The Reflection's Not so Kind

I remember as a kid I would dress up in my dad's cowboy boots, wear boxers, a t-shirt, tie a towel around my neck as a substitute cape, and wear a mask around my eyes. This made me Batman. I say this not to reveal my secret identity, although I am the caped crusader, I say it because there are times I miss those days. I miss being able to look in the mirror and see what I wanted to see. I wasn't phased by my 2'3" frame, I wasn't phased by my sun-bleached bowl cut, and my freckles didn't disqualify me from destroying bad guys. I would put those boots on and I was Batman, it was the equivalent to stepping into a different universe.

There are often times when I look into the mirror today and I see that same little boy. Not Batman, but the little boy who was scared of spiders, scared of being alone, and facing constant doubts. I see that little boy today in different things (although spiders are still all too dangerous). Today I look in the mirror and glaring insufficiency meets my eye line. Doubts about my calling, doubts about my qualifications, and doubts about my faith peak at seemingly audible levels...and I'm forced to turn away. I don't like that man. I don't like the one in the mirror, the man who has issues and problems and fears and difficulties. I can't look at him too long before his soul is exposed and I am overcome with grief for all of my shortcomings. He's not supposed to be a pastor...he's not supposed to be pure...he's not supposed to preach...how could he when he is worse off than the people he's preaching to? Terrifying.

And yet, I still have a mirror. It rests humbly in the bathroom above the sink. I consult it daily to assure that I'm presentable and ready for life. There are moments when I see that man in the mirror, but I am called back to words like these-

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful." Col. 3:12-15

"Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. 2 Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit." Psalm 32:1-2

Oh how I rejoice that the man in the mirror is one who is forgiven! A man who the Bible calls blessed, supremely happy, praised because my sin is gone! I can look in that mirror and know that my insufficiency does not play the loudest tune...but like the boy that once pushed back darkness as Batman, I can push back darkness as one saved by God! I can look in the mirror and not see a broken soul, but one knitted back together by the very hands of Christ. I can view myself, not in light of my failure, but in full view of God's glorious success! I can stand, look into the mirror, and see a boy dressed in a man's clothes. I can see a boy who has put on a bathrobe far too large, and it covers up all that is wrong with him. I can put on the righteousness of Christ and know that I am completely covered, even my wickedness, that same boy with all the issues...He can be covered by the righteousness of Christ. That is blessed! I am blessed to know Him.