I am currently sitting in a recliner 6 days following a simple nasal surgery. Those six days have been spent flat on my back, eyes watering, and head feeling like it may explode. Now is no different, maybe even the worst it has been for some time. I would be optimistic, were it not for the ominous information that tomorrow I will be at a research hospital in Seattle awaiting a treatment for the small (non-cancerous) mass they found in my nose during surgery. That process will take a few more days, a few more pills, and of course a few more dollars.
I say all that not in hopes that many will look at me and feel pity. This situation is far easier than that of so many in the world, and my plight is an easy sentence for those fighting cancer or losing loved ones. However, since my life has not been characterized by suffering, this has been difficult for me. I have been withheld from activities, people, and things that I do love. I feel as if I can't carry on a coherent conversation. I can hardly read my Bible because staring at the page hurts my head! But in all this I have found sweet comfort in one thing- that my God is sovereign.
Given the thought that this were "from Satan," or "not of God," I think my temperament would be most gloomy. I would sit and think of ways that I could get better, or earn enough of God's favor and grace to get healed. But on the other side of that fence- the one where my soul rests- there are green pastures, still waters, and a rod and staff that may strike with pain at times, but will never fail to steer me away from eminent danger. I have great confidence that this whole ordeal was ordained by God for His glory and for my joy. At this point, I don't know how that will arrive. I do find some joy in trying to figure out that mystery, but I have never had a doubt that my God is here, and he is better than pain. There is an enormous difference in believing in THE Sovereign God, and believing in a god. My God is sovereign, and "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me."
Thank you Lord, this is not easy but I trust that it is right. Help me to deal with it in a way that reflects your Glory.
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2 comments:
I'll be praying for you for a safe and speedy recovery! I hope that they will have good news for you and that all that they have found so far is all they will find. I'm sorry I've never been very eloquent but I hope you know my thoughts and prayers are with you! God Bless!
My friend,
I am genuinely sad that these past few days I have not been able to see you or talk to you seeing how tomorrow is goodbye for me. But to read this and to know that God is both willing and working in you for His good pleasure is far greater than a formal goodbye hug (although we both hate those!). I am taken back by your words as a see a friend and fellow brother not only speak of and teach of the Sovereign God but lean on and trust in Him in difficult circumstances. I am privileged to know such a man and to see God's grace in your life as this happens and his grace in mine as I learn from your example. I am glad this is NOT goodbye forever! But for now I want you to know that your friendship is dear to me and I cannot wait to see how God continues to intermingle our lives together for His Glory!
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