Jonah

I read two books of the Bible today. Before I finish bragging they were Jonah and Obadiah, so not that impressive. :D But anyways, I read the book of Jonah and something in it hit me for the first time. I always though Jonah ran because he was scared, chicken, yeller...and because he didn't want to go into a pagan city and proclaim God's wrath. In Chapter 4 he actually confesses his reason for running..."Oh Lord, is this not what I said when I was at home? That is why I was so quick to flee Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. Now, O Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live."

What a strange answer. I didn't wanna come because I knew I'd come here, tell them you'd destroy them, they'd get scared and act right before they got smacked right, and then you'd show compassion on them. Weirdness...why's Jonah so dumb?

I think we are this more than we care to admit. We want to see people get what they deserve. I know I do, even when I'm driving if someone flies past me (which is infrequent cause I'm the king of the road {Contrary to what nelly says}) I think to myself, how great would it be to see them get pulled over about a mile up? We like to see people get what they deserve, and yet we never want to get what we've earned.

Hypocrite? I know I am. (That may be my knew slogan)

There is no title to this blog...dang it...

It's late. My fan is humming in the background. I've been tossing and turning in silence for a few hours. Laughter is less appealing now than it's ever been. Everything hurts. I'm worried about the future...what does it hold? Where will I go? Who will I know? And more importantly, who will know me? Does anyone even know me now? It doesn't seem like it...sometimes I surprise myself.

I think sometimes God speaks through our hearts and we stumble into something/some place that we never intended to be. Every once in awhile that's greatness...other times it's simply a great thought. In my moments of surrender my mouth moves and things come out that I didn't know were there. God explaining Himself to me? Probably not...discovering reason and purpose for something I've been drawn to? Could be. Maybe I'm simply hysterical and hallucinating a reality that never really existed. Maybe I've created this alternate universe to dwell in simply because the harsh world I really exist in has beat me to a bloody pulp. Or just maybe God is slowly revealing His plan to my super slow mind and tonight two pieces of the puzzle fit together. But it didn't look like I thought it would. Stupid puzzle. I didn't choose it, it chose me. So now what, puzzle? What do I do now when it seems my rope is ending? Wait.

I will wait.