His supreme rule and govern over my life would be strictly obeyed as if each moment brought the coming day of judgement. (June 4, 2007).
10: To seek not accreditation for myself, but to honor God by giving Him the glory and praise due His name for His grace in my life.
11: To fill each day with laughter. May I never be ashamed to laugh louder, sooner, and longer than the rest. Whether joyous or sad let my presence be saturated by laughter.
12: Devote my entire life to unveiling the weight and the glory of Scripture.
13. To preach the gospel of Jesus Christ to the best of my knowledge and in the hopes of a miracle of God occurring in the hearts of listeners.
14: To never doubt the grace and acceptance of Christ in the lives of sinners so as to not make any single person feel unwelcome in the presence of God.
15: Never be satisfied. Contentment comes to the proverbial sluggard so continue to strive for the glory of God while alive on this earth.
16: To never fail to be myself. Realizing that God created me in His image and formed me for a very specific purpose, that my own self-actualizations and additions to this life are as much needed as those of people I look up to and admire.
18: To forgive others as Christ as forgiven me. Not holding on to grudges and bitterness but resenting the urge to be human.
19: To abhor sin in all fashions.
20: To conquer the blackness of my heart and completely destroy the lust that controlled me for years.
21: Whenever I falter in sin, to trace back to the root of my failure and temptation completely and snuff it out.
Resolution 1: To write at least a single resolution a week from now until I am satisfied with my progress (being long winded, that could be well into the 100's. Also, this was the easy one, one and done?).
2: To redeem every moment of time from here until death. That moments spent in imagining, relaxing, and even sleep would conjure up thoughts of the glory and enormity of God.
3: To please the Lord Jesus Christ in every action, seeking never the accolades nor the affirmation of men. But living solely for the satisfaction and glory of the Father in Heaven.
4: To genuinely connect with and meet at least one new person daily, forever growing in my relationships and friendliness towards the souls of this world.
5: Learn something new daily. Whether as simple as a word or the most complex of tasks, continue drowning in knowledge until my breaths are quieted.
6: To treat people with the utmost reverence and respect as if they were created in the image of God.
7: To daily be a compass fixed on the cross of Jesus Christ so that all who cross my path would find themselves there.
8: The Word of God would be taken as sufficient and life breathing and to never live a day without meditating on it. That, like the Psalmist, I would be like a tree planted by streams of water; dwelling in Scripture every moment.
9: To fear nothing but damnation and the Lord. That His supreme rule and govern over my life would be strictly obeyed as if each moment brought the coming day of judgement. (June 4, 2007).
10: To seek not accreditation for myself, but to honor God by giving Him the glory and praise due His name for His grace in my life.
11: To fill each day with laughter. May I never be ashamed to laugh louder, sooner, and longer than the rest. Whether joyous or sad let my presence be saturated by laughter.
12: Devote my entire life to unveiling the weight and the glory of Scripture.
13. To preach the gospel of Jesus Christ to the best of my knowledge and in the hopes of a miracle of God occurring in the hearts of listeners.
14: To never doubt the grace and acceptance of Christ in the lives of sinners so as to not make any single person feel unwelcome in the presence of God.
15: Never be satisfied. Contentment comes to the proverbial sluggard so continue to strive for the glory of God while alive on this earth.
16: To never fail to be myself. Realizing that God created me in His image and formed me for a very specific purpose, that my own self-actualizations and additions to this life are as much needed as those of people I look up to and admire.
18: To forgive others as Christ as forgiven me. Not holding on to grudges and bitterness but resenting the urge to be human.
19: To abhor sin in all fashions.
20: To conquer the blackness of my heart and completely destroy the lust that controlled me for years.
21: Whenever I falter in sin, to trace back to the root of my failure and temptation completely and snuff it out.
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