My Manifesto

It is currently 1:18 AM. I am on a computer I don't usually write on, all the lights are dim in my apartment, my parents are sleeping in my bed, and I am savagely awake. My eyes are tired but my mind will not stop racing. If you've ever seen Jerry McGuire, this is the equivalent to the opening scene where he writes his hopes and dreams for being an agent. He writes and writes through the night and in the morning receives a standing ovation, only to be fired days later. I feel for Jerry in this place- while my thoughts may not be completely coherent the words are like fire in my bones. As I writhed in hopeless effort to sleep I knew ultimately that this would be the outcome- to blurt. And once I've blurted to hope for clarity, and if clarity comes then trust that some good was done. So here is my attempt, be gracious, this screen is much brighter than I remembered.

If you don't know my current situation I will inform you briefly. As of 1 month ago I was employed by Student Painters and planning on leaving for Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary on August 15th. I was nervous, excited, and a little bit of whatever else a young man should feel when moving across the country far from home trying to survive on his own. I say all this in the past tense because around 3.5 weeks ago the youth pastor at Evergreen Christian Community offered me a job as an Associate Pastor. After much prayer and consulting the men in my life I consider mentors I decided to take the job and stay in Olympia. Part of me experienced remorse that I am not going to Boston. I was excited about continuing my education, I was excited about a brand new culture, I was excited about starting a completely new portion of my life in a new place with new people and new challenges. But after 2 weeks of working at this church I know this for certain- I made the right decision. Even if Andrew/Dennis/Dale were to fire me tomorrow it would have been the right decision. Given the opportunity to work at such an amazing church has been great, yes, but it is not my deciding factor. Looking at these last 14 days has opened my eyes to 2 things:

1) The one thing that will bring unimaginable joy in my life vocationally for the rest of my days is doing ministry with friends.
2) When the time comes to look back on my life (if it ever does) the ONLY thing I will care to say is that I helped people.

Doing ministry with friends has to be the greatest job ever. I am surrounded by men who love the Lord, and while this may not be the position I want to die in, it has made me completely aware of the fact that there is nothing better for me in this life. I want to preach the gospel surrounded by men who care deeply for Jesus and for each other so much so that they are willing to speak the truth to one another in love. They are willing to shed light on each other's sins in order to move closer to Christ. They are willing to share struggles with one another, and covenant together to move past sin. And they will do everything in their power to ensure that the world sees/hears/feels/smells/tastes Christ more from their lives.

I can't imagine, as my dear friend William Wallace puts it, that lying in my bed many years from now, looking back and wanting to trade all the days from this day to that (death) for one chance, just one chance to come back to this place and help someone see Jesus. I cannot imagine approaching death and seeing the sum total of my life being cars and money and real estate. I cannot fathom the depths of despair that my soul would breech if I were forced to look upon my life knowing that I had wasted it.

In the end I do not know much, but I know this- the reason I am left on this earth as a Christian is to help people. That is why I want to be a pastor. That is why I want to press onward. I know that there are people out there who need help and I have been granted the days to share with them the majestic doctrine that can save them- a doctrine that says only, "believe and be saved." I do not believe I am special. It is not my words or abilities or voice that will save them, but the very words of God spoken through me. And my hope is that He will do that for anyone who will listen because I just want to help. More than anything I long for people to see how sweet the face of the risen Christ is. Oh that many would come to see his sufficiency knowing that his love is better than ANYTHING this world has to offer.

That is my destiny. I will enjoy my labor for all my days knowing that if even one person will know Christ deeply because of my life than I have done him/her good service in helping reveal ultimate, infinite joy for all eternity.