Found Lacking

The Moon

2011-04-18T17:15:00.001-07:00

Light floods the roadway

Like stars dancing naked on the beach

I am jealous for its shine

Inconstant clouds protrude into the warming rays of darkness

Dark and light they move quietly into view

They mustn’t leave us alone

For the radiance would be too brilliant to withstand

Circling like sharks

Vapors obstruct our intimacy

What are they thinking, these clouds?

They have never known love

Perhaps they are desperate for attention

I shan’t give them a thing for this effort

My soul desire is for you, my moon

Bid them flee, until we are alone.

It is mostly the dark ones who have overcome us

Blotting out your light from my ocean eyes

Clear clouds know their place

They accent your beauty

Framing in the grains of sand shaping your face

Shall we run from them?

They are but a mist, and will surely pass.

You and I must live forever

Like tangled souls, my moon.

A Right to Be Angry- The Rob Bell Problem

2011-02-27T21:42:00.001-08:00

If there were a FAQ section of Christianity, it would be filled with things like:
If God is good and real, how can there be pain and suffering in the world?
How did Satan fall?
And, if God is loving, how can he send people to hell?

This blog is in response to the last question, because, according to Scripture, God has every right to be angry. I am writing because the wrath of God has come under attack from emergent churches, but this is to be expected as Paul certainly encountered such problems.

First, we must understand that God is indeed loving, but that is not the sole characteristic by which we know Him. Nor is it the entire focus of the Bible. God is loving, just, compassionate, humble, glorious, and many other things. All of these combine to say that God is perfect, or Holy. The Hebrew definition of "holy" is set-apart, different, flawless, perfectly righteous. So all of God's characteristics in sum show us how different he is than us, how holy he is. And if one of those attributes were missing then he would not be holy, he would not be perfect, and thus would not be God. Let us say, for instance, that God was not perfectly loving, but loved with flaws. His love would be incomplete, and thus he would be incomplete, and he would not be God, certainly not a God worth worshiping. The same is true for his justice. If God is not perfectly just, then he is not holy, and he is not therefore God, and is not worth worshiping. By all this it is essential that we see God as just. He must be perfectly just.

Second, we must define what it means to be just. By human standards, just means to be guided by truth, reason, fairness, and justice. By God's standards, he must be perfectly guided by truth, reason, fairness, and justice. In order for God to be just, he must be perfectly these things. Most people would not debate up to this point, but here is where people start to turn away because it is a difficult truth.

The third conclusion we must reach in order to understand this is that human beings are sinful. We are completely and totally depraved. After the fall of man in Genesis 3, human beings have been 100% evil. Romans 3 states that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Every person in history (except for Jesus) has fallen short of what God intended for our lives (namely, to worship Him- think garden of Eden). Scripture also says that the payment for this sin is death (Romans 6:23). So every person who has ever sinned (which is all of us), will pay the payment of death. And not just any death, but death separate from God. Death in itself is no punishment/payment at all, for it simply means not existing. There is no pain or consequence while not existing, it is simply nothingness. The punishment for our sin is death, and in order for God to be just he must punish wrongdoing with death, namely a death apart from Him.

Paul says in Ephesians 2 that we are by nature children of wrath. IT IS OUR NATURE. I'm not sure how it could be worded more clearly than that. God must hate sin. If he is holy, if he is God, if he is perfect, he must hate sin with an infinite amount of passion, and he MUST punish it. If God did not punish sin, he would not be good!

God had every right to be angry at me. He had every right to destroy me, to kill me, to separate me from himself forever because of my sin. But, and that is a beautiful but, God being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us...made us alive together with Christ (Ephesians 2:4-5). How were we made alive? With Christ. How is a person saved from the wrath of God? Through Jesus. God's great provision was to send his Son to bear my punishment. This was the only solution. In order for me to be made righteous and for God to remain holy, his wrath had to be poured out on sin, and he CHOSE to do that on his Son.

Oh that we could see and fear that divine omnipotent wrath and know what it was we were saved from! This is what makes the Gospel so precious. Without it then we have a compassionate and unjust God letting sinners go freely with a great amount of wrath built up towards sin, and the cross has saved us from nothing.

Scripture is clear that in order for a person to be saved they must believe in their heart and confess with their mouth that Jesus is Lord (master) of their life, and that God raised Him from the dead. That is the only essential belief. And if this is not required, Scripture is wrong.

In a recent video, seen below, Rob Bell raises the question of how a loving God could send people to hell. This video has already caused quite a stir in the evangelical world, and the camp seems to be divided. Many who have been impacted by Bell's intellectualism and thought provoking ministry are calling judgments "premature and unfair." Others are frustrated that Bell is getting further and further from Biblical Christianity. While Bell may be a "contrarian" and uncannily good at "asking innocent questions" so as to remain guiltless in all this, it seems his new book has crossed into universalism. The publisher's review of the book has this in the preview: "Bell addresses one of the most controversial issues of faith—the afterlife—arguing that a loving God would never sentence human souls to eternal suffering." Some are saying judgment is premature, and others are saying that Bell is simply asking questions. But if the publisher is saying that Bell is making this argument, either Bell has departed from Biblical Christianity or the people who pay to have his books sold don't even understand what he is writing. The real problem- Bell is a pastor. It is his job to shepherd the sheep, to answer questions, and to help people trust the Bible. He seems to generate distrust, controversy, and strife all for the sake of publicity for himself and his writings. This is not the call of a pastor or a Christian, and I pray that Bell would repent and head back to Biblical based faith.

God does not need me to run to his defense, and this is certainly not me wishing to stir up dissent within the church. But believers cannot be misled by false teachers. I will pray for Rob Bell, and hope that this is simply a publicity stunt. But a lesson is to be learned here- Theology should be based off of the Bible, not feelings or relevancy- simply the Word of God. And strong Theology is essential if we are to keep from forming our God into the image of ourselves.

Bell may have a hard time seeing God with wrath because loving human beings are often pictured as never being angry. But God is not human, he is Holy, which means he is very different than every one of us. It is essential that we understand God's wrath towards human beings poured out on his Son Jesus to free us from that wrath in order to truly understand the weight of the Gospel. Without God's wrath, the cross was meaningless.

Winter Camp Day 3 Update

2011-02-21T01:24:00.002-08:00

It's the final night of a 4 day pursuit of God. The last day at camp held quite a few surprises. We started the day off with breakout sessions once more. Today we had guys and girls breakouts in separate areas, and had a panel of youth leaders answer questions. One panel of all ladies fielded any questions the girls could think to ask, and the guys did the same thing on the other side of campus (we figured the distance would be appropriate). The questions are written down on small paper clippings and dropped in a box, so they are anonymous, which allows the students to ask things they may have been afraid to ask before.

The afternoon was home to the historic FOS Final Day Relay! As always, it ended with a 6 person pyramid, and you can see some of the results in the photos. After a large chunk of free time (that was consumed with a trip to white pass for some sledding), we all headed into service. I preached a first person narrative sermon in the perspective of the Apostle Paul during the stoning of Stephen and his persecution of the church that ensued. The point was that Jesus forgave Paul, and that example was shown to us so we could be absolutely certain that he could forgive us too (1 Timothy 1:15-17). The big theme of the night was confession. We are encouraging our young men and women to be completely honest and trust that FOS is a safe place to be transparent. The phrase I often use is "it's ok to not be ok." Tonight honed in on that, and the response was incredible. God has been so good to us on this mountain. A lack of snow, tired bodies, and selfish, sinful souls are not enough to stop God from doing something profound. I have been blessed to see these students respond the way they have.

Enjoy the pictures, and I believe I will be signing off for now at about 1:30! Check out fosmissions.blogspot.com and/or takethegamble.blogspot.com (sorry for the misinformation yesterday, must be the sleep depravation program!).

For the Glory of God,
Jake

Junior High Guys' Pyramid

Junior High Girls

High School Girls

High School Guys

High School Guys- The 2011 Relay Champions

Some Sunday Night Photos From Our Worship Service

FOS Winter Camp Day 2

2011-02-20T00:28:00.000-08:00

Hello Again,
It is almost midnight here at Ghormley Meadows, and we have some excited kids. We started off the morning with devotions. Each student received a notebook that includes a camp schedule, space for notes, and devotions. It would be extremely cool for the kids to come home to parents asking about the notebooks! They will keep them with them until the trip home, and you could walk through some of their notes, and even the morning devotions they did while at camp. After devotions we hit breakfast, and then had individual devotion time (that means the kids read their BIbles on their own, rather than as a cabin). The pictures you see of groups in cabins are of our breakout sessions. We had 4 total:
1) Ally Fleming- "There's Something About Mary"- Ally is a great youth staffer, and her breakout session was for young women trying to figure out how to be a godly woman in today's world. It was an in depth look at the life and character of Mary, the mother of Jesus. Most of our girls sat through this at least once, and it would be worthwhile to ask what they learned from this one!
2) Nate Wauzynski- "When Push Comes to Love"- Nate is a former youth pastor from Yakima, and has come to FOS with an awesome energy and heart to serve. He has preached a few times, and taught this breakout session on loving people who are "unlovable." He did a great job exposing the Biblical truth that if we don't love these, then no one will. It is our responsibility to love people that are difficult to love. Another great session!
3) Rachael Brown- "Worship Through Music"- Rachael spoke to a few smaller groups (mostly musicians) about the true heart of musical worship. She did a phenomenal job bringing to light the Biblical inspiration of most music, and reminding us that all of our worship should be "Scripture-centric." Every student and leader I saw coming out of this one was processing deep truth.
4) Chase Salyers- "What is He Worth?"- Chase's breakout session was on taking risks for the gospel. Chase just moved to Washington from Ohio to finish school, and is a man of the Word. He did a great job stirring up the hearts of these young men and women to go and share the gospel all over the world.

After our breakout sessions, we had lunch and a bit of a break. At 1 pm we started our game sessions. The most popular of which is likely the infamous "grinder." You'll see pictures that invoke the competitive spirit. The structured games lasted for two hours, and at 3:30 pm the students have free time until dinner. At 6:15 pm we start pre-service prayer, and then head into our service. Tonight I spoke on "Joyful Submission." The big idea was as follows: Having a high view of Jesus allows us to serve Him joyfully. The point of the message was that if we are having a difficult time serving God, and it feels like begrudging submission to a far off God, we have lost sight of our great Savior. I listed ten attributes of Jesus from Scripture: 1) Selfless (Phil. 2:6), 2) Humble (Phil. 2:7-8), 3) Compassionate (Matt. 9:36), 4) Loving (John 15:13), 5) Courageous (Matt. 26), 6) Powerful (Matt. 9:53), 7) Gracious (Luke 23:34), 8) Sympathetic (Hebrews 4:15), 9) Just (Gen. 18:25), 10) Righteous (1 Peter 2:22). In light of all these things, we should be excited to be on Jesus' team.

I hope these emails are finding you well! We have some bumps and bruises, and some sleepy faces, but God is moving in the hearts of our young men and women, and lives are being changed for eternity on this mountain. God is good.

You can see these emails in blog form with picture captions at fosmissions.blogspot.com and foundlacking.blogspot.com

For the Glory of God,
Jake Gamble

Chase's Breakout Session- "What is He Worth"

Nate's Breakout- "When Push Comes to Love"

Rachael's breakout- "Worship Through Song"

Ally's Breakout- "There's something about Mary"

Spruce Cabin's Breakfast

Worship After The Message

"The Name Game" - (Hilarious!)

Our 6'6" 240 pound Youth Staff Man-beast vs. 4 Junior High Girls (The Girls Won!)

Jared Dziadosz Working on a Fingerblaster

Fos Winter Camp- Parents Email Day 1

2011-02-19T01:04:00.001-08:00

First, I wanted to say thank you to all of you who are getting this email. Your interest in the lives of these Young Men and Women will spur them on to good works, to fight the good fight of faith, and to run the race with perseverance. Second, I wanted to share with you some of the things that happened today. The first day of camp is always overwhelming. Whatever can go wrong will, and things that shouldn't find a way to add to the fun. We started the day late, because of me losing my keys 2 minutes prior to departure. That means I could not bring my laptop, sermon slides, or any service orders. We were also missing a few pieces for the band, and one of the buses took the "scenic route" arriving 45 minutes later than the rest of the group. But we were determined to make it all work.

The students and leaders sat down at dinner together (I didn't get to go or I would have pictures), and then headed down for service. I spoke on Genesis 25, "A Heart For Sale." It was the story of Esau selling his birthright for a bowl of stew, and the human predisposition to settle for less than what God has called us to. The kids responded well, and you can view some of the attached photos. We also have two guest musicians from Massachusetts providing the music, and are doing a great job. Every one is now in bed and hopefully (but not likely) enjoying a good night's sleep before a full day tomorrow.

Thank you for your interest in the lives of these young men and women. The vision I have for ECC's unified church is brought to light in this verse in 1 Thessalonians: "So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us." I pray that this is the heart God is working through the generations at ECC, that the Gospel has stirred your hearts and mine to not only share the gospel, but also our lives, because our love for one another is so dear.

You can also read this email at FOS' missions blog linked below, and my blog. Thanks again,

For the Glory of God,
Jake Gamble

P.S.- Sorry the pictures are a little blurry- I'm working on it.

Some of the guys in "Cougar" hanging out for small group.

Isaiah 6

2010-12-06T22:01:00.001-08:00

My eyes searched frantically for something familiar

They found nowhere to rest.

My gaze was stolen by the man and His throne

Captivated by His presence my spirit lifted him higher

And he ascended in my praise.

The winged beasts circled Him ominously,

Covering their eyes in fear of His beauty

They spoke nothing but I could hear their cries

They called him holy, perfectly holy,

And my heart screamed in agreement

His glory overflowed my heart and I was afraid.

The muscles in my legs pinged with adrenaline

Ready to give out from shock

I said it, no I shouted it, from the depths of my

Visceral being it came- “Woe is me! I am a man

Of unclean lips...for my eyes have seen the King,

The Lord of Hosts.” The room shifted at my feet

They must have heard me. The world must have

Heard me shout. One of the stunning creatures

Majestically swooped up a fiery stone and pressed

It hard to my lips. The freeing agony I felt

Electrified my stony heart, and I leapt.

I heard his whisper, “Behold, this has touched

Your lips, your guilt is taken away, and your sin

Atoned for.” It was gone. The winged beasts

Disappeared and all I saw was my roof.

It was real.

Meditations on Ephesians 5 Part II

2010-10-24T23:30:00.000-07:00

Thought 2 From My Readings of Ephesians 5:22-33

The motivation of Jesus in laying down his life for the church was that "he might sanctify her...so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." Christ died for the church so that she would be sinless and blameless before Him at the day of Christ. How would this reward Christ? If you recall in chapter 1 verse 18 Paul writes, "that you may know...the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints." Christ is preparing His heavenly inheritance. It is of indescribable importance that He die for the church because:
1) If He doesn't die for Her, she will not be with Him. Without the death of Christ, the church will not enter into eternity. The Groom will be "brideless" on that day. She cannot be righteous without the blood of the Groom. So in order for the bride to join Him she must be made clean, and the only way she can be made clean is through the Groom's laying down of His life.
2) She is His body. She is a part of Him. When He came for Her the two became one flesh (v. 31-32). If Christ did not die for her then He would have separated Himself from Himself, which we know to be impossible.

For earthly husbands, this means you are called to give up your self in order to bring your bride to yourself. If you are to be joined with her properly, she must be led the right way. If a husband is not leading in his home, his WIFE will be guilty! That is an incredible thought to me, and may bring about some reactions that are unfriendly (go ahead and send some hate mail), but as one flesh his obedience makes her sanctified.

It is important to realize this means two very important things. First, how important is it that husbands follow this instruction? If you don't, your wives will be found guilty of your sin! Second, wives should realize the importance of marrying a man who will fulfill this responsibility. Marry a leader, not a coward! Do not marry a man you can direct and manipulate. Marry a man who will die to himself for you in order to present you to himself, pure and blameless, spotless and beautiful, holy and righteous.
Sovereign Father, Your Word instructs us to do this. Give men the strength to not back down from this challenge, and do so for the sake of Your great Name. Make the marriages of Christian men and women a reflection of Your Son and His Bride, one that glorifies your greatness! In the Name of Jesus I ask these things, Amen.

Meditations on Ephesians 5

2010-10-14T09:46:00.001-07:00

Over the next few days I am hoping to post some solid thoughts I am having on Ephesians 5:22-33.

Thought 1:
The way a husband should love his wife is the way Christ loved the church. This is a profound truth that is so often misplaced. Many preachers will say the phrase "gave himself up for her" means that he died for her, which is true, but it is so much more than that. The words "gave up" are "paredoken" in Greek. The semantic range of this word means:
1) give over from one's hand to someone or something
2) of authoritative commitment of something to someone
3) of a sacrificial love
4) as a legal technical term for passing someone along in the judicial
process- an unjustified act of handing someone over to judicial authorities

We can choose one of these working definitions, but I believe under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit Paul meant every one of them. Christ gave HimSELF up. He gave up SELF for the sake of the church, his bride. Human beings operate in the vein of "I will do whatever brings me the most amount of pleasure and the least amount of pain." It is built into us to do such a thing, and there is very little to drive us from that thought process. But for Christ, He was driven from that thought process. He abandoned heaven and equality with God, not counting it something to be grasped, made Himself a servant and took the form of nothing, and humbled Himself to death, even death on a cross. Remember- this is GOD we are talking about. The deity of Christ cannot be forgotten. If we lose the fullness of His deity we lose the fullness of His sacrifice and thus the cross does not have the same effect- namely, to draw us to it in awestruck worship.

Ultimately, the example we meet of how Christ loved the church is a brief one- He betrayed (this is the literal meaning) His SELF and handed His SELF over to her. This was all done with full knowledge (for Jesus is God and all knowing) that His bride would deny Him and shame Him for centuries until He returns. That she would turn and run at times, and do horrific things in His name. In full knowledge of this He died to Himself, and He took responsibility for His bride.

This self-sacrificing love comes from a heart that loves it's object more than itself. I cannot imagine how difficult it is for a husband to love his wife with full knowledge that she will not love him back, or submit to him as she's supposed to, or deny him to his face. I cannot imagine the pain a husband would experience when his bride finds comfort in another man. But Scripture is clear on this- it is His job to die to Himself and love His wife, no matter how she is acting. He must give up His SELF and love her. Husbands, respond to this call. Follow the example of our precious Savior! Seek His strength in being able to love your wives as you must, die to yourself for them at every moment!

Next Post- Why should we, and why would He?

Spurgeon On Daniel and Prayer

2010-09-28T10:26:00.000-07:00

"It is no small token of God's love to a man, if the man lives in the spirit of prayer, if he delights himself in prayer, and if year after year prayer has not become a monotony to him, if it is real to him, yea, and if he so much hungers after more of it that he devotes lengthened seasons to its more intense exercise. If God privileges him to become mighty in prayer, then is he a man greatly beloved. Power in prayer is one of the most divine of the Lord's gracious gifts...Whenever I look upon a man who is powerful in prayer, who by supplication brings down blessings on his own family, and the church and his neighborhood, I know that there is to be found a man who is indeed greatly beloved." CH Spurgeon

This is taken from a sermon on Daniel 10:19. Make us people who do not find prayer monotonous or dull. Let us hunger after more prayer.

Ephesians 1:15-23

2010-09-07T09:05:00.000-07:00

Paul's prayer for the Ephesians in this passage struck me as incredibly beautiful this morning. His prayer isn't that their lives would be easy, they would be rich, but that God would reveal Himself to them fully and completely in three ways (having the eyes of their hearts enlightened in these three ways:

1) "That you may know what is the hope to which He has called you..."- That is, namely, that the Christians in Ephesus may have an understanding of what it means to be a Christian, what the desires of our heart truly are. It is possible to be so mixed up in this life as a Christian that we hope in the wrong things. But Paul's prayer for the Ephesians is that their hope would be in the right thing, through revelation and wisdom from God they would know the Hope God has called them to- hope in Jesus Christ, hope in the future resurrection from the dead. Hope in this, for it will not fail. "Whom have I in heaven but you? There is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. Though my heart and my flesh may fail, God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:25-26

2)"That you may know...what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints..."- Know, Ephesians, that the people of God will be gathered together in eternity and this is the inheritance of God. Not only this, but Paul calls it a rich and glorious inheritance! God is looking forward to eternity with the saints in Jesus Christ and will enjoy the praises of His people for all time. It is no fluke that God has saved you, nor has He saved you without purpose. God has saved us for Himself, "In love He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ..." (Ephesians 1:4-5). God will wake the dead for Himself, to His glory, and it will be our pleasure and His to praise Him for all of eternity!

3) That you may know...what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe..." If you continue reading, you will see that the power this speaks of is the power that raised Christ from the dead. This greatly powerful display, put on by God, showed that there is no authority greater than Him! The very worst that this world could do to man, to take away His life, was not enough to overcome the power of the Father! He is "above all rule and authority and power and dominion..." (Ephesians 1:21). There is nothing greater than God, and He shows us this greatness in that the same power that raised Christ from the dead is working amongst all who believe in His name!

Oh how I pray this for the church today! God make it so, do this among your people. Enlighten the eyes of our heart so that we may see You, Father.

In the Middle

2010-08-15T11:46:00.000-07:00

I am currently sitting in a recliner 6 days following a simple nasal surgery. Those six days have been spent flat on my back, eyes watering, and head feeling like it may explode. Now is no different, maybe even the worst it has been for some time. I would be optimistic, were it not for the ominous information that tomorrow I will be at a research hospital in Seattle awaiting a treatment for the small (non-cancerous) mass they found in my nose during surgery. That process will take a few more days, a few more pills, and of course a few more dollars.

I say all that not in hopes that many will look at me and feel pity. This situation is far easier than that of so many in the world, and my plight is an easy sentence for those fighting cancer or losing loved ones. However, since my life has not been characterized by suffering, this has been difficult for me. I have been withheld from activities, people, and things that I do love. I feel as if I can't carry on a coherent conversation. I can hardly read my Bible because staring at the page hurts my head! But in all this I have found sweet comfort in one thing- that my God is sovereign.

Given the thought that this were "from Satan," or "not of God," I think my temperament would be most gloomy. I would sit and think of ways that I could get better, or earn enough of God's favor and grace to get healed. But on the other side of that fence- the one where my soul rests- there are green pastures, still waters, and a rod and staff that may strike with pain at times, but will never fail to steer me away from eminent danger. I have great confidence that this whole ordeal was ordained by God for His glory and for my joy. At this point, I don't know how that will arrive. I do find some joy in trying to figure out that mystery, but I have never had a doubt that my God is here, and he is better than pain. There is an enormous difference in believing in THE Sovereign God, and believing in a god. My God is sovereign, and "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me."

Thank you Lord, this is not easy but I trust that it is right. Help me to deal with it in a way that reflects your Glory.

Thank the Lord

2010-06-30T11:51:00.000-07:00

In my reading today I came across this passage in the book of Judges. If you've never read it before, Judges is a fairly accurate summary of most of our lives. The people of Israel "did what was evil in the sight of the Lord" over and over again. They would serve other gods, not follow his commandments, and for the most part dishonor God in every way. Very few were faithful in this time, and at the end of it they would be in trouble. They typically ended up in oppression to people like the Philistines or the Midianites, and once they were miserable enough they would repent and call out to God. This text grabbed my heart today as I read it, thanking Him that this was never His response to me:

"And the people of Israel cried out to the Lord, saying, “We have sinned against you, because we have forsaken our God and have served the Baals.” 11 And the Lord said to the people of Israel, “Did I not save you from the Egyptians and from the Amorites, from the Ammonites and from the Philistines? 12 The Sidonians also, and the Amalekites and the Maonites oppressed you, and you cried out to me, and I saved you out of their hand. 13 Yet you have forsaken me and served other gods; therefore I will save you no more. 14 Go and cry out to the gods whom you have chosen; let them save you in the time of your distress.” 15 And the people of Israel said to the Lord, “We have sinned; do to us whatever seems good to you. Only please deliver us this day.” 16 So they put away the foreign gods from among them and served the Lord, and he became impatient over the misery of Israel."

I don't feel that different from the Israelites in Judges. God will often take action in convincing fashion all around me. I see lives changed at a camp, people healed, addictions cured, and hope rekindled quite often. Just like the Israelites saw deliverance from oppressors and slavery, miracles, punishment for sin, and the Red Sea parted in front of them. Most of the time we can objectify ourselves from stories, thinking, "How could they forget that easily? If I had seen what they had seen, I would never forget!" I think it almost every day. But the reality is, we would/do forget. I can't imagine if those same Israelites were alive today, would they be looking at us thinking, "How could they forget? If I had seen Jesus die on the cross like they have seen, I would never forget!"

We tend to romanticize everything but the present, and the present says this- "You have seen. You know the truth. You have heard about this Jesus. You know the price He paid for you. It is real. Follow Him." It is enough. He has done more than enough for us. I thank God that His response to me when I cried out to Him wasn't, "Did I not save you from her? Did I not save you from lust? Did I not save you from pride? You cried out to me and I delivered you from their hands. Yet you have forsaken me and served other gods; therefore I will save you no more. 14 Go and cry out to the gods whom you have chosen; let them save you in the time of your distress.”

Oh how I thank God that He is more than patient with me! That when I have chased after idols and foolishness he never responded in that way! His response was always, "I have saved you, I have made you righteous!" The gods I pursued could never have saved me, but God did!

I finished my reading today with 2 Corinthians 5:21- "God made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God."

He made the way, He solved the problem, He sent His Son, He was perfect, HE SAVES. Thank God that He saves. To Him be the glory.

Prayer

2010-05-22T00:27:00.000-07:00

I often wonder what it is that brings people to their knees before God. Everyone has a different story, many are like mine, and others are unique or original tales of God's grace. Nevertheless, we do have a story, and at some point in there if we are a Christian we have found ourselves on our knees before God. So often Christianity is mistaken for wanting to go to heaven and escaping hell. Reality: fear of hell is not sufficient to usher you into the kingdom of God. Heaven is for those who love Him, and that doesn't stem from fear of hell in and of itself. Somewhere between falling on our knees in worship at the Cross of Jesus Christ and entering into Heaven we fall into a trap- Pride.

Pride is ever so dangerous and always lurking around the corner. It is a constant danger and appears in so many different ways. What is pride you say? Edward Payson says this:

"Pride consists in an unduly exalted opinion of one's self. It is, therefore, impatient of a rival, hates a superior, and cannot endure a master."

Paul reminds us in Romans 12 not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought to, but with sober judgment examine ourselves. I love his advice, but how does this come? I am not the only person on earth blogging on pride. I am the 1,000,000th customer in this game. So many have answered the question in their minds, and yet it still plagued me. The reason- I am so proud. It is a battle for so long that I couldn't win, and eventually deemed helpless. It showed itself in subtle ways, like establishing myself as an "Alpha" in a group. It happens when I judge the conversations of others. It rears its ugly head when I hear another teach or preach. Pride leaps out when I "fish for compliments" because of my insecurities. Funny how insecurity at its core is really pride. I fought and fought for so long. I legitimately tried everything I knew, and I had an insatiable hunger for the Word of God...but nothing worked.

Recently I think I have found the solution. It is simple, but people find it so difficult. Prayer. I really think that as Christians we should lament that our prayers don't do more. But is there anything more humbling than asking God for EVERYTHING?! When you get in your car and pray for a safe trip- because you have no control over the other drivers on the road and whether or not you get there safely! When you get in the shower in the morning- because your life is so fragile you could slip and fall. When you wake up after a night's sleep- because God created the world in such a way that sleeping gives your body rest, and He doesn't need any! When you teach and preach and proclaim the gospel with great words and knowledge- and then you stand before kids crying unable to formulate a coherent thought...pray, and God acts.

Knowing that we aren't in control of anything can be frightening at first. Praying for humility, praying in everything, praying for friends and churches and missionaries- it's humbling. It shows us how big God is and how sovereign He is, and just how incredibly small we are!

Why is it comforting? Because in the end you aren't as good at controlling stuff as He is. Because God knows everything, and you only know most stuff. And because the God who created the world through spoken word is orchestrating the workings of the universe to work together for the good of the entire church (universal) instead of you working for your own good.

Pray. Humble yourself in prayer. Pray to Him for all things, through all things, and in all things. You will be surprised to find that God answers prayers and takes delight in meeting the needs of His people.

"The church will not get on its feet until it first gets on its knees." Vance Havner

The Justice of My King

2010-04-27T08:47:00.001-07:00

I feel as if this blog has been stirring in my heart for quite some time, but it has been difficult to find the tone to write it with. I read Psalm 101 some days ago, and it has sat on my heart with the weight of a large stone. I cannot get past the first 4 lines:

I will sing of steadfast love and justice; to you, O LORD, I will make music. I will ponder the way that is blameless. Oh when will you come to me?

David wrote it. It's a song about leaders. Who leaders should be, what they should do, how they should live- it's all here in this little song the Israelites would sing. But who could fulfill such steep requirements? When they sang the song they had in mind a king in the line of David, but even more than that they had in mind a Messiah. They would sing it envisioning someone who had not been born yet, but they knew would exist. The man was faceless and shapeless, but his character was evident. He was blameless- faultless, without sin, innocent. He was steadfast in love- his love never failed, it was endless and unconditional. And His justice was perfect- he upheld the law and was the judge of the law, morally and spiritually perfect, He was life and life in the fullest.

This man was the ideal of the Hebrew people- and they waited for Him to come. And then they nailed Him to a cross, crucified Him, and to this day are waiting for the "real one" to appear.

He was here. He came for us, and he fit the mold His people were looking for. He was blameless, and steadfast in love and justice. Oh how perfect He was. He is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but in every way was tempted like us- yet was without sin! (Hebrews 4:15) We have a King who committed no sin, neither was deceit found in His mouth (1 Peter 2:22). Steadfast in love and justice, blameless before God, and a perfect sacrifice for my sin, for your sin, and for the sins of His people.

I wonder how many today wait for a savior. Maybe it isn't a king from the line of David, but is: money, jobs, marriage, romance, children, or some other mythical satisfaction the world hurls our way. He was here already. He came for you- don't miss Him, He was everything we sing about today and more- our glorious Savior.

Dear Friends and Facebook

2010-04-12T23:30:00.001-07:00

Most of you will probably never read this, and the few that will know me well enough to respect it, I hope. I have been thinking quite a bit about my Facebook and the attraction it has on my soul. While I am not a Facebook addict, and I have often refused to participate in the narcissistic posting about my daily routine (not too difficult since no one is interested- I'm a pretty boring dude), I have detected a bit of underlying concern with my page. I often post notes or updates pertaining to Christ, and my hope is that they glorify Him. However, there is a deep part of my heart that hopes they glorify me. I want people to visit my page, to comment on my pictures, to think of me often, to see how intelligent I am (which requires lots of slight of hand and illusions), and to be interested in my life. This portion of my heart has gone unresolved for too long. It is my arrogance that has allowed me to let it grow for even this long, and it is the grace of God that has revealed it to me now. I am far too concerned with the lives of others (including people who I have no business being concerned for), and not concerned enough with the lives of FOS students, my family, and most importantly- The Word of God. Social networking and internet has distracted me long enough, and I am absolutely humbled before God in this moment. I long for intimacy with my Savior and I don't believe Facebook is a venue that is conducive to that for me. I could use the excuse that it is networking with other pastors or old friends- but that is merely laziness on my part. I would like to say that this is a decision I am making knowing my own heart, and I do not think by any means that Facebook is the anti-Christ, demonic, Satan, Beelzubub, or worse- Hilary Clinton (sorry, I had to make a joke here and it was too easy). I do hope that one day I will return to this world because it is fun to see what is going on in the lives of people I care about, but that day is far off yet. If you would like to keep in touch I would be absolutely honored to hear from you. My email address is:

jake@ecconline.cc and/or jgamble.nchs@gmail.com

You can also have my phone number if you ask for it. Thanks for your friendship (the 3 of you who read this) and I hope that even in this note God is glorified. I will be deleting my Facebook account tomorrow evening.

In the words of Clarence (It's a Wonderful Life), "Remember George...No man is a failure who has friends."

For the Glory of God,
Jake Gamble

P.S.- I will continue writing at takethegamble.blogspot.com if you wish to follow along.

Skid Row

2010-04-12T17:25:00.000-07:00

On Friday morning, 9 people from our team (required to be 17 and older) got the go ahead to visit "Skid Row" in downtown LA. This is an area of 12 city blocks that is "home" to about 1,000 homeless people per block. As we drove past in our vans to park, it was incredible to see every single sidewalk full of people. Some were sleeping on mats, others pushing carts, and others still standing "innocently."

We pulled over and as we were receiving our simple instructions (to invite each person to a free meal at 1:30 pm)a man decided it was time to impart some wisdom. He told us how he was a product of Skid Row, how he had grown up there and the streets made him who he was, and how he could smell the "Hills" (Beverly Hills) on everyone of us "rich white folk." The tension was high enough without this guy stirring us up, but that didn't help. Some of the kids (and leaders) were afraid, so we took time to pray and ask God for courage and protection.

As we walked the streets, I saw things that I know will never be erased from my memory. After speaking with one man, I was walking to catch up with the group when a guy stumbled around the corner. I was a bit startled, but as I went to invite him to the meal I noticed his eyes rolled back in his head and a band tied around his upper arm. He had just finished shooting up in the alley. I tried to start a coherent conversation with him, but he was not following. We passed a few more blocks when I stopped to talk with 2 more guys. They were surprisingly friendly as I made conversation, and when I had finished (about to ask them if I could pray with them since they were so nice) speaking both started to reach into their pockets. One pulled out a large wad of cash, the other a small baggie filled with white powder. I was 2 feet from them and in broad daylight, but there was no shame on their part, it was simply a part of every day life.

Then we stopped by San Julian Park. I had only seen places like this in the movies. There were probably a hundred people inside, groups of 10-15 spread out around covered tables with their music blasting from old school boom boxes. I decided to approach one table and apologize for interrupting. The conversation went something like this-

Me: "Hey, sorry to interrupt, how's it going?"
Guy: "You don't care."
Me: "Oh, I'm sorry...I just wanted to tell you we are serving a free meal..."
Guy: "Good for you."
Me: "Well, it's at 1:30 at the V.O.A..."
Guy: "Shut up."
Me: "Yes sir, well I hope to see..."
Guy: "I said SHUTUP!"

Needless to say, I shut up. I wasn't sure what it was that set him off. Maybe it was my tone, or the fact that I was interrupting. Maybe it was the fact that I was white and he thought I had no business interrupting his day. I could feel the bitterness, anger, and hatred coming from his soul.

A few blocks from there a large camper sat on the side of the street that had a bucket inside. Junkies could come drop off dirty needles and exchange them for clean ones. It was like the city had given up, saying, "Well, we can't stop them from shooting up, so we might as well keep them from getting AIDS while they do it."

I had never seen anything like Skid Row. So many people hurting, broken, desperate, and lost...and they don't want any help. Years and years of neglect have left some angry at the world; and others searching for a way out. Stepping out of the car you could feel the weight of the place you had entered. You could feel the oppression, and you could sense the hopelessness. Somehow, seeing through the anger and desperation and the high most were riding, I saw something unexpected. I saw people. There were souls in there. Some maybe hidden deeper than others, but there were real, genuine people who were made in the image of God! There were people who had never known love, who had never seen the beautiful feet mentioned in Romans 10. Sin had hidden the message from them for so long, and we tried to bring it through food.

I left unsure of what to feel. I wanted so badly to do more. All of us wanted to rush out of our van and weep, crying out to them, "It doesn't have to be this way! There is another life, a better life! There is hope and infinite joy! It's not just Chinese food we were inviting you too!"

It left me thinking this- No place on this earth is God-forsaken. No matter how dark and lost a place is, God is there. But as I looked around and saw the misery all I could think was what hell must be like. Similar in a place of torment and hopelessness, but there is no sunshine that brings light in the morning. There is no free meal on Friday afternoon to fill your belly. There is merely the tragedy of dead souls who never knew the life that was at stake. And as the thought hit me I could not help but think I will not be a part of people going to hell! If sinners go then I will do all that is in my power to stop them! I will beg and plead and weep with them to find Christ in their lives so that they must not experience hell! They mustn't go to a place worse than what I had seen! God give me beautiful feet to bring that message.

C.H. Spurgeon once said, "If sinners will be damned, at least let them leap to hell over our bodies. And if they will perish, let them perish with our arms around their knees, imploring them to stay. If hell must be filled, at least let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go there unwarned and unprayed for."

Make it so, Sweet Lord. Precious Jesus, please let the people of Skid Row see that "The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned."

LA Dream Center Introduction Letter

2010-03-25T00:15:00.001-07:00

The theme of FOS Missions has taken on a new identity. The overarching theme for FOS Missions is “Let the nations be glad…” which is taken from Psalm 67:4. The point of this theme- that every FOS missions team will be sent with the express purpose of bringing the joy of God to people around the globe. This Spring, 28 people will travel to inner city Los Angeles to bring that joy to people who have never experienced it, never known it, and possibly never heard of it. There is no greater purpose on this earth, nor a greater glorification of God than reaching people with the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The unique theme of this year’s trip is “Light in Darkness;” taken from Isaiah 9:2. There are a few major ways that this light will manifest itself in our lives during this trip. First, we will be carriers of light for people living in a land of darkness. The city of Los Angeles has a population of roughly 4 million people, 800,000 of which live in poverty. Twenty-five percent of those 800,000 (200,000) are children ages 11 and younger. If you would like a comparison- the total population of Thurston County (Lacey, Olympia, Tumwater, and neighbors) is 204,300. There are as many children living in poverty in the city of Los Angeles as there are people in Thurston County. The light we will be bringing to these people isn’t preaching and it isn’t discipleship- it’s things like food, water, soap, and tears. We will bring the light of the love of God as we give them basic necessities that they couldn’t have had on their own, and through that they will know the love of God and the value of every human being in God’s eyes.

I believe we will also see a light shine out of darkness in our hearts. As a community we are blessed, but we often take for granted the blessings we have when we sit down to eat dinner. There are needs we have met every day that we don’t even give thought to, and on this trip we will see people who are lacking in those needs. It is my greatest hope that your perspective will be changed before returning home. And not changed for a moment, for a few weeks, or even a year; but having your heart and mind changed for a lifetime as you see the reality that people face every day. Things we never gave a thought to will be highlighted as essential and incredible, and through this God’s grace in our lives will ring out. He will shed light on dark corners of our hearts that we did not even know existed, and we need to return home changed.

Finally, we will bring light to FOS. There is a message, an attitude, and a heart that returns from a missions trip. Many of you have seen it before. We should never forget that message. Through this trip some of us may be called to world missions for a lifetime, some for a season and others will recognize the desperate need to help in our very own town. But we can never forget what we witness, what we hear, what we do, or even what God reveals in our hearts as we serve. That is a message that has to be passed on to FOS, to Evergreen Christian Community, and to the body of Christ as a whole. It is a message of grace and compassion, a message of heartache and brokenness, but most of all a message about hope. It is a message that brings joy where there was none, and a message that brings light to those trapped in darkness- whether that is Olympia, Los Angeles, Burma, Indonesia, Mexico, or Spain- it must go on.

Take a posture of humility in this trip, and allow God to do with you as He wills- you will be surprised to find the depths of joy in serving such a caring God.

The Difficulties of Preaching

2010-03-11T17:08:00.001-08:00

I have been thinking a great deal about teaching the Word of God (not to mention doing it 4 times a week for the last 7 months). It is draining, weighty, difficult, frustrating, joyous, adrenaline filled, and challenging. I love the Bible. I love that as I read it, it speaks to me and proves itself true. It identifies my sin, it works and moves me, it truly is living and active. One of the problems of teaching it is the guarantee from God that people will hear it in different ways- Luke 8. Some people will eat it up at first and get choked out by other concerns, some will never have it sink in, others will enjoy a message but when trial comes it will knock them down. And still- others- they will hear it and it will bring forth beautiful, deep, rich, meaningful life. That is a joyous time in any preacher's life.

I think we have missed this for too long in Christianity. We look at the three groups that don't bear fruit as "getting it." I don't think they do. I don't think they are Christians- at least not yet. It kills me to see someone in church on a Sunday morning, Tuesday or Wednesday night, and they nod their heads through the entire message. They agree, maybe cry, and receive the message in that moment. THEN- and this is huge- they go home and turn on the television. And what they don't realize is that the birds are coming in and swooping up the message that was just spoken to them. They are eating up the seeds of the Gospel that were scattered in their hearts just moments before. And it's not just TV, it can be a cell phone, Facebook, Myspace, or having friends over.

Where is the wrestle? The word of God goes out and it has to sink through the soil, it has to settle and be watered and weeded and cared for continuously. We get so distracted that we forget to wrestle with the deep truth that affected us while a pastor spoke. We put off change because there is a good movie on, or a friend is coming over. Why? Why would we risk it? Don't wait! Do what you feel God pressing you to do, don't reason it away as being too radical...don't even give yourself that chance! Change is right, it's what the Gospel does. The words of Jesus would be spoken and stir the hearts of the people around Him, and they would act! Don't allow your justifications and reasoning to take away the extreme action God is calling you to.

Why would you do it? Because there is more joy in being obedient to Christ and knowing that through that obedience you are drawing near to Him and Him to you. There is more joy in that than in a movie, a video game, a text, a girlfriend, shopping, or a party! There is so much more joy in knowing God than any of those things, so don't wait!

I hope as you read this God is revealing to you the thing you have put off for days, weeks, years, maybe for some of you decades- go do it. Turn off the electronics and go be with God! Cancel your cable. Turn your phone off. Sell your x-box. Run to the arms of Christ knowing that in obedience your time with Him will only be increased...He will bring you comfort.

A Hard Day

2010-02-07T23:20:00.000-08:00

Today at ECC we started the "goodbye process" for Pastor Dale. He announced today that he and his family will be leaving to pastor People's Church in Fresno, California. While it was difficult news for me, I had time to process. Many, however, did not. I saw many tears, many shocked faces, and many people who experienced a great range of emotions in a flash. I was greatly encouraged to see so much maturity in the church, hugging Pastor Dale with love and releasing him to the place of his next calling.

I had a conversation with a good friend after our 12:12 service for about 20 minutes following the announcement of his departure. I wanted to affirm the sovereignty of God in all of this (nothing she hadn't heard before) and the joy of knowing that our future with God is brighter than our past or present. I do realize this though: We are human beings with hearts that feel, hurt, love, and mourn. I hope we embrace these feelings. So many people are ashamed of tears because they show vulnerability- but Jesus was never afraid to be vulnerable. He called on his friends when he needed them, He wept openly at the loss of a dear friend (John 11:35). He mourned with the sad, He wept with the hurting, and He was never afraid to share what was on His heart.

For those that are hurting and trying to find a cure for the pain- sort through the emotions. Process, wrestle, struggle, fight, and search for joy in all of this. It will grow your soul. There may not be a definitive answer to the pain, or a cure for that matter, but there can be faith that fills the gap between our pain and the promise of God that it is working for our good eternal joy.

Don't run from it. Talk with friends, cry with brothers and sisters, pray together, love each other, be all that the church is supposed to be in this moment. And when that happens we'll see that the church wasn't built on the shoulders of any one human being- it was built on the God-Man- Jesus Christ. He is the head and the foundation of the church, and as we wrestle through that my prayer is that He will meet us with loving arms, calling us to more of Him even in the midst of a difficult time as a body. I know He will do this, I know He will reveal much of Himself in this transition period, and I know that whoever comes will not be Pastor Dale, but will be exactly who God has called to this place for this moment. And for that I'm thankful.

In the mean time, we get to hear from a passionate preacher, and a very dear friend/boss of mine! And that sure ain't no hand me down. This boy can preach!

In Christ,
Jake

The Joy of Gathering Together

2010-02-06T23:46:00.000-08:00

As I look over the last 3 years of serving in a youth ministry, I have often wondered whether or not I wore a "mask." We often refer to the persona that a person puts on in a certain situation as a "mask" so that people will think they are one way when, in fact, they are not. So frequently I have rough days and I come into FOS and there is a smile on my face, joy in my soul, and conversations to be had. As I contemplate this thought, it hit me- I've never had to try. Never once has my joy been deceptive, nor have I tried to fool everyone into thinking I've had it all together. I have joy because I am doing something that God created me to do- gathering for corporate worship.

In Psalm 42, the Psalter writes:
"These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng
and lead them in procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
a multitude keeping festival."

The author is going through an awful experience in life- his tears have been his food day and night, his adversaries taunt him, he has felt far from God for too long...and what does he do? He posts his feelings on Facebook so his 1900 "friends" can all ask, "What's wrong?" and then write on his wall how great he is! (Buzzer sound) Wrong! He preaches to himself, first, that God is still God and that he has hope in God! (There will be more to come on this idea of self-preaching). But he says as he pours out his soul he remembers how he would gather with the throng (a multitude of assembled persons) and lead them in procession in the house of God, with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival! He looks back on his time WITH THE CHURCH in fondness and it is a memory that allows him to press onward! It is beautiful. He remembers his friends gathering together, he remembers how he would lead them, and that very memory serves him in his moment of despair.

Christianity was meant to be lived out in community, not in isolation. We have others to help carry our burdens, we have people to cry with us and pray for us and hurt with us! We have people to rejoice with us and to hope with us and to love with us! It is a gift- the church is a precious gift of Christ and how we spoil it by being so angry towards it!

I know that one day, when trial comes, I will look back on my time at FOS as I pour out my soul. I will remember how I stood with the kids singing praises to God and rejoicing at all that He is and does, and that very memory will push me through trial.

I hope you have that because it is there, you must want it. Thank you Lord, for the beautiful bride that is the church. We are not perfect, but you are...and we worship you for that, TOGETHER.

Hope for Young Men

2010-02-04T10:31:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday night I preached at FOS McCleary on men. One of the things I mentioned is that nothing is more discouraging/frustrating for me to see than men in the Christian church being outnumbered 3:1. I'm not sure how it happened, but somewhere along the way men stopped leading and started becoming lazy, ignorant, stagnant little boys. Most Sundays you'll find men sitting at home watching football on the couch as their wife gets the kids ready for church, drives them to church, registers them, and then brings them home to make their lunch, along with the lunch of her husband, who is also a child.

I found hope on Wednesday night. I watched about 50 young guys gather in front of everyone- high school freshman, sophomores, juniors, and seniors, even some middle schoolers- and worship the God of the universe with no shame. I saw these young men a month ago at camp be broken before God, cry without shame, covenant to protect women, remain pure, and ask each other the difficult questions that have been missing from American culture for so long. I saw those young men sit together with their Bibles open on Wednesday night taking notes on Biblical teaching. I have heard them recite Scripture that they have memorized to war against the desires of the flesh. I have seen them sit and read their Bibles together while everyone else fools around. I've watched silently as they help little ones, reach out to the hurt, and love a community of people who look up to them. I see them wake up on Sunday mornings to learn more about God in classroom formats. I hear them say they love each other and witness them hug. I see them play sports and not glorify themselves.

Something is different in these young men, and it's Christ. Christ is at work in them and it gives me so much hope that maybe, all around the country, other young men are being raised up to be good daddy's, loving husbands, providers, and LEADERS! Oh how I pray that young men are being gathered to do just that! How joyous it would be indeed to see a movement of men who really do care, who can get off their behinds and work for the gospel of Jesus Christ! What hope that brings to me, and I pray that it does the same for you, or that it challenges you to be a better man.

There is a shortage of good, Christian men in the world. Let's fix that.

We Were Brothers Once

2010-01-11T22:53:00.000-08:00

Today I celebrate the exodus of a very dear friend. For those of you who don't know, Connor Schmidt left today for the Army Ranger Indoctrination Program in Fort Benning Georgia. We celebrated with him yesterday, I shed tears at his departure, not in fear or true sadness...tears of joy at his embracing life and doing what he feels called to do. But mixed in with those tears were tears I couldn't hide- tears of a brother.

I am the brother of one great sister, but my whole life I wanted a brother. I wanted another boy to tackle, to wrestle, to laugh with, eat with, fight with, struggle with, and cry with. Roughly three years ago God gave me that brother in Connor. Our first conversation took place on the kitchen counter of Andrew Murch's house when we both discovered our passion for ministry and desire to be a pastor one day. Since that day we've shared many memories, and we've walked the path of manhood together. His leaving was abrupt and too fast, but I know this- God has enormous things in store for Connor. He will impact the lives of soldiers, friends, family, kids, and whoever else finds themselves in his company. I'm excited to share him with the world, even through the tears of a brother.

Every so often people enter into your life that you never forget. Not because they are hilarious or good looking, but because they leave fingerprints on your heart. You gave them access to the real you, and they impacted you in deep, meaningful ways. A very wise man once told me, "A friend is someone I will call if I have a need." That's a pretty good definition- and if you know Connor you probably considered him a friend. I encourage you this night, don't forget those people. The ones that really changed you, the ones that loved you enough to tell you the truth, the people who genuinely cared for your well-being, not just what you thought of them. Don't forget them- pray for them. Call them. Think of them often because they are a gift from God.

I miss Connor. I hope he comes back in a few months. I will be praying for him (and I know he would appreciate all your prayers as he goes through grueling training and prepares for combat). But I will not forget my brother. Not in the least. I look forward to the day when he and I can celebrate together and continue the road that we started to walk 3 years ago. Thank you Jesus for good friends, good men who give you their whole heart and help me to see what being a man is really about. Thank you Lord.

More than a feeling...

2010-01-08T09:41:00.000-08:00

Brad Delp's falsetto tones ring out in my ear, "It's more than a feeling...more than a feeling...when I hear that old song they used to play...it's more than a feeling." What could possibly be more than a feeling?

One week ago today we headed up a mountain to visit Camp Ghormley, FOS youth's annual winter camp (visit fosyouth.com or foscamps.com for more information). We left changed. And yet, every year kids return from camp on a spiritual "high" that they seem certain will evaporate and suddenly they find themselves clinging to the thoughts of the next big even to reestablish that high, or that feeling. Just a few days ago a kid asked me, "What if I don't feel God? It doesn't really feel like He is close to me. I just can't feel it." Or so often I have heard, "I am trying to worship but I am not really feeling it."

What swells in my heart in those responses is not anger, inasmuch as it is indignation. We have taken what was intended for God and made it about ourselves. Worship is our giving praise to God for all that He has done, it is the stirring of our affections for Him in the face of His greatness. It is not goosebumps and a warm feeling spreading over our body as the bridge to our favorite song gets as loud as possible while the drummer's lead foot pounds the kick into the microphone causing our microscopic hearts to pound at the same pace...this is not worship.

Worship is not inspired by music alone, nor is it inspired by anything else alone. Worship is inspired by God. Our worship of God is not dependent on how good the music is, or how good the preaching makes us feel. Our worship for God hinges on one fact- "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." We have never and will never deserve the mercy of God, but He has granted it to us without reason. That to me is reason to worship. That stirs my affections for Him in all things, not just a "warm-fuzzy" lifting my hands. To know that the God of the universe loved us enough to send His Son to die for us, not because we are great but because He is, so that we could be with Him in eternity is enough to awaken worship in my heart. What does it take for you? A "motivational speaker" making you "feel good" when you leave the church on Sunday? A loud speaker with a sub-woofer the size of Sioux Falls, South Dakota pounding your rib cage to death? Or the message of the Gospel, "For while we were still weak (dead), at the right time Christ died for the ungodly." Is that enough for us to devote our lives to a most holy God no matter what the cost? I hope so...or else we are guilty of idolatry.

A student sharing her story said this: "I never thought I was a bad person before. I didn't have a lot of 'sins' to confess outright. Then I realized- I'm TERRIBLE! I fail so much, and yet God loves me because Christ died for me. I don't know what to do with that other than love Him back."

I can still hear the music..."When I hear that old song they used to play...more than a feeling...I begin dreaming...it's more than a feeling..." Is it more than a feeling? Indeed it is- it's called faith. Even when you can't "feel Him" anymore, you know He is still there.

Hope

2009-12-07T16:16:00.000-08:00

At Evergreen Christian yesterday we talked about Hope. We commenced an Advent series that will last 4 weeks, covering the topics of Hope, Love, joy, and Peace. As I sat watching the film "Shawshank Redemption" today, Andy Dufresne's voice called to me at the end of the film. He said in a letter to his friend Red:

"Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."

This was a continuation of an earlier conversation the two had while spending their 18th year in prison together (Red was at approx. 36 years). Andy had began to speak of music as a glorious object of hope, saying that in prison you need music so you don't forget "there are places in this world that aren't made out of stone. That there's something inside... that they can't get to, that they can't touch. That's yours."

Red asks, "What are you talking about?" To which Andy responds, "Hope." The final part of that conversation comes from the man who had been behind bars for nearly 40 years. He says, "Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane."

Red was right. Hope is a dangerous thing. It can drive a man insane. It is a simple act to concede defeat, to surrender. When a person is in the midst of difficulty the easiest move to make is to drop everything and become content. It is natural to become content in struggle because when it happens, things can only get better. If we constantly look forward to something with hope and that thing never comes, we are dealt a crushing defeat. To surrender all arms and to lose hope is to say that rescue will not come. In that, we protect ourselves from disappointment.

It is far more difficult to hope. It takes greater courage and determination to hope in something greater...but most of us do take that risk. Most humans dare to hope for a good life, a good marriage, a nice job, true love, quality friends, etc. When those things fail hope is lost, or it shifts to something else. But when there is nothing left- what do we hope in? When you are 80 and those dreams have passed, is there hope left? When you don't have money to pay for school, is there hope? When your marriage isn't what you expected it to be, is there hope? Can there be hope in the midst of the dark night of the soul?

My answer is a resounding yes. There is a part of us that "isn't made of stone. That they can't get to...that they can't touch. That's yours..." That part will not surrender hope at any point. And that part is from God. He created us as beings of hope, and gave us hope.

Thursday I spent most of the day choking back tears, holding back the dam of emotions that had welled up over time. That night the dam broke. The tears flooded my face and the all too familiar feeling of hopelessness warred against all that I knew. All my beliefs were thrust into action, and I was forced into action. It was in that place that this came to mind, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." (Romans 15:13). In calling to mind that the God I believe in is the God of Hope, He created hope. He stirred it in my heart to hope in something and in that moment to know that all was not lost. There was hope. Despair was defeated on the cross 2000 years ago and because of that I can now abound in hope. My soul is so filled with hope in knowing that one day I will see the sweet face of my Savior, the one who gave me hope, and my hope will become something more, it will become reality.

At the end of Shawshank Redemption, Red is walking across a beach in Mexico and narrating with these words- "I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope."

You were right Red- hope is a dangerous thing. But hope in God does not go unfulfilled...will you dare to hope? Will you be so bold as to stare despair in the face knowing that the tunnel ends, and his mercies are new every morning? Will you hope? I hope you will.

Motivation

2009-11-24T22:42:00.000-08:00

Every good investigator knows a suspect in a crime needs a motive. Motivation, or motive in particular, is something that drives/forces us to act. Human beings have an infinite amount of motivators, of which the most prominent in my mind are power, fame, greed, influence (the Christian term for glory that we justify), greatness, legacy, and something I will call "like-ability." We are beings who desire to be accepted and approved in some way by those around us. Our time is either spent trying to get the spotlight, trying to keep the spotlight, or trying to avoid it so as not to draw attention to our folly. When we succeed we desire attention and praise, when we misstep we hope it is noticed by no one, and may it never be brought to light. Hold your head high, and when you stumble be certain to lift yourself from the ground and move on confidently. "Dust yourself off and try again" Aaliyah tells us. Unfortunately, I often feel like my moments to be esteemed are passed over whimsically, while my faults are brought to light readily by every living creature present (my dog reminded me of my selfishness just this evening).

We are such puzzling beasts, human beings. Most of our good deeds are done with selfish motives- self-glorification, adrenaline, heroism, etc- and yet we mask it with "humility" that is defined by the deflection of praise. This is no humility at all. We want so badly for our good deeds to be noticed, so that in the end they turn from selfless acts to self-serving acts. We wish to be viewed as great. Sherlock Holmes once said,

"You know a conjuror gets no credit when once he has explained his trick, and if I show you too much of my method of working, you will come to the conclusion that I am a very ordinary individual after all."

How it rings true in my soul that if people knew the real me they would see not just my very ordinary self, but even more so the wickedness of my heart. So, like the magician- we work to never ruin our "tricks." If we can keep people looking at the smoke and mirrors we may live a life smothered by "Ooohs and Aaahs" and at the end of our time be admired, heralded, maybe even touted (any time you can use the word touted in a blog it is a good day). And, if we're honest (which none of us ever are), we desire all of those things.

Problem- God calls us to make much of Him and not of ourselves. This isn't our nature. We are wired to seek our own glory and oh how we toil at building that legacy! We hide and shift and deceive in order to be regarded as great among men! Some of the scariest passages of Scripture to me are those like Romans 2:16 where Paul writes, "on that day when, according to my gospel, God judges the secrets of men by Christ Jesus." To know that one day I will lay naked (metaphorically) before God, all my secrets and dark corners exposed, is a terrifying thought. And yet- if I am honest now my legacy is untainted when, on that day, according to my Gospel, God will judge by secrets by Jesus. People will not look on in disgust as a secret life of sin and shame are revealed...they will look on in eager longing for the revealing of the Sons of God. My body will be redeemed and they will see a broken man made whole again. They will see a man who claimed to be the chief of all sinners redeemed, cleaned, justified, sanctified, and pure before Christ.

So what have we to fear? Confession and transparency are messy work. But if they mean drawing nearer to God then are they not worth it? For HE is the motivation that sustains! He is the motivation that never fails, the passion that never subsides, the love that never dissipates! So rather than building my own legacy and chasing the wind in the life I have been given- allow me to step aside and build HIS legacy. Lord, Humble me so that all my works may glorify Christ and not myself! Let my motivation to see the name of Christ exalted and lifted high...may it never be my name. If this means humiliation and shame for a lifetime- let me not save face. I have great hope that the "face" I lose here will be lifted in Heaven to meet my glorious Savior as He allows me to enter in and rest.

Project- Try to do something this week to help someone. Bring them lunch, give them a loan, fix a car, do a favor, stay at the hospital, try anything. Only accept no payment and tell no one of it...see how difficult it is to refrain from seeking praise from men.

"“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you." Matthew 6:1-4

Romans 7 Eats My Soul For Lunch

2009-10-12T23:01:00.001-07:00

Paul opens Romans 7 by talking to brothers (those who know the law of the Old Testament), in saying that the law is only binding in life. Once death is reached, it no longer holds the person. Using the illustration of a woman who is married and her husband dies, she is free to marry again because death has set her and him free from the law. However, if a woman remarries while her husband is still alive, she is considered an adulteress. All this to point to the fact that the law is no longer binding upon death.

Here's where Paul chose to reach into my abdominal/torso area, pull out my soul, insert into mouth, and chew decidedly. He says likewise, like the woman whose husband had died, you have died to the law through the body of Christ, so that you may belong to another, the one who was raised from the dead (Romans 7:4). Like the woman set free from the law by the death of her husband, we were set free from the law by the death of Christ. This is the reason Jesus must be fully human, if he were not, we would not have been granted freedom from the law. However, because of his perfection as a human being in not breaking the law of sin, he was declared innocent before God.

A law breaker (any normal human being), must bear the punishment of breaking the law, namely, in this case, death (Romans 6:23). In order for Jesus to be a sacrifice, he had to have been not guilty, otherwise, he was merely a sinner being punished for sin. But since he lived a sinless life, he had a "choice" to bear punishment in our stead. The punishment for our sin was death, and he bore that death on Good Friday. This is mind blowing to me- not only did he achieve for us eternal life, but he also died for us. I don't mean the metaphoric died for us in the sense that he loved us so much that he died for us, but in the most literal sense. We were supposed to die, and he did it instead. And Paul says that because he experienced death. all who would follow him for all time are also considered DEAD! I don't have to die to be dead? Seems odd.

Why this is important moves back to Romans 7. Verse 6 says that we may serve in a new way of the Spirit because we are no longer held captive by the law. We can bear fruit instead of bearing death. Why would I follow Jesus one might say? Well, because in Jesus we are dead. Oh what a joy you respond? Great joy is found in knowing that we are free from the law! The law that plagued man for centuries, that marked out morality and man continued to fail at. As every human in history fell short of the life they were called to, Jesus reached that mark. And in his death I consider myself dead and so freed from the law. Being freed from the law, there can be no transgression. Were the law not written I would never have known what it is to covet, had the law not said, "You shall not covet." (Romans 7:7) If the law had not existed, then we would not have recognized sin, and never recognized our own sinfulness, leaving us without need for rescue. But the law was created, and it was holy, but sin seized the opportunity to lead us astray, and so we became slaves to sin. We knew what was wrong and what was right, and yet continued to do what we knew was wrong because we were slaves to sin.

I cannot keep the law. Being born of flesh, I am a slave to flesh, and flesh is sold to sin. It belongs to sin. This is why I prize death. Having died through Christ, my flesh dies- I take on his death as my own. In doing so, I am no longer a slave to sin and am able to bear fruit for Christ. I die with him, but am able to continue living here to do his work while in the flesh, and yet not of the flesh.

I have died through the body of Christ- his human body, and because of His death I am able to preach the gospel today without being a slave to sin. This is the rebirth, the death of my flesh that produces life in my spirit. Oh how I pray that I would be a slave to righteousness and not to sin! That my flesh would be crucified with Christ in order that I may be raised with him to life, and not only life but life in abundance.

The Reflection's Not so Kind

2009-09-23T22:39:00.000-07:00

I remember as a kid I would dress up in my dad's cowboy boots, wear boxers, a t-shirt, tie a towel around my neck as a substitute cape, and wear a mask around my eyes. This made me Batman. I say this not to reveal my secret identity, although I am the caped crusader, I say it because there are times I miss those days. I miss being able to look in the mirror and see what I wanted to see. I wasn't phased by my 2'3" frame, I wasn't phased by my sun-bleached bowl cut, and my freckles didn't disqualify me from destroying bad guys. I would put those boots on and I was Batman, it was the equivalent to stepping into a different universe.

There are often times when I look into the mirror today and I see that same little boy. Not Batman, but the little boy who was scared of spiders, scared of being alone, and facing constant doubts. I see that little boy today in different things (although spiders are still all too dangerous). Today I look in the mirror and glaring insufficiency meets my eye line. Doubts about my calling, doubts about my qualifications, and doubts about my faith peak at seemingly audible levels...and I'm forced to turn away. I don't like that man. I don't like the one in the mirror, the man who has issues and problems and fears and difficulties. I can't look at him too long before his soul is exposed and I am overcome with grief for all of my shortcomings. He's not supposed to be a pastor...he's not supposed to be pure...he's not supposed to preach...how could he when he is worse off than the people he's preaching to? Terrifying.

And yet, I still have a mirror. It rests humbly in the bathroom above the sink. I consult it daily to assure that I'm presentable and ready for life. There are moments when I see that man in the mirror, but I am called back to words like these-

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful." Col. 3:12-15

"Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. 2 Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit." Psalm 32:1-2

Oh how I rejoice that the man in the mirror is one who is forgiven! A man who the Bible calls blessed, supremely happy, praised because my sin is gone! I can look in that mirror and know that my insufficiency does not play the loudest tune...but like the boy that once pushed back darkness as Batman, I can push back darkness as one saved by God! I can look in the mirror and not see a broken soul, but one knitted back together by the very hands of Christ. I can view myself, not in light of my failure, but in full view of God's glorious success! I can stand, look into the mirror, and see a boy dressed in a man's clothes. I can see a boy who has put on a bathrobe far too large, and it covers up all that is wrong with him. I can put on the righteousness of Christ and know that I am completely covered, even my wickedness, that same boy with all the issues...He can be covered by the righteousness of Christ. That is blessed! I am blessed to know Him.

Fighting for Joy

2009-09-07T14:10:00.001-07:00

I have thought much on the dangers of emotion. I would not define myself as an emotional man as much as I am passionate, I hardly wreck myself due to situations surrounding, however, the more time I spend with people the more I recognize the propensity to be swayed by the slightest spring breeze. People are so often driven to emotional frenzies by the situations that life dictates. Identifying this foul up hardly makes life much easier, but it is possible that this identification will develop something I will refer to as steadfastness.

For as long as I can remember I have been prone to bouts of melancholy. Most of the time the onsets are initiated by loneliness, but at times they seem completely unwarranted and out of place. In days past my response was to flow with my mood, so much so that even the music I chose was founded upon which “emotional state” I had complacently accepted. In my thought on the topic, a phrase has resurfaced time and time again, that phrase being, “Fight for joy.” I borrow it from Dr. John Piper, probably most notably in the book When I Don’t Desire God. Upon first hearing the phrase I was consumed by thoughts of “convincing myself otherwise” and “seeing the silver lining.” I had the idea that I could shift and change the feelings I experienced into something positive. Yet, I don’t believe this is the basis of the statement at all. Human beings are emotional creatures, we are designed to respond emotionally to situations. Without emotional response we would not be human, and thus it is an integral part of our created being. The trouble is, sometimes emotion can be deceiving. Surrendering control of our actions to emotion leads to dangerous decisions, i.e. suicide as the result of hopelessness, drinking as the result of regret, sex as the result of loneliness, marriage as the result of pleasure, etc.. Unfortunately, these things do not offer a solution to the weight in each emotion because feelings are so fickle. I cannot remember a “happiness” in my life that lasted more than a few days, and I certainly cannot formulate an example of a darkness that would not depart. You see, because emotions are controlled by circumstance, and circumstance is constantly changing, our emotions are wholly unstable. While this seems like a logical argument, the strength of the emotions that we feel lead us to believe otherwise. Happiness makes us so ecstatic that foolishness is no disgrace. Sadness makes us so desperate that we must escape it. And heartbreak is so crippling that it must be mended with new love quickly, lest we die with a fault line in our chest. And yet, even the silliest of men will tell you that those emotions will fade in time.

My charge is one that comes from a bleeding heart- fight for joy. The strength of emotions is one of the mightiest of men, and yet it can be overcome. We mustn’t arrive at a place where emotions are shut off altogether, but rather, search for a destination where circumstances do not dictate our response. I say fight for joy because joy is no state of mind, it is a state of being. There is a joy that exists that cannot be touched by sadness, despair, loneliness, or even happiness. There is a joy that wells up inside the soul and is defended forcefully by truth and love. This joy comes from knowing Christ as Savior and as Lord. The joy rests in knowing that while life may be difficult, one day my Savior is going to return and all that has gone wrong in this life will no longer be of substance. Joy is founded upon the promise that Christ is working all things together for the good of those who love him. My joy resides in the knowledge that at this very moment Jesus is at the feet of the Father pleading for me, interceding for me, praying for me to persevere. So while difficulty seems to be surrounding me and demanding a surrender, despair has made rest in my bed, loneliness I call a constant companion, and uncertainty continues to enfold- I believe that one day the dawn will arrive. The sun will set on the dark night of the soul and my Jesus will rescue me, my face unveiled completely, and the emotions that once haunted my every moment will be departed for all time. This knowledge is my weapon as I continue to fight the darkness. And I invite you to join me in this life, fight for joy.

“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” Psalm 42:5-6a

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:1-4

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” Romans 8:18

Why forgiveness of sins?

2009-08-31T21:51:00.000-07:00

5 days ago I preached a message on Luke 7:36-50. It is the story of a sinful woman who walks into the house of a Pharisee crying, broken, and overcome with joy. She washes Jesus' feet with her tears and hair, and anoints his feet with an expensive ointment. Since preaching, I have read through the passage 7 or 8 more times and written a poem on it (albeit a rudimentary one). It is safe to say that this text has been bouncing around in my mind quite a bit.

I tend to stray as far away from the "prototype evangelical Christian" as much as possible. Partially because I am a bit jaded from life in the 90's church, and partially because I think most of the men preaching on TBN are sadly mistaken (maybe that opinion is related to the first part of the sentence). In any case, preaching a message called "grace" seemed a bit overdone...I don't want to stand in front of teenagers nudging them towards tears, promising streets paved with cheese, and that life with Christ is like "Pleasantville." It's not. Life is hard, as a Christian it's harder. I don't believe I did a good job of emphasizing the reason for grace on Wednesday as I read this passage over and over. The woman comes into the house not to hear the words of Jesus, for she has already heard them and received. She comes in to celebrate his words. A sinful woman enters into a house where she is not welcome because she wants to be at the feet of Jesus no matter what the cost. She sees him as the source of the joy that she had been missing for so long and she will not wait to express it through tears of joy and repentance.

I can relate to the woman in the story- I recognize that the forgiveness of sins in my life is a debt I am unable to repay. The mountain of debt stood before me as I knelt at the cross of Christ with empty pockets and he granted me absolution from a past cluttered with failure. And for that I am ever thankful, but it is NOT the source of my joy. All too often I think Christians preach that exoneration is the good news. Forgiveness of sins is the gospel. Heaven is the good news. Heaven is NOT the good news. Forgiveness of sins is NOT the good news. The good news is that God saved us for HIMSELF! Our sins are forgiven so that we can be with him. Heaven is good news because we are in the presence of God- and the byproduct of that is we have no more tears or sadness, our souls are filled to the point of overflow with joy!

If the good news of the gospel is that our sins are forgiven, we may find ourselves sinning more (Romans 6). But if the good news is that our lives are with Jesus because we are dead to sin and will be resurrected with him in life…our lives change. The glory of the gospel comes from the transformation of lives, and the transformation of lives comes from death to self, and death to self happens in order that we may be made like Jesus in suffering and in resurrection (Philippians 3). Let me reiterate this one more time- the grace we are given as sinners is wonderful and should shock us into awe of who Christ is, but the reason it is offered is so we can live a life with God, and eventually be WITH him in eternity. Oh how wonderful this news is! I am not merely forgiven my sins but the object of my greatest affection- the one that I desire to be with and yet could never approach has grasped me in the palm of his hand and drawn me to Himself! This is the good news that does not dwindle with age or sanctification. Each day the joy of knowing I am his brings me to a point of flooding with praise! This is why I worship, this is why death is at work in me…so that one day that feeling of God’s presence being “lost” is not even a memory and is replaced with infinite, glorious, breathtaking joy.

Grace for a Sinner (a work in progress- Luke 7:36-50)

2009-08-31T21:49:00.000-07:00

Forgiven a debt of 500 days wages
My failures and shortcomings he gently assuages
The righteous gather to point a finger
But the stench of my sin no longer does linger
I enter the house afraid of no sentence
For wrath once mine is lost in repentance
So tears stored long flow freely and fall
Tumbling to earth in sight of them all
Uncertain I quake and kneel to his feet
The dust of the day my lips quickly greet
Scrubbing so humbly with hair unkempt
Recalling a message too real to be dreamt
“Forgiveness of sins for those who believe
The burden of guilt I’ve come to relieve
Cast forth your pain and call on my name
The Father shall answer all sinners the same-
My son I have offered, no love withheld
For those of my covenant whose fears I have quelled.”
Surely not I so filthy and tainted,
“Your name I have called your destiny I painted”
Quickly I offer a life once broken
My affections are yours for my heart you have spoken
Have all of me, Beloved, for I am yours
Lost in the one my heart so adores.

My Manifesto

2009-08-15T01:18:00.001-07:00

It is currently 1:18 AM. I am on a computer I don't usually write on, all the lights are dim in my apartment, my parents are sleeping in my bed, and I am savagely awake. My eyes are tired but my mind will not stop racing. If you've ever seen Jerry McGuire, this is the equivalent to the opening scene where he writes his hopes and dreams for being an agent. He writes and writes through the night and in the morning receives a standing ovation, only to be fired days later. I feel for Jerry in this place- while my thoughts may not be completely coherent the words are like fire in my bones. As I writhed in hopeless effort to sleep I knew ultimately that this would be the outcome- to blurt. And once I've blurted to hope for clarity, and if clarity comes then trust that some good was done. So here is my attempt, be gracious, this screen is much brighter than I remembered.

If you don't know my current situation I will inform you briefly. As of 1 month ago I was employed by Student Painters and planning on leaving for Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary on August 15th. I was nervous, excited, and a little bit of whatever else a young man should feel when moving across the country far from home trying to survive on his own. I say all this in the past tense because around 3.5 weeks ago the youth pastor at Evergreen Christian Community offered me a job as an Associate Pastor. After much prayer and consulting the men in my life I consider mentors I decided to take the job and stay in Olympia. Part of me experienced remorse that I am not going to Boston. I was excited about continuing my education, I was excited about a brand new culture, I was excited about starting a completely new portion of my life in a new place with new people and new challenges. But after 2 weeks of working at this church I know this for certain- I made the right decision. Even if Andrew/Dennis/Dale were to fire me tomorrow it would have been the right decision. Given the opportunity to work at such an amazing church has been great, yes, but it is not my deciding factor. Looking at these last 14 days has opened my eyes to 2 things:

1) The one thing that will bring unimaginable joy in my life vocationally for the rest of my days is doing ministry with friends.
2) When the time comes to look back on my life (if it ever does) the ONLY thing I will care to say is that I helped people.

Doing ministry with friends has to be the greatest job ever. I am surrounded by men who love the Lord, and while this may not be the position I want to die in, it has made me completely aware of the fact that there is nothing better for me in this life. I want to preach the gospel surrounded by men who care deeply for Jesus and for each other so much so that they are willing to speak the truth to one another in love. They are willing to shed light on each other's sins in order to move closer to Christ. They are willing to share struggles with one another, and covenant together to move past sin. And they will do everything in their power to ensure that the world sees/hears/feels/smells/tastes Christ more from their lives.

I can't imagine, as my dear friend William Wallace puts it, that lying in my bed many years from now, looking back and wanting to trade all the days from this day to that (death) for one chance, just one chance to come back to this place and help someone see Jesus. I cannot imagine approaching death and seeing the sum total of my life being cars and money and real estate. I cannot fathom the depths of despair that my soul would breech if I were forced to look upon my life knowing that I had wasted it.

In the end I do not know much, but I know this- the reason I am left on this earth as a Christian is to help people. That is why I want to be a pastor. That is why I want to press onward. I know that there are people out there who need help and I have been granted the days to share with them the majestic doctrine that can save them- a doctrine that says only, "believe and be saved." I do not believe I am special. It is not my words or abilities or voice that will save them, but the very words of God spoken through me. And my hope is that He will do that for anyone who will listen because I just want to help. More than anything I long for people to see how sweet the face of the risen Christ is. Oh that many would come to see his sufficiency knowing that his love is better than ANYTHING this world has to offer.

That is my destiny. I will enjoy my labor for all my days knowing that if even one person will know Christ deeply because of my life than I have done him/her good service in helping reveal ultimate, infinite joy for all eternity.

The Enjoyment of God

2009-06-08T12:20:00.000-07:00

I was reading a John Piper blog on the idea of a single passion. It has been burning in my mind for weeks now, the unity of mind and heart and having an undivided soul being the ultimate aim of Christianity. Much of my conversation lately has been focused around suffering, whether it be in my life or talking to those around me. And the constant answer is, "We don't know the answer, but God will be glorified." The Glory of God is such a strange idea. As humans we think that God's aim in seeking His glory is self-centered, and he is in heaven constantly demanding praise. When C.S. Lewis was still an atheist, he described this longing for praise as an old lady wandering the streets demanding compliments from people. After being saved, he wrote this in Reflections on the Psalms:
"But the most obvious fact about praise—whether of God or anything—strangely escaped me. I thought of it in terms of compliment, approval, or the giving of honor. I had never noticed that all enjoyment spontaneously overflows into praise...
The world rings with praise—lovers praising their mistresses, readers their favorite poet, walkers praising the countryside, players praising their favorite game...My whole, more general, difficulty about the praise of God depended on my absurdly denying to us, as regards the supremely Valuable, what we delight to do, what indeed we can't help doing, about everything else we value.I think we delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation."

When the mind is passionate about something, the heart enjoys it and the natural response is PRAISE. Praise is most assuredly glorification, and I think the idea is that our minds can understand God, we can think on him and constantly talk about his glory...but the fullness of our glorification of Him comes when our hearts take pleasure in him. So our hearts and minds come together in fullness, in unity, undivided, solely for the utmost glory of God. Essentially, Lewis says, denying the Praise of God is merely not realizing that he is infinitely valuable, that he is of supreme worth. If we recognize God as better than life than our glorification of him comes from our enjoyment of him. Knowing that he is better than sex, he is better than food, he is better than drugs, he is better than human love, he is better than all things! This type of life makes God look great. That is why the Christian is called to "die daily," denying the self what we want most (sex, food, drugs, fun, pleasure) and effectively "choosing" God as greater than all of those things will glorify him most. And what happens in those places is absolutely inexplicable. Beyond words, one can only describe it as complete satisfaction and pleasure- knowing that God is all satisfying, completely sufficient, and more than we could ever need. Our self denial leads to a place where God is ultimate in our lives, and the joy of that is he fulfills. He sets us free from momentary pleasure and gives us an eternal pleasure. Our needs are met by him and we move from suffering to delight because of his ability to pleasure our souls.

Piper puts it this way- God is glorified not only in being seen (his revealed glory) but also in being rejoiced in. When people who see God see it for what it really is, God is glorified. But he is more glorified when those who see it for what it really is rejoice in it! The completion of that person's soul is glorifying God. It is not only mind but heart that is clinging to God, and those two things make up the fullness of the soul.

If as Christians we value this life, it will show. We will have great fear, when things go awry we will cry out in anger and ask why us? But if we value God above all, we know that no matter what happens in this life in the end we get God. When someone takes our stomach away, or our husband dies, or we lose our house- we can know that God is our ultimate pleasure and those things cannot touch it! That is why denying ourselves for this lifetime is a small task- why some will never marry and be ok with that, while some will have cancer and rejoice in that, and while some will be burned alive and thank God for the opportunity to enter into the kingdom of Heaven. Oh how I long for this undivided passion in my life! God give me one desire, and that is to glorify you by enjoying your love, promises, presence, and glory in my life!

"ONE thing that I ask and ALL that I seek is to dwell in the house of the LORD forever..."

Paradox Pt. 3

2009-05-14T12:01:00.000-07:00

I heard recently that my blog is lacking something of an illustrative quality or practical application. I have been piecing through the idea of paradox recently and felt challenged to find an illustration that would quantify my previous blog.

Imagine this- You are you, a reasonably intelligent human being capable of discerning most truths from falsehoods. A mentally challenged person approaches you excited and begins to recount a story. The story entails them capturing a human baby from the roof top of a building that was on fire and under attack from crazed poison shooting aliens. After rescuing the baby from the roof the handicapped person goes to the police only to find that every officer in the station is corrupt and trying to steal his soul. He promptly rushes from the police station, leaps (in a single bound) across the Bering Sea, and returns the baby to it's rightful owner- Robert DeNiro.

You say? Ridiculous! You might be moved with compassion to hear the story to its end, but, nonetheless, you are not likely to believe this farce. It is an outrageous claim made by someone who clearly doesn't not have the mental capacity that you do and so, in your superior intelligence, you reject the tale as inaccurate and at best an exaggeration of truth.

After your rejection you walk away and your parents both come up to you to tell you that this story is true! Puzzled, you ask how they know and they inform you that they were there the entire way. They saw the whole thing unfold and could barely believe it themselves, yet they must because they witnessed it. Convinced that this wild story is truth, would you not be inclined to retell it? However, in retelling it you would note a few things.

1) You couldn't believe it either. Some persons that you trust dearly must convince you that it is true. It was outside of your knowledge and so you can have no claim to the belief itself without being convinced.

2) This story is insane. You probably won't believe it.

So the story represents the crucifixion, resurrection, and ascension and all that comes with it. The idea that Jesus came as the Son of God and bore the sins of all of humanity at once is absolutely absurd. We are not inclined to believe such a tale without help. The witnesses are those who have given us revelation (Paul, James, John, Peter, etc) and ultimately God who has revealed Himself to us. They give us the ability to believe- someone we trust and rely on who has superior reasoning ability to our own is likely to convince us of truth. That is why we have teachers.

The belief in the story is our faith in the work and grace of God. So think on these things...I hope this helps.

More on Paradox

2009-05-12T11:39:00.001-07:00

As I said yesterday, there is not much on earth that claims to exalt the humble and humble the exalted. However, Christianity does lay claim to this statement and in fact proves it to be true. Christianity also moves towards glory in suffering, power in service, wisdom in submission, and the list goes on. It is difficult to give these paradoxes real, tangible reasons for existing within the faith, but I will try to do just that.

1 Corinthians 1:18 says the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to we who are being saved it is the power of God. We also hear that God will destroy the wisdom of the wise and the intelligence of the intelligent. He chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, the weak things to shame the strong, the lowly things and things that are not to nullify the things that are. So that no one may boast.

One of the more commonly repeated themes of the New Testament is that boasting should be done in Christ alone, not in our own works. So why on earth would God ordain a religion and faith that seem so backwards to what humans are accustomed to? So that all glory and honor would belong to him. Without the knowledge of God given to me I would not be believing. I surely would not put my faith in a poor Jewish man and some story of virgin birth, life, crucifixion, and resurrection. Ultimately, God ordained the paradox of Christianity to show us his power fully and with great clarity, knowing that no man who believes would believe in such a foolish message were it not for the validity of it in his own heart.

1 Corinthians 1:30-31- "It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us the wisdom from God- that is, our righteousness, holiness, and redemption. Therefore, as it is written, 'Let Him who boasts boast in the Lord.'"

Because of His sovereign grace we find ourselves believing. Our faith is not attributed to our own hearts, for our hearts are wicked and deceitful. Faith is granted by the new heart which is given by God. Our faith is the gift of God, it is because of Him that we are in Christ Jesus. Let us not boast in ourselves but in God for granting us the faith to believe in what once seemed to be the most foolish of all messages, the message of the cross. Through his infinite mercy we find ourselves believing, and the once foolish message has become for us the basis of our own righteousness, justification, holiness, and redemption.

The Paradoxical Christianity

2009-05-11T11:24:00.000-07:00

I have been reflecting much on the nature of Christianity. Quite obviously, the religion in itself is much backwards in the eyes of culture. There are not many other ideas prevalent in society that encourage the worship of a man who was crucified. The encouragement for improving your heavenly "status" is to take up your cross, deny the things that you wish to do most, and follow the man who leads us to the crucifix. The mark of a Christian is a cruciform life. It means that as Christians we are meant for something greater than a life of external comfort and situational happiness.

In Philippians 3 Paul writes that he considers EVERYTHING loss for the sake of knowing Christ...and he goes on to write one of the strangest passages in history v. 8-10 ff.- "...For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death..."

Paul says he has lost everything in his life and it matters not, because he has gained God and righteousness and even more, through this suffering, he has shared in the fellowship of the suffering of Christ. I am not aware of any other religion that has this approach to life. The ascetics do life without "pleasure" trying to isolate themselves from indulgences of the flesh, but they are hardly making the same statement as Paul here.

Some of the foremost persecutors of Christianity claim that the greatest unanswered question in the universe is how do Christians explain pain and loss in the world. The answer, I'm afraid, is not an easy one. It is not simply that God justly punishes in this life those that deserve it, and all those who live faithfully are rewarded by happy circumstances. The answer is this: Human suffering is an act of God in isolating the spirit of a man and calling him into fellowship with the Son. When Jesus Christ died on the cross he uttered the words, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" Not because God turned his back on him, like many believe...but because the God man, only familiar with living in the direct presence of the father, was quoting Psalm 22 in death. It is not a moment of weakness in his spirit, it is a word of encouragement for all believers from that point forward. Those 9 words will change our view of suffering for eternity (or at least, should change our view). When the human spirit loses all things and sinks to the deepest possible point it is generally overcome with the sense of loneliness, fear, and depression. These words change that perception if we are willing to see that in that moment of sadness, loneliness, fear, depression, or bitterness Christ is there. Christ's act of humility in leaving heaven to save all of us puts him in a place of suffering that we can only meet, we cannot exceed. And so by suffering, Christians are uniting with Christ. When we lose all things we are by default in a place of Spirit where there is only Christ, and he is seen with more clarity and resolve than at any other point in the Christian life.

So how do we respond to suffering? Realize this- God is not in the seat of judgment punishing you for sin. He is there, he is calling you...he bids you come, die, and find true life in him that can be touched by nothing.

"Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Psalm 73:25-26

C.S. Lewis

2009-04-21T10:31:00.000-07:00

C.S. Lewis' thoughts on Incarnation and Atonement. I find this illustration of Christ's incarnation to be most moving and thought provoking. It is from his book "Miracles." Enjoy.

“One may think of a diver, first reducing himself to nakedness, then glancing in mid-air, then gone with a splash, vanishing rushing down through green and warm water into black and cold water, down through increasing pressure into the deathlike region of ooze and slime and old decay; then up again, back to colour and light, his lungs almost bursting, till suddenly he breaks the surface again, holding in his hand the dripping, precious thing he went down to recover. He and it are both coloured now that they have come up into the light: down below, where it lay colorless in the dark, he lost his color too” (Miracles, chap. 14) . . . .

Science and Religion

2009-04-17T11:59:00.000-07:00

Long considered unfriendly bedfellows, I have had the pleasure of indulging both of these topics quite frequently in my life. Having a BS in Biology, and studying to obtain a Master of Arts in Theology has created quite a mixture of thought, logic, and research in my mind. One of my greatest quandaries is fielded in the area of "spontaneous generation." Spontaneous generation is the belief that life can unexpectedly arise from a non-living thing. Many many years ago, scientists like Louis Pasteur proved this silly myth wrong, irrelevant, and illogical. And yet today I read an article by one of the foremost physicists in the world stating this:

We must rid ourselves of the thought of spontaneous generation. It is a fallacious idea, and it must be replaced with gradual spontaneous generation.

Hmm...let us dismiss this foolish idea that life can arise from non-living things suddenly...but given time it can definitely happen? I'm a bit confused at the logic here. The reasoning of some of the smartest men in the universe has literally blinded them to any possible truth to be found in areas such as this. I write not to critique to scientists, but to say this-

As Christians we are not to stand back and point fingers at those reaching conclusions we wholly disagree with. It is no surprise that men who do not know Jesus reach conclusions that we clearly identify as folly, the Bible tells us that this will happen. The truth is that God has hardened their hearts to His message. He has deafened their ears and blinded their eyes so they can neither hear nor see the truth. Again, our job is not to stand back and point fingers at the condemned for their foolishness- lest we become them as they point at our ignorance in trusting a divine being. We have two wonderful activities to partake in. 1) We rejoice that God has opened our eyes and our ears and softened our hearts so that we can see Him. We praise God for blessed ears and eyes and His election of us. 2) Like Jesus, we do not simply rejoice in our salvation but we venture into the world to bring life to the dead. When Jesus sticks his fingers in the ears of the deaf man he sighs as he looks to heaven, then he says be opened. And for the first time in the man's life he hears the sounds of the world and he speaks (Mark 7:3137). In Matthew 20 Jesus is called to by two blind beggars on the side of the road. While everyone passes by avoiding eye contact or telling them to shutup, Jesus has compassion on them and he touches their eyes healing them so they can see. He does not merely mock them. He touches their eyes and for the first time in their lives they see not only the beauty of creation but their first true sight is the face of the Saviour of the world standing before them. Memorable?

Let us not stand back and watch the world burn. God has called us to much more. We have been given the opportunity to partner with Christ in the restoration of creation and that which He loves most, mankind. So will you not join the cause and begin to restore sight and ears and life to those around you? Let us not condemn but restore. Thank you Lord for blessed eyes.

Take Your First

2009-04-15T08:49:00.000-07:00

Two and a half weeks ago my mom was diagnosed with stomach cancer. When we found out I spent most of the night crying, bitter, praying for God's mercy on her and my family. After feeling semi-conscious for a week at work I drove home to be with her through appointments and planning of treatment. Wednesday, a week ago today, we were told that her cancer had not spread. By the mercy of Christ it was contained in her stomach. Friday they planned a surgery to remove her entire stomach, and yesterday that plan was carried out.

Unfortunately, the cancer had spread to her spleen, intestines, and part of her esophagus. They removed her stomach, 10 inches of colon, her spleen, and 2 inches of the bottom portion of her esophagus. After moving through this enormous range of emotions over the last 19 days I am completely convinced of one thing:

Jesus Christ is Lord of all.

The word cancer makes Him no less sovereign, it merely makes us more mortal. We must relinquish control of our lives and when we do we will encounter the greatest joy in all of the earth. Knowing God. Not merely knowing of Him, but to walk with Him deeply and to enjoy the riches of His grace. I believe that all things work together for the good of those who love Him. I do love Him, my mother does love Him, my father, and my sister as well. Trust in Him, all you who are weary...I am weary. I will place my rest and trust in Him, knowing that He will never leave me nor forsake me. His mercies are new every morning. I believe that, and therefore I have hope in the darkest night of the soul knowing that in Christ Jesus all that is wrong in the world will eventually be right. I believe God can heal my mother...but ultimately He must be glorified and if He wishes to use my mother's (and family's) suffering to accomplish His means than my most desperate prayer is for us to draw even nearer to Him, and Him to us, during this time of trial. That through this we will know Him more than when it begun and that He will use this suffering to make His name great, for He is the end of all things.

LORD, How I ache for Your restoration of this broken world. I plead for a miracle in my mother's life...knowing that You are far greater than cancer and that with even a word You can cure her. You who calm the seas and created the heavens and the earth. The One who spoke the universe into existence, and came to die that I might spend eternity with you. Heal her body if it is Your will, if not, then Your will be done and not mine. Make much of Your name father in Heaven, be magnified in this situation. Amen...Amen.

Meditations on Psalms (44)

2009-03-24T11:27:00.000-07:00

My reading brought me across Psalm 44 recently, and since that day the words have been bouncing painfully through my mind. The Psalmist begins by recalling the ancient glories of his people and then describing the present griefs. But the part that has tortured my soul for many hours is this:

All this happened to us,
though we had not forgotten you
or been false to your covenant.

¹⁸ Our hearts had not turned back;
our feet had not strayed from your path.

¹⁹ But you crushed us and made us a haunt for jackals
and covered us over with deep darkness.

²⁰ If we had forgotten the name of our God
or spread out our hands to a foreign god,

²¹ would not God have discovered it,
since he knows the secrets of the heart?

²² Yet for your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.

²³ Awake, O Lord! Why do you sleep?
Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever.

²⁴ Why do you hide your face
and forget our misery and oppression?

²⁵ We are brought down to the dust;
our bodies cling to the ground.

²⁶ Rise up and help us;
redeem us because of your unfailing love.

The way the Old Covenant was set up was obedience brought about blessing, disobedience brought punishment. And yet in this Psalm we see not a familiar denial of God as Lord, but a faithful people who are suffering through much pain for reasons that are beyond them. They are bold enough to lay their hearts bare before God...and yet faithful enough to know that nothing will deliver them from this moment but the Lord Himself. So often we attribute our suffering to the enemy and to demons and such (which I believe in fully). But in 1 John 2:13, 14 we read that we have overcome the evil one. That like Job, Satan has no power over us, evil has no power over us except what God allows for our sake. We do battle a sinful nature- but our new heart is pure. Our new heart is not under the control of Satan. So when we suffer we must turn to God and rely on Him. Our hearts will be purified in suffering and we will grow like never before, but only if we are like the Psalmist...brought down to the dust, bodies clinging to the ground...knowing that only the hand of God will lift us from the mud and mire and set our feet on solid ground, whether in this life or the next.

Waning Energy

2009-02-10T23:25:00.000-08:00

Any one person who knows me could tell you that I am a few things:
1) Laid Back
2) Opinionated
3) Hungry

These things acting together (or apart) can and do get me in trouble. However, since I am opinionated and think that at times it's a good thing, and don't currently have a problem being morbidly obese, I'd like to focus on being laid back. The problem with being laid back is that it often turns into laziness. Upon returning home my mind knows that I should promptly enter into my room and commence homework for the evening. But my oh so powerful body coaxes me into the living room to glance at the TV. In the past, it would not have been a strange happening to watch 9 hours of TV on a day off. Or to come home from work every day and watch 5 hours of TV.

Now by no means do I think that TV is evil. Nor do I believe that everyone should destroy cable because we would probably find something worse to do with our time. But for me I know this is true: When I sit in front of the television for any extended period of time my mind goes numb. I no longer feel any urgency about the gospel, I do not remember that I have many friends who are dying, and I certainly do not find myself trying to wrestle through any of my struggles at that point in time.

I would be willing to contend that for most of us this is true...and that's the reason we watch TV. It takes no effort. After a long day the last thing we want to do is engage the people in our home in active conversation (at the risk of disagreement which causes even more thought). We certainly wouldn't want to stare at some of the issues that have haunted us for months or years in the face (i.e. lust, pride, lethargy, sloth, gluttony, etc.). So we sit and all of our highly defined megapixels line up exactly in a row stealing precious hours of our time from Christ.

Ask yourself this- would I be more apt to walk deeply with Christ if I spent less time on the Internet or on television? Be honest. It hurts when I am.

Another thing about this "free time" everyone on earth is lacking and enjoys so much. When you have a little free time it does not seem like enough. When you have a lot of free time it does not seem like enough. No matter how much time during your day you have- the more you don't do anything the more your body does not want to do. Try waking up in the morning and working out or going for a run- you're wide awake for the day (until you sit down and don't move for 3 hours). Then try getting 11 hours of sleep, waking up and moving onto the couch for 3 hours. I bet you feel exhausted and take a nap. It's interesting. :D

Stupid Movies

2009-02-08T00:57:00.000-08:00

Despite being incredibly delusional having watched one of the worst movies I've ever seen- I must stay awake to relay this message to the twelve people who read this blog. Disclaimer:

The following is one man's opinion worded strongly on society and films and in no way reflects anything other than reality and Biblical Christianity.

That being said- If you pay money to watch the movie He's Just Not That Into You, I will take you into an alley and stab you as many times as possible before leaving the scene of the crime. Holy Cow what a monumental brainwashing, waste of time and money, and ridiculous plot. I went to go see it tonight with Lauren (Date night- woot woot), and figured it would be a decent little love story. Unfortunately, we were all horribly misled. Now keep in mind I am not the most critical movie watcher, nor do I generally hate movies for "implying" something I don't personally agree with. But this movie blatantly states over and over that
1) One does not need to be married in order to
a. Have sex
b. Live with another person
c. Be in love
d. Be happy spending the rest of life with a person.
Marriage is embodied as the cornering of an unstable man by a demanding woman usually resulting in ultimate unhappiness of both. So why be married when you can wander around and have casual emotionless passionate sex with whoever right? Yeah...spread that message Hollywood. Thanks!
2) When you are married you may still be able to find the person you were "really meant to be with." If that is the case, then one should immediately
a. Get divorced and remarry the "real one" and live happily ever after
b. Get naked with the person and have a passionate affair
c. Become best friends with that person and spend lots of time together tip toeing carefully around actually having sex so it's not a real affair.

So again- Marriage is a hollow cop out for women to control men. And the way men should react is to begin searching constantly for the woman who will really make us happy and leave the lady we promised to love forever. That'll teach her.
3) Girls should continue throwing themselves at guys over and over again until the right one doesn't sleep with them and not call them back. Then you'll know you're really in love.

I am so angry at the world right now. Most especially because there were roughly 14 students from Northwest Christian High School present at this movie (my place of employment), 7 of which were young girls being convinced of this garbage. Why do we continue to spread this message and then wonder why kids are sleeping with each other at 13 years old and thinking they are in love? Either stop letting them watch this crap or get used to it. I hate this, I really genuinely do.

If I could say one thing to the young girls of the world it would be this: You are a beautiful young girl who deserves to be treated honorably by a righteous young man who loves God. You do not need anyone other than Jesus to make you happy, and when you have reached that point it may just so happen that a boy comes into your life and says and does all the right things. If he loves God, and you two continue to walk with Christ daily- you will be given one of the greatest gifts on the entire earth- marriage. Not Hollywood warm fuzzies marriage, but the kind of marriage we read about in Scripture where husbands love their wives and lay down their lives for them. They provide for them and care for them and love them deeply- more and more each day. You will feel beautiful and be beautiful in the eyes of God and your husband. This is marriage- the earthly example of the relationship between Christ and the Church. Marriage DOES NOT END IN THIS LIFE TIME! And it is gratifying for that life time when done right.

"Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him." Matthew Henry

Proberbs 31:10-12 A wife of noble character who can find?She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm,all the days of her life.

2009-02-07T13:01:00.000-08:00

I was reading through Knowing God by J.I. Packer recently when I came across this quote:

"We must learn to measure ourselves, not by our knowledge about God, not by our gifts and responsibilities in the church, but by how we pray and what goes on in our hearts."

I call attention to it for personal reasons mostly, but perhaps it will have the same affect on you as it has had on me. Often times I look at my life and think that I have performed some good in the lives of students and friends and I give enough to the church that I'm safe. I become dangerously complacent and begin to walk in a legalistic pride knowing that I'm doing a good job. I cannot measure myself by my good deeds or by my knowledge about God. The important question is do I know Him? Not about Him, but do I know God? And if I measure my knowledge of God in my prayer life the real answer is no, I don't know God well...I want to. I want to love Him more, I want to know Him better, I want all of those things. But merely desiring to have a better relationship isn't worthwhile. If I were married and I say, "I want a better relationship with my wife," but I don't do anything- my relationship with my wife is not getting any better.

Sometimes I have to toil and labor at my relationship with God. I have to cry and plead for Him to reveal more of Himself to me. And in those times I am made more like Him even when it feels like I am most lacking.

Over and out.

Mongolian Food and a Few Good Men

2009-01-27T00:07:00.000-08:00

Tonight I attended a small gathering of young men from my wonderful, blessed, fruit-bearing church that was a fine "send-off" to one of the greatest men I know. The 5 of us gathered and ate good food, remembered good times, and discussed important issues while basking in the glory of fellowship. As I reflect on as fine a night as I've had in a great while I cannot help but feel slight bitterness in it all.

On Wednesday a U.S. Army Soldier, his wife, and two little ones will pack up their final belongings and leave behind Olympia, Washington. They are headed into California and may the people around them be forever blessed by their presence. I realize I will see you all again soon...but I also realize that I have known many friends and none better than the Jackson family. Your compassion, kindness, love, hilarity, and presence will be greatly missed by many here. Even as I sit here now it is difficult to imagine not having you here to talk with, to laugh, joke, and seek advice.

Ross, thank you for everything. You are a good friend, but a better man...there is none. I am so incredibly thankful for the time we had here- you being the first person I ever met at ECC. Thank you, I'm at a loss for words which is extremely unusual for me, but thank you. I am a better man today because of your influence, and you will not be forgotten. Praise Christ that a church in California will be blessed with your family. That a neighborhood, community, kids, and whoever else will be touched by the authenticity of your love of God and neighbor. I love all of you and I will be seeing you soon.

Christ thank you for people like the Jackson's. Friends that are a light in the darkest night of the soul. Smiles that will lift burdens and walk under them with you. Thank you that they are a part of your church and your body and I have had the pleasure of serving next to them in learning from people far greater than myself. Thank you for your grace in providing undeserved community. You are good, and I am ever thankful. I pray that they feel your presence with them in all that they do.

Sin

2008-12-28T23:16:00.001-08:00

It's late. Greek makes my head hurt. I haven't slept enough lately and the knowledge of not getting enough homework done over break is haunting my thoughts. I procrastinate, write blogs, and spend time with friends when I should be working. Organs inside me crawl very much aware of the work required in order to be "on track." Define normal?

I'm 22. I grew up in church. Things have been easy for me my entire life. I'm really good at telling people about things I don't do myself. Hypocrisy. I've been "single" for 2 1/2 years always on the verge of a poor decision. The same sins that wrecked me as a 14 year old cloud my thoughts today. In my cowardice I want to attribute my trespasses to someone/something else. Most of my life has been about me...plain and simple, it is my world. People tell me I'm nice, funny, smart, talented, charismatic, etc...I'm none of those things. I struggle and wrestle and search and plead and hurt and cry and beg. Things aren't easy. I know my sins. Why won't they let me be?

The last 7 days have bore the aftermath of my wracked brain reaching its end. Christmas break- a break for some but not for I. Holiday for most but for me a lie. I am naked before God. He has stripped me bare and I stand before Him in judgment expecting condemnation much deserved. Instead I hear a verdict stating my sentence has been served. My death and suffering have been accomplished by another- there is good news. My wretched estate has been redeemed by the Lord of the Earth and I weep joyously. Ever thankful, never forgetting, eternally repentant, and overwhelmed with gratitude. Though I was found lacking now I am loved.

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

While I AM A SINNER...I AM A SINNER...and Christ died for me. Praise Him.

Christmas

2008-12-25T00:10:00.000-08:00

Let me first say Merry Christmas to all. I have just finished studying some Greek and felt that need for a blogging fix (currently tapping my forearm to ready the veins for intravenous drug use). So here I am, talking about Christmas, along with everyone else in the world. For most Christmas is a joyous celebration and they don't even know why. I find it strange to party when you don't know why you're partying. Whatever else, people enjoy the days off of work and the time with family. If you read this, here's a crash course update- God created the world and man screwed it up. Since that screw up all of creation has been exposed to futility and struggle and every human being was bound to sin, unable to escape. Apparently sometime in winter roughly two thousand and eight years ago, a child was born to a virgin- the King of the Jews. The King was born not in a royal palace, a sterile delivery room, or even a room of any sort. He was born in a trough in the middle of a barn, and still people came from all over to worship Him. We commemorate his birth with a celebration because He has saved us from sin and made us capable of relating to God through death on a cross. So Christmas is a wonderful/happy/momentous/joyous/miraculous celebration of the fact that a sovereign God did not ignore our helpless estate here on earth but responded to our despair by sending His one and only Son, Jesus, to save those that He has called. Praise Christ.

That being said, I have always found gift giving on Christmas a strange phenomenon. Jesus was born, here is everything you asked for from a man with a white beard. Aren't you ecstatic?

I think to really grasp the idea of gift giving and how pleasant it can be we must first hold firm to the birth of Jesus and what He has called us to do. We must serve- the gospel penetrates our hearts, transforms us, and we become servants to the King born in a manger. As servants we are required to SERVE- we must serve. Buying gifts is one form of serving those around us, and who better to serve than our family? Those that bring us the most grief and headaches- we serve them. We bring them gifts, show them mercy, serve them good food, and worship our God through all of this. How wonderful a Holiday? :D

Last thing: as you move through the day tomorrow remember this.

Matthew 7:11 "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

Amen

King David's Example

2008-11-28T00:41:00.000-08:00

I've been reading the Psalms quite a bit lately. And while I realize that David did not write all of them, he did write around half...which is quite a feat. I remember listening to a Piper sermon talking about, "Songs that Shape the Heart," and the sermon addressed our privilege of always finding ourselves in the Psalms. No matter where we are or what emotion we are experiencing we can constantly find the words to articulate it in the Psalms...and that is an amazing and precious gift.
As I've been thinking on David's ability to articulate emotion and thoughts better than most of us; the thing that consumed my thoughts was his brutal honesty. David never hesitated to let everyone know what was going on in his life. He was the kind of guy you would never ask more than once how he was doing if you didn't want the real answer. If you disagree see Psalm 40:12, a Psalm that was sang in the temple as worship:
"For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me. "

Can you imagine singing those words? In any case...that is far from my point. In every Psalm no matter what the emotion or reason for writing we always see the name of God being praised, and the Psalter has faith that God will deliver him or her from whatever the particular circumstance. I chose David for this reason: David's life in 1 and 2 Samuel is marked by tragedy, trial, adversity, and mourning. The man endured more pain and sorrow than most of us could imagine- and yet in the midst of all his pain and suffering he could turn to God and speak endlessly (about 73 Psalms worth) of the goodness of God. No matter what the circumstance or situation David never refused to acknowledge the greatness of Yahweh...there was no doubt. While he may temporarily feel forsaken his assurance was in God- his fate rested in the hands of his God who has never failed, will never leave him nor forsake him, and who created him and placed him in the midst of whatever struggle and pain he was currently enduring.

Throughout history the Christian church has been marked by an ability to suffer nobly- and the reason for this is those people who suffered long and endured most were granted a portion much greater than whatever they faced in this day. They knew Jesus- and that was all that mattered. I find myself so often complaining about where I am in life; wanting more; unhappy- and quite honestly a whiner.

Oh wretched man that I am. How glorious is God that He would look on me with love? Give me grace to walk this path Father- and I pray that I would suffer greatly in order to make your name glorious to whoever may see.

Prophetic Untimeliness

2008-11-25T12:04:00.000-08:00

"...an unprecedented Christian pursuit of relevance has led directly to an unprecedented Christian irrelevance. (p. 45)" Prophetic Untimeliness- Os Guiness

I'm reading this book. You should join me...it is a quick read, and frighteningly accurate. As I move through the pages I see more and more of the church (myself included) and the words ring true. The point: Evangelical Christians today are in desperate pursuit of relevance and are willing to sacrifice most to gain it- including Scripture, truth, faithfulness, and the Gospel. At one point Guiness writes that we have moved from Solo Scriptura to Solo Cultura. Culture has become the point that defines what we talk about, what we do, and how we act in Church. We have moved from only Scripture- meaning that the Word of God is sufficient and all satisfying, to a world where our church goers have to be entertained. Good teaching is no longer enough- we have to be cutting edge.

I'm not preaching irrelevance...clearly that is not the solution to this. But I do hope and pray for a return to reverance and fearful respect of Scripture. The inspired Word of GOD will never be irrelevant- it has withstood the trials of fire and time for thousands of years- and to think that we can revise and replace the Bible with our own "better" and "more relevant" thoughts is outright stupid.

The Reality and the Return

2008-11-17T22:24:00.000-08:00

It has been a much needed reprieve from the world of blogging recently...most of the "bloggers" I know have joined me in the absence from internet release and I can't exactly say it was all for the same reason, but I can speak for myself in saying that it has been greatly utilized as a period of restoration in my heart. So I come to you, fingers placed neatly on home row, back slouched slightly, ears attentively hearing my good friend Jimmy Needham plucking the guitar strings and singing love songs to God; and I'm inspired...

I found myself in the "pulpit" of our junior high service on Sunday, a place I am certainly familiar with and have grown to love. I enjoy being with the kids, sharing the gospel with them, trying to make them laugh...but this week we talked about giving. Giving. Can you think of a topic that makes Christians and non-Christians alike so uncomfortable? After giving my own version of a sermon on giving I enjoyed hearing Pastor Dale Oquist speak on the same subject with wisdom and charisma...but parting the church yesterday I was left with afterthoughts. I am by no means trying to undercut anything that was said Sunday...I believe it whole-heartedly. It is hard to give...but we have to do it. But my thoughts on the subject sort of unfolded this way:

1) At some point I'd like to hear the story of someone who gave to God and didn't have enough to keep their house...but through it all God was enough.

2) Do we really do "automatic withdrawals" from our accounts because writing a check in church is too difficult?

3) Somewhere along the way I think we lost the attitude of giving as an act of worship.

Again, I want to state that these thoughts are not mutually exclusive from the sermon on Saturday, nor are they contrary at all to what was said...I just want to clear some things up. I do believe that when we give to God He will provide for us and that provision will be exactly what we need. But sometimes what we need isn't what we want- i.e. we want to keep our house even though we can't afford it; so in turn we stop giving. I always hear stories about people who wanted to keep all their stuff and still give and they always had just enough. Praise God for that...but some weird part of me longs for a story of a man who gave his tithe and his offering and couldn't afford his house or his car or his HDTV so he sold it all...but ultimately was more satisfied with a deepened and richer walk with Christ than everything he possessed. I think sometimes when we focus on giving as, "God is going to provide for me so let me put this out there and see what the return is..." we are left with an undefinable awkwardness. That's not the call, giving is not only our responsibility, it is our great joy to give to Christ- and it makes Him look glorious which increases the joy we experience. So with our new heart and desires we help others and we push back darkness and God is the center of those actions- not ourselves. That's why we don't "let our left hand know what our right hand is doing." God is made to look glorious when we give in the midst of economic turmoil and struggle with a joyous heart...

With all due respect to everyone who reads this blog (whoever you are- the one lone soul) I hate electronic withdrawal tithing. Ugh...it turns my stomach. Giving is worship- musical worship has hijacked our worship language and so we think of singing as worship- and when we don't even know when our tithe and offering are removed from our account I think we are missing the point. God doesn't need our money but our giving out of obedience and in joy glorifies Him. And to miss that opportunity for worship is stupid to me. Sorry if you are offended...

I'm pretty opinionated.

Moron Jonah (you know that's good...)

2008-09-24T11:25:00.001-07:00

I couldn't resist. I have since moved on from my reading in Jonah, but I can't help judging him. Which is kind of the point of the story I suppose? This blog is based on a few thoughts...1) Why is Jonah so intent on avoiding grace for Ninevah? 2) I find it hilarious when the Bible draws conclusions I don't understand and then I question why they are there. 3) It sounded really fun.

In answer to number 1- Why didn't Jonah want grace for Ninevah? What was it about these people that made him want their ultimate demise. Jonah was proud, and more than that, he was apparently a racist. I have done some research on the subject, read some articles, studied, prayed...all that jazz...and all signs point to Jonah wanting the best for Israel, and for everyone else to suffer under the wrath of God for what they've done. I mean, they are getting what they deserve, right? That was Jonah, they get what they deserve. If we're honest with ourselves, we think the same way. But the truth is, none of us get what we deserve. Jonah deserved to die, which is why he said throw me overboard and the sea will calm. He knew what he deserved only after God showed him. But we are all sinners, so when we wish ill on others because they have done wrong, we are wishing ill on ourselves because all we do is wrong. All of us like sheep have gone astray, each one has turned to his own way...(Isa. 53:6). All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23). We love the grace of God, we talk about how good the grace is to us and how God's grace has saved us. But why is it that we don't realize the guy on the corner who is a drug addict needs the same amount of grace as us. It wasn't measured out relatively, ALL HAVE SINNED!! ALL FALL SHORT! ALL HAVE GONE ASTRAY! The measurement was the cross, and we are no longer found wanting. Grace is sufficient for all...so rather than wishing God's wrath on others, why don't we share His grace?

2) The Bible draws conclusions I can't, and then I question them. In Jonah 4, God gives Jonah the plant for shade and then a worm eats through the plant. Jonah is dramatic and says kill me now, but apparently somewhere in there God decides that he has pitied the vine. The first time I read this I thought, "Whoa whoa...where did he get that from? Jonah never said anything about pitying the plant." And then I was like, "Oh, yeah, He's God. He can read his stupid mind and know exactly what he's thinking." So God teaches him a lesson from thoughts he didn't even convey. But isn't it just like an arrogant human mind to act and pray and speak one way and in our minds have an attitude in the opposite direction? Oh yes God heal them!! I'll pray for you, let me say all the words I know need to be said, and all the while my heart is wicked and black with gossip and bitterness...as if I can hide my thoughts from God? Even when I pray God doesn't hear my words, He hears my heart...and that is terrifying because my heart is unbelievably evil.

Oh Lord that we would be transparent and authentic, not lacking in anything but believing in faith that You are right. Trusting in You for You know more than we do.

Jonah

2008-09-15T22:12:00.000-07:00

I read two books of the Bible today. Before I finish bragging they were Jonah and Obadiah, so not that impressive. :D But anyways, I read the book of Jonah and something in it hit me for the first time. I always though Jonah ran because he was scared, chicken, yeller...and because he didn't want to go into a pagan city and proclaim God's wrath. In Chapter 4 he actually confesses his reason for running..."Oh Lord, is this not what I said when I was at home? That is why I was so quick to flee Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. Now, O Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live."

What a strange answer. I didn't wanna come because I knew I'd come here, tell them you'd destroy them, they'd get scared and act right before they got smacked right, and then you'd show compassion on them. Weirdness...why's Jonah so dumb?

I think we are this more than we care to admit. We want to see people get what they deserve. I know I do, even when I'm driving if someone flies past me (which is infrequent cause I'm the king of the road {Contrary to what nelly says}) I think to myself, how great would it be to see them get pulled over about a mile up? We like to see people get what they deserve, and yet we never want to get what we've earned.

Hypocrite? I know I am. (That may be my knew slogan)

There is no title to this blog...dang it...

2008-09-13T01:03:00.000-07:00

It's late. My fan is humming in the background. I've been tossing and turning in silence for a few hours. Laughter is less appealing now than it's ever been. Everything hurts. I'm worried about the future...what does it hold? Where will I go? Who will I know? And more importantly, who will know me? Does anyone even know me now? It doesn't seem like it...sometimes I surprise myself.

I think sometimes God speaks through our hearts and we stumble into something/some place that we never intended to be. Every once in awhile that's greatness...other times it's simply a great thought. In my moments of surrender my mouth moves and things come out that I didn't know were there. God explaining Himself to me? Probably not...discovering reason and purpose for something I've been drawn to? Could be. Maybe I'm simply hysterical and hallucinating a reality that never really existed. Maybe I've created this alternate universe to dwell in simply because the harsh world I really exist in has beat me to a bloody pulp. Or just maybe God is slowly revealing His plan to my super slow mind and tonight two pieces of the puzzle fit together. But it didn't look like I thought it would. Stupid puzzle. I didn't choose it, it chose me. So now what, puzzle? What do I do now when it seems my rope is ending? Wait.

I will wait.

The Bucket List

2008-08-31T23:00:00.000-07:00

I recently watched "The Bucket List" with my family and I really enjoyed it. If you haven't seen it, I would recommend it although it is a bit sad. There is a little language in it and some other stuff to deal with, but all in all it is a solid film. Plus, I love Morgan Freeman. But that's not the point. At the end of the movie Carter writes a letter to his buddy Edward and this quote ends it...

"My pastor always says our lives are streams flowing into the same river towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls. Find the joy in your life, Edward. My dear friend, close your eyes and let the waters take you home. "

I struggle with a lot of points in the quote looking at it theologically (obviously), but more than anything I enjoy the tone. Close your eyes and let the water take you home. It seems a bit like life is leading you somewhere doesn't it? Like life isn't just some random grouping of sporadic events thrown together in space and time to eclipse a span of 40-80 years. It's not as random as we'd like to thing. So I guess...where is life leading you? Where has the river of your life drifted by, and where exactly are you headed?

Such a sweet revelation

2008-08-30T23:42:00.000-07:00

I love the Bible. I love that when I read the Bible different passages mean different things to me at any given time. I love this book, I love the men (and women) who wrote it and starred in it.

I was reading Hosea tonight, my final stint in the book, and it jarred something sweet. As I read in chapter 14 Hosea calling the Israelites to repentance I couldn't help but weep in seeing myself in this book. "Return, Oh Israel, to the Lord your God. Your sins have been your downfall!" Attributed to nothing but our own rebelliousness, the broken nature of the world revealed in the destruction heaped upon a nation at this point. But he doesn't stop there. He urges them to repent, not in fear but in love and rationale. To see the goodness of God and come running. Hosea says take words with you. This is the ultimate statement. He's telling them, He doesn't want your money or your sheep or your cows or your wood or grain offerings! That's not what He is after! You are missing it, take words!! Bring words to the altar...words that show your heart and repentance, for once. It's all you need, cut open your heart and pour yourself out on this altar, calling out for help and he will come. I hear the desperation in Hosea's call to his people and I am overwhelmed with sorrow. Not only for them but for myself.

But there is more, a beautiful word and I am so glad he put it in there because it comforts me. As he talks about never forsaking God again we see God's nature. "For in you the fatherless find compassion." How amazing and wonderful is this God Hosea sees? Not that people should come running to Him in fear of His wrath (although it would be justified) but that they should come running in view of His mercy. He will provide all that they need, just come to him with an authentic heart and desire for Him.

"And oh how lovely, is the King in all His glory. Is the Christ who is holy, who was, and who is? And how amazing, is His love so unfailing. It's His grace that draws us near...It's His grace..."

Olly Olly Oxen Free?

2008-08-22T23:53:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder why we struggle the way we do? Why in our greatest moments we feel like we can do no wrong, and yet any amount of time later we are left lacking...thinking we can do no right. I've always mused over the fickle nature of inspiration. I have time and again had thoughts like Peter, even if all the rest fall away Lord I will surely not. Brief fractions of time where I had the faith that could move mountains. I would die for God. I would never sin again. I was through with my old life.

And then the inspiration faded like a hit sitcom starring Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski and I was left feeling alone, in the dark once more just getting owned by sin. Where did that other guy go? Like Peter, the guy who cut off the guard's ear ready to fight to the death to rescue Jesus. And then even hours later denies the Christ he was going to die for to a little girl. WHERE DID IT GO? Why does inspiration have to leave? Such a fleeting desire...why must you continuously play with my mind?

What in the world?

2008-08-17T23:12:00.000-07:00

So I was watching the Olympics and listening to some MC today...no not Hammer, Chandler. He put this thought out there about how we expect everything in life to come quickly. Things just keep getting faster and faster. For instance: Emails, instant. Text messaging, instant. Customer Service, Better be quick. And finally (as Dane Cook would say) DMV, still takes forever.

I found myself holding true to this idea today. I was texting Lauren and when it would take like 30 minutes to get a response I wanted to freak out and throw my phone. Then I'm going over to the Oquist's crib for my play date and I hit traffic on I-5 north at 5:30 and I'm laying on the horn. "What in the world?"

In a world where we want everything instantly, "spirituality" does not fit into culture. What God promises is the relief from carrying the burden of sin, not relief from sinning. So being sanctified can sometimes feel like we aren't moving at all...and because we have been so oriented towards instant gratification we end up quitting on something. I'm guilty...again.

Forgive me Lord for my impatience. Help me to trust in your timing and not my own desires. As I wrestle my flesh will you triumph in every battle, outlasting and enduring the onslaught of the enemy. I will wait for you Lord, and strength will rise as I wait. Amen.

Puzzling the puzzler

2008-08-11T10:04:00.000-07:00

Lately I've found myself absolutely mystified by the simplest things. For instance, I can't look up at the night sky for a period of time less than 3 minutes (am I exaggerating? You'll have to see me to find out...but yes). The way the moon and the stars perfectly compliment each other is phenomenal. The silver light that streaks across the sky, and the difference in luminosity of each and every star. It's absolutely breathtaking. Or even more spectacular to me is the majesty of moving water. I have not recently had the privilege, but in the past it was quite frequent...to stand at the edge of solid ground and watch the waves smash into rocks and sand. I stand there paralyzed in awe of creation...wondering how two towers of strength could collide so frequently and yet neither is dismayed. Water violently ricochets off the rocks and it takes years and years to even make a dent. The power of the ocean, the strength of stone. It seems the two have been destined to butt heads until the end of time.

I've never felt so small. And at the same time, God has never looked so big.

The Surrender

2008-08-07T15:16:00.000-07:00

Those of you who are close to me know a few things that others may not. Let me clarify: I struggle with pride. There are moments in my life where I look at someone and something and think/know I could do it better than them. And these moments are not rare. There are many other things I deal with daily that I will not mention on here for the sake of well...my pride, dignity, time, whatever else. But stemming from pride I have this overwhelming tendency to judge people. I don't mean judge the sinner and prostitute and drug addict...somehow God has granted me the wisdom to know better than that. I have found myself judging Christians. Almost daily. I look at people in all their situations and wonder if they are Christians, if they are real, or even if they are worth my time.

I hate this. Haha, I really do hate it. God has been hammering me lately that everyone has their issues. Everyone has problems, myself included (probably more than most) and yet I would never want someone to look at me and judge me on the spot. My biggest problem is being so unfairly critical of pastors. In nakedness to all of you, I say that I fear my own heart a great deal. So when I see pastors with lots of money, lots of stuff, or even pursuing those things I have a problem with it. The real issue isn't them, it's me. I realize in my heart of hearts that I need to stop focusing on others and start focusing on where I'm being disobedient, where I'm struggling, and what I need to change.

Thank you Lord for this realization. Oh that I would rejoice in you and boast only in the cross. Humble me Father, and leave me in this desert as long as it takes me to learn.

It's Been Awhile

2008-07-27T23:45:00.001-07:00

I feel sorta streaky in my blogging, but lately it's not because I've felt uninspired, it's more like I've felt immovable. The more and more I delve into Christianity and theology and Biblical truths, the more these two things happen:

1) I feel so utterly disgusting the closer I move to the Lord. And yet I know that one foot must go in front of the other, inching my way to the throne.

2) The heavier the weight.

The second one has loomed over my heart and mind for the last few weeks, circling like a vulture over its prey. As depressing as the thought is that I have a charge to remain holy as He is holy that is totally and completely impossible for me to keep...it is even more depressing that I have missed by so much that the world is a worse place because of it.

If you are reading this, don't kill yourself just yet, it gets better. The good news is this: Jesus Christ came to die so that our impossible mission would be His work on the cross. The closer I get the dirtier I am, and the more I dig the greater the pressure. This pressure is natural in light of our calling, but the words, "my yoke is easy, my burden is light" come rushing to mind. How so?

Well, in my mind this is how it works. We struggle and fight in our sin trying not to do it by relying in our own will and flesh to resist but we always cave...and yet Jesus says it's easy? I think he means this. Let Him help, rely on the Spirit, we are strong enough to do nothing, but in our weakness His strength is made perfect. For years we have battled and battled maybe some wicked thoughts, or addictions hoping that this will be the time that we are over it...but it's not our battle. God says give me the sword and take my hand, I will lead you beside still waters. I will lay you down in green pastures, it will be easy for you if you let ME do it, instead of trying to do it yourself.

Help me Lord, this is my deepest regret...that in my pride I for so long have relied on myself to defeat darkness. Help me...

Josh Hamilton

2008-07-15T11:42:00.000-07:00

I read this story today on ESPN.com. It's by one of my favorite analysts, Peter Gammons. He writes about last night's home run derby where national inspiration Josh Hamilton belted 28 home runs in the first round (unheard of) and an entire city/nation fell in love with him. Hoping, pulling, believing that the miracle round would never end.

Enjoy...

Hamilton an inspiration in so many ways
Tuesday, July 15, 2008 Print Entry
NEW YORK -- One of the best things about baseball is that someone else comes along and recreates being the hero. Out of the embers of the Black Sox scandal came Babe Ruth. As a nation regrouped between World War II and the Korean War, Jackie Robinson bravely changed the face of sports and American society.
After the strike that canceled the 1994 World Series and led to the coldest winter, along came Cal Ripken, the dignity and might of the Joe Torre/Derek Jeter/Mariano Rivera Yankees, and then the summer of '98 with Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa. And when that entire era went to black and the waste depository of the BALCO and aging clinics, Jose Canseco and gopher slimeballs reached the desk of George Mitchell and millions wondered if they could ever trust the sport again. There were 55,000 people at Yankee Stadium on Monday night -- most of whom knew less about Josh Hamilton than Darrell Rasner -- chanting Hamilton's name and rooting for a new hero.
Every revelation about Roger Clemens' past and every "collusion" noise that comes out of some parrot's beak has emphasized the need to move forward. That is why no team has signed Barry Bonds, who can still impact any lineup -- owners and general managers understandably don't want to talk about the past. They want to try to move on into an era with drug testing, in whatever form the morphed sport takes.
Two months ago, a general manager said we are watching the unfurling of two dramas we have never before seen in our lifetime, and may never see again. One is Rick Ankiel, who has played less than two years as a position player and is so good a center fielder and everyday player that he certainly could have been here for the All-Star Game, what with 20 homers, 50 RBIs, an .880 OPS and the defensive show he has put on in center field. To overcome his pitching nightmare of the 2000 playoffs, then after six years to become a hitter, and then overcome a blown-out knee … few players are better inspiration for the capacity to never back down or give up.
By now, Hamilton's story of overcoming demons is two blocks from Hollywood. Oh, it's easy to give it a Nancy Reagan "he made a choice" and so on and so on and so on and so on, but the fact is that millions of people in this country get addicted to drugs and ruin their lives. Hamilton beat his demons and is a hero for millions trying to fight back. Steve Buckley wrote about one such person in this morning's Boston Herald, a pitcher from Peabody, Mass., named Jeff Allison, a one-time Marlins No. 1 draft pick whose life landed in the breakdown lane, out of baseball; he nearly died. A month ago, Allison made the Florida State League All-Star team, and while his comeback is a work in progress, he is pitching and living and succeeding, and when Buckley talked to him about Hamilton, Allison credited Hamilton with being his role model and inspiration.
Long after Yankee Stadium had emptied Monday night, Hamilton sat in front of his locker, answering to everything past and present and future. Told about Allison's story, Hamilton said, "I have heard of him, I'd like to be in touch. I hope I meet him. I hope I hit against him one day."
Our heroes can be flawed. The Babe certainly was. Hamilton never stops reminding us that he, too, is flawed and that he's not ashamed to admit it and never will stop fighting.
Josh Hamilton turned the page in his life, and Monday night he helped baseball begin the long, dry healing process of turning the page on the Dark Ages.
Baseball is not about corporate boxes and extracting licensing pennies from poor kids or taxpayer dollars donated to construct ballparks to help billionaires make millions. It is about Babe Ruth changing the sports culture, Jackie Robinson changing America and Cal Ripken changing lives. Baseball has always been able to turn the page because of someone and something always grew up out of the rubble, and Josh Hamilton began the process of turning the page on Monday night.
It is unbelievable what he has done, and now the nation knows it. Hamilton matters and when we saw his friends like Milton Bradley, Ian Kinsler and Michael Young embrace the moment and the future, we saw the awe and the appreciation in their eyes.
These are not the best of times in America, but we look at baseball and see Ankiel. We see what Jose Reyes and Hanley Ramirez have overcome to reach stardom. We see an Athletics pitcher named Brad Ziegler come back from two fractured skulls and take a run at the record for most shutout innings to begin a career. And then we watch 55,000 New Yorkers standing and chanting Josh Hamilton's name. We are reminded that baseball can help us remember what we stand for, not against, what we believe, not what we fear, and that while we learn from the past, what we all want is to open the door to the future.

Peter Gammons

What a great story. This is why I love baseball :D God Bless Josh Hamilton, possibly God's spokesperson to Major League Baseball. A depraved and desolate sport spiritually, I pray that his impact will be larger than bomb dropping heroics...although it is fun to watch.

These colors don't run

2008-07-05T00:45:00.000-07:00

No, not we Frenchie, us!!

Sorry, random outbursts are always fun. So I decided to unveil a little about the reason I love the 4th of July so very much. Some of you are probably thinking, "I didn't even know he loved the 4th of July." Well, I do...and for the three of you reading this, here's why...

Growing up a military kid is something else. You spend a lot of time with your mom, friend's moms, and random patriotic acts. I still remember the summer before I moved to Washington, my dad was deployed (as usual) and my sister was with my grandparents. My mom and I were desperate to see some fireworks so we drove out to the coliseum in Montgomery, AL to watch a show. As an eight year old, seeing massive fireworks lighting up the dark blue sky while listening to the Star Spangled Banner, America the Beautiful, etc., it's a pretty cool feeling. For some reason I found myself to be more vulnerable and transparent than I ever had been at that moment in time. As the cracks pops and booms burst before my eyes the reason for the holiday struck a chord with me. I saw vividly the people who had given their lives for our country, the families that had gone without a father or mother, daughter or son, sister or brother through the holidays so they could protect us collectively. I really started to comprehend the weight of freedom. I began to see what the fireworks were really about.

So as I've grown up the 4th has been randomly emotional for me. Whether I'm in Spokane watching a show, sitting on a random person's back porch alone in the dark, watching some of my crazy friends set their hair on fire, or with somebody I care about...the 4th has some deep sentimental meaning...I can't really describe it, I think you just have to experience it.

So, 4 days late and to a very small crowd...thanks for your service. Air Force, Army, Marines, Navy, Coast Guard, Fireman, etc...thank you. We appreciate it and although we may not act like it at times, we value our freedom. May God watch over you all...

Hoopfest

2008-07-03T19:08:00.000-07:00

Well another year of Hoopfest has come and gone and I am without my fifth champions shirt. An update of our team: Three of us played terrible and Perez dominated which all in all accounted for us going 2-2. But, it was record setting hot, beautiful out, and as always good to see my friends.

For those of you who don't know Hoopfest is the biggest 3 on 3 tournament in the world. This year it starred 6,400 teams, and 25,000 players. It is in Spokane, Washington the last weekend of June every year, and is quite literally my very favorite weekend. It is what I look forward to most with each year as I get a break to go home, visit with family and friends, enjoy the weather, and eat a ton. I have become less and less bitter as the years pass over losses, which is a sign of maturity hopefully. It always hurts worse when you lost though, let me tell you (there will be more on that thought later).

But, all in all, that weekend lived up to the hype. I got to eat, and of course see some of my favorite people. The Gamble house did not reach the expected capacity, but it did fill more than the normal with 6 bodies scattered about in the wonderful air conditioning. In any case, I had a wonderful and informative conversation with my good friend Andrew. Who, ironically, is probably the most intelligent person I know. I say ironically because he chose not to get a high school diploma, and as a grown man his knowledge in just about every field far outweighs anything I can muster (along with most of the people around me). I enjoy talking with him though, it is incredibly stimulating (intellectually, perverts). I also got to see a friend from 6th grade, Jason Crigger...who started my addiction to Hoopfest. Coupled with spending a week and a half with my wonderful parents, partaking in a perfect handshake, and seeing all of my favorite people on this earth, I cannot complain.

So, I conclude with a sign located above the dining room table in my Mama's house...Good food, good friends, good times...I cannot complain.

This is a long one

2008-06-12T23:37:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know me, (regarding the three people who read this blog, if there are even three of you) this blog may be old news. However, in the spirit of honesty and brutality, I must confess something to you. I am a glory hog...I hate when other people get credit or attention for something that I put together, and even more so I hate when I put time into something and it gets no glory whatsoever. You could say I was the poster child for the No Guts No Glory slogan, because glory was my desire. I love when people affirm me for doing well, and I hate when people give me no feedback on a job that I have done. I would like to know if it is spectacular, or crap. For me, there is no in between (Some of you are focusing on the word crap because in your mind it is a swear, get over it and stay with me here...). Mediocrity is not an option in the land of Jake, that's why when I find out that I'm not very good at something I usually do not pursue it. You can call this pride, and you'd be right...I like to think of it as selective participation. For instance, I am terrible at the game speed, always have been...so the last time I played it was about 5th grade. Unfortunately for some of you, that means when I do participate in something that means I am going to beat you at it, but take solace in the fact that if I don't you are better than me. Almost guaranteed.

That being said, there are times when I legitimately ponder if I am a Christian or not. Have you ever had that thought? Sort of like, eternal insecurity. So as I look over the different facets and actions in my life, I can never see the reason God has chosen me as "elect." So I agree with our term, unconditional election, meaning we are chosen by God strictly out of his sovereignty, our actions and will have nothing to do with it. So in that sovereignty, he rescues me from the fires of hell. Somehow in the process of this happening, my mind tells me that I am responsible for myself. The human condition is like Paul says in Romans 7:

15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

It's like he's writing about my life. I want to do good, but I can't carry it out. Every day I say the words, "Lord not for my glory but yours." And yet I constantly find myself searching for ways to be glorified. Why???? It is the most frustrating thing in the world for me that God has fashioned me in a way that all I want to do is better my self-image, seek my glory, make my name known, get rich and powerful and be respected and liked...and the thing that I hate doing the most He asks me to do. That when I act something out or put work into something He says, give me the glory...make my name great...better my image, set aside your life, give it to me, it's mine!! How frustrating is this? I hate it and I wonder why God made me this way most of the time.

But in times of sanity, as God slowly stitches my mind and heart back together I look at the brilliant side of the way he has sewn the universe together. The amazing, selfless work He has put forth, and the hurt and pain that I alone have caused him and it is so awfully, incredibly, painfully humbling. In those times of deepest hurt, and the darkest of nights, I am forced to come to the realization that it was His to begin with. He made the universe, He gave me the mind to work, the hands to serve, the will to succeed, and the freedom to live. The sad thing is, I want glory so desperately and yet when I get it I don't even know how to handle it. Maybe that's why God designed glory only for Himself, because when we get our hands on it it's like a homeless man finding a million dollars...or like grocery shopping when you're hungry, or giving mountain dew to a jr. high boy...when we take it we only want more and more and we can't get enough...we become addicted and we are literally stealing the rug from under the feet of God.

That's why the Old Testament was so painful, because people kept taking the glory of God...that was the original fall of man. Adam said, I want some of this knowledge for myself. Give me the glory too!! I want to share in this action!! So as he ate that fruit, he was becoming addicted to something that would kill him, quite literally. God knew Adam would never be able to handle it, that as long as he lived he would continue the hunt for more and more self-edification and so he brought about the end of life for the first time ever and said, because of this you will have to die. It's painful isn't it? That we have always tried to accumulate humility by deflecting praise and accolades, or trying to attribute it to other things...we even use the words, "Glory to God." But in my heart I try and hide just how much I enjoy hearing my name and not God's and I love when people say, "Jake you did such a good job with this..." So no matter how often I deflect it, God sees the heart. Why else would Jesus say, "You've heard it said don't murder your brother, but to have hatred in your heart is the same!! (Paraphrased by me)" God sees the heart, I can't hide anything from Him.

So I guess what this blog is about is my confession...my "type A" personality of perfectionist problem solver is so incredibly dangerous, especially for a man who wants to be a preacher. I covet your prayers, all both of you reading this...pray for me. For like Paul I do not do what I want to do, and exactly what I don't want to do (what I hate) I do. Pray that if I do preach and teach, that God will be the one speaking and not me, that for a moment in time I can set aside myself and let Him work and say what He wants to say...please pray.

I'm on top of the world....

2008-06-11T01:28:00.000-07:00

Looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find.... Is the love that I've found ever since you've been around Your love's put me at the top of the world...

Aaah, sing it Carpenter's. you old souls starved by anorexia and tormented by self-image. How do I find solace in your words? Simple...like the rest of us, it sounds catchy, I'll repeat it. Take off the filter of critically consuming and let in whatever crap decides to influx at the moment. Jesus called me to be in the world, not of it...well that's tough seeing as I came from dust. Might as well concede the battle now and give in to all my fleshly desires, it's bound to happen sooner or later; right? I used a semi-colon...I swore I would never use a semi-colon on here. What's wrong with me?

Have you ever felt like you're fighting an uphill battle on ice with spears with 1 man charging 500 and they are all armed with semi-automatic weapons? Sometimes I do...and then I just listen to the Carpenter's and sing along..."I'm on, top of the world looking, down on creation and the only explanation I can find..." Yup, all better now.

Crushed by Culture

2008-06-10T00:39:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about including culture and society into preaching lately. I attended the Text and Context Resurgence Conference in Seattle earlier this year and the main focus was on contextualizing Biblical principals and keeping them culturally relevant today.

I think I was fixed on the idea of including culture so much that I didn't realize that all kids get is culture. They are surrounded by it and saturating sermons and preaching with it is only giving more and more of an arrogance to youth. As a young man, I felt like old books, literature, movies, songs, etc were outdated and irrelevant. Now, I have an appreciation for them. I realize the originality, authenticity, intellectual capacity, and beauty of the "classics." Where would we be without The Illiad or Romeo and Juliet in our high school English classes? So as I've mulled over this day after day, I think the major point is this...there is nothing wrong with contextualizing Scripture, but we cannot lose it's originality. We cannot view the Bible through such an arrogant and narrow scope that it becomes irrelevant at all. Hundreds of years ago the French philosopher Voltaire said that, "in 100 years the Bible and Christianity will have passed." Unfortunately for him, fortunately for believers, it has not...not even close, and it never will. There is a reason the Bible is the most popular book ever written, sold more copies than any book ever, and is surviving today stronger than ever. It is what it is because of what it is!!! Does that make sense? :D

So as I browse Barnes and Noble and Christian book stores, I get a little frustrated when I see the Women's Inspirational Bible, the Spirit Filled Life Bible, the Bible for new believers, etc etc. We are "idiotizing" (if I can borrow from Ravi Z. for a moment) our consumers. People are becoming lazier and lazier and pretty soon only a handful of people will be able to look into Scripture insightful-ly and it will be spoon fed to the lazy majority of us who think we "don't have the time" to really study the Word.

I don't mean to sound closed minded, because I think it is great to have tools. But if we spend our days outside of the true Word of God, and I mean the Bible in a real translation...not some paraphrase or tell me what to think kind of thing...we get into real trouble. That should be the source of our information. And friends, I'll say this, because of who wrote it (not only the diversity of the 40+ authors, but the fact that it is breathed by God Himself) the book will never be irrelevant. So let us take it at what it is and truly study it, wrestle with Scripture, don't be afraid to branch out with your own thoughts. But find yourself saturated in THE BIBLE please. I hope.

The Resolutions of Jake Gamble (more to come)

2008-06-05T00:17:00.000-07:00

As I read the Resolutions of Jonathan Edwards, I feel a fleeting inspiration to draft some resolutions of my own. Mostly original, a few borrowed, no better place to share than here I suppose.
Resolution 1: To write at least a single resolution a week from now until I am satisfied with my progress (being long winded, that could be well into the 100's. Also, this was the easy one, one and done?).

2: To redeem every moment of time from here until death. That moments spent in imagining, relaxing, and even sleep would conjure up thoughts of the glory and enormity of God.

3: To please the Lord Jesus Christ in every action, seeking never the accolades nor the affirmation of men. But living solely for the satisfaction and glory of the Father in Heaven.

4: To genuinely connect with and meet at least one new person daily, forever growing in my relationships and friendliness towards the souls of this world.

5: Learn something new daily. Whether as simple as a word or the most complex of tasks, continue drowning in knowledge until my breaths are quieted.

6: To treat people with the utmost reverence and respect as if they were created in the image of God.

7: To daily be a compass fixed on the cross of Jesus Christ so that all who cross my path would find themselves there.

8: The Word of God would be taken as sufficient and life breathing and to never live a day without meditating on it. That, like the Psalmist, I would be like a tree planted by streams of water; dwelling in Scripture every moment.

9: To fear nothing but damnation and the Lord. That His supreme rule and govern over my life would be strictly obeyed as if each moment brought the coming day of judgement. (June 4, 2007).

10: To seek not accreditation for myself, but to honor God by giving Him the glory and praise due His name for His grace in my life.

11: To fill each day with laughter. May I never be ashamed to laugh louder, sooner, and longer than the rest. Whether joyous or sad let my presence be saturated by laughter.

12: Devote my entire life to unveiling the weight and the glory of Scripture.

13. To preach the gospel of Jesus Christ to the best of my knowledge and in the hopes of a miracle of God occurring in the hearts of listeners.

14: To never doubt the grace and acceptance of Christ in the lives of sinners so as to not make any single person feel unwelcome in the presence of God.

15: Never be satisfied. Contentment comes to the proverbial sluggard so continue to strive for the glory of God while alive on this earth.

16: To never fail to be myself. Realizing that God created me in His image and formed me for a very specific purpose, that my own self-actualizations and additions to this life are as much needed as those of people I look up to and admire.

18: To forgive others as Christ as forgiven me. Not holding on to grudges and bitterness but resenting the urge to be human.

19: To abhor sin in all fashions.

20: To conquer the blackness of my heart and completely destroy the lust that controlled me for years.

21: Whenever I falter in sin, to trace back to the root of my failure and temptation completely and snuff it out.

The Anguish of the Universe

2008-05-28T00:01:00.000-07:00

I was sitting here uninspired and I began to think and this hit me. I truly believe that this is one of the saddest passages in all of Scripture...read on.

18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. 19 For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20 For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. 21 For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.

24 Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25 because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.

It's scary to think that God has ordained this. FIrst off that those who claim to not know him will be held accountable at the end of times because His power and nature have been displayed from the beginning of time. That in itself is simply terrifying.

More than anything, the part of this passage that breaks my heart is the end. They worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator. Even in the end, they didn't get it. Have you ever wondered why something like 50% of marriages fail today? Why suicide rates are higher than they have ever been? Why depression and mental instability run rampant through a society with more opportunities than ever before? I do...it is for this reason.

People chose to worship the creature. When we rest all of our hopes and dreams on a single person or even thing (sport, job, etc) we are bound to crumble. Our beliefs and hopes and dreams and wants and needs will eventually be crushed by the thumb of destruction. And when that happens, when there is no hope, there seems to be no where left to turn.
What a heart wrenching thing to read...but written in hopes that people may read it and be convinced to put their heart and hopes in the hands of something eternal. Something that never fails.

I hate realizations

2008-05-27T23:37:00.000-07:00

Ever since God has revolutionized my life, most of my "epiphanies" have been rather painful. In one way or another I come to realize something. Most recently it was that what I thought was dying all along was simply the wrong definition. Now that situation has caused more than a subtle stir in my behavior, and on the brutally honest side I would rather have it any other way than the way it is now. Unfortunately, it is not possible.

Another example, tonight our softball team could have been replaced by a large plastic bag filled with garbage and the result of the game would have been the same. We didn't play offense or defense from top to bottom, and it was very angri-fying. So as a "leader" in my community I feel the need to convey the glory of God in all of my actions, and tonight all I felt the need to convey was a butt-on-my-shoulders attitude and the appearance of a raging 13 year old boy. Real classy. It was this little tirade that caused me to chuckle and let out yet another "soul-sigh." I hate it...I have to change so much. Or, to put it in theologically sound terms, He has to change so much.

My shortcomings can no longer be written off as immaturity and pride. It may have been deemed acceptable at age 17, maybe 18 or 19 as well...but certainly as a man of 22 with a regenerated heart and a passion for preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ...it's time to change.

So yes, as I said...I hate epiphanies. Take them away, keep them to yourself. I'm tired of changing, I want to be lazy again...let me stay in my suck. Haha, I don't mean it but at the same time it is more appealing than one might imagine. Believe me, I have chosen far from the easy way :/

The "Soul Sigh"

2008-05-18T23:58:00.000-07:00

The soul sigh is a term I am going to borrow momentarily from my very close personal friend Matt Chandler. I read it and it clicked with me so I'm going to steal it, maybe for good, we'll see. Essentially, it's an exasperated sigh knowing what's coming. It's that feeling you get when you're a little kid and you've done something bad and you know you deserve a spanking and you're about to get one. That little moment when you go, yup, it's for my own good : / They are not fun moments, but nonetheless they are very much NEEDED moments. Tonight for me was one of the most satisfying nights of my very brief ministry career. I sat and listened to two of my small group students (the only two that came) converse about the work that God has done in their lives since salvation.

Now I don't have kids, but in terms of symbolism you could call my students my children in a way. So I care deeply about these guys, and sharing this experience with them was absolutely beyond measure. I've always heard the phrase that parents can learn something from their children, but I never fully understood it until tonight. As those two boys/men sat there talking, they were uttering the most brilliant things. I was trying to mentally record quotes from the conversation but the nuggets of beauty flowed faster than this little mind could track. I saved a few, but the one that struck me the hardest was this, said from a young man who has been a Christian for roughly a year, to another guy who's been a Christian for roughly 9 months..."I could never relate to the Psalms until recently. It was like I had never experienced that kind of loneliness and turmoil so I had no idea what he was talking about. But lately, I get it. I had to give up the thing that was keeping me from that loneliness...and it's the hardest thing in the world to let it go but it was like...NO! NO! NO! Ok, I know...yes. I just get it now."

I feel ashamed quoting him without making him aware, but can you see the brilliant radiant face of God Himself beaming off of that statement? Let me unveil it a little. God is using the most difficult time in his life, a time that before he met Jesus he deemed absolutely impossible (the old I'd die without you scenario), to draw him into the arms of God. To bring him to the cross, not gently, but with the intent of learning to worship one thing and one thing only. He has been led to the cross to learn what Christ and suffering and surrender and death is all about...and now HE JUST GETS IT!!

It was this that made me let out a soul sigh. I had come upon some rough times lately, but this statement was like, bright light in my eye...Ok, I get it. I'm sorry I've avoided it for so long, it's time to be obedient. After all, obedience is proof of love. Obedience proving love and leading to joy...maybe not now, but as a time in my life approaches rapidly and I am forced to submit to the will of God rather than arrogantly assuming I can write my own story here, joy will come. Joy will follow the heartache and loneliness and sorrow that stem from dying to self.

God's not just some bully who wants to spoil all our fun. So often we see dying to self as torture (which it absolutely is, believe me) that is endless and totally pointless!! We skip right over the resurrection and the restoration part. As we die to ourselves, more of Christ comes to life in us and we begin to see the ultimate restorative plan He was writing all along (not to mention the red marks where we tried to pen the biography). That's the issue I have to deal with...set aside your pride Jake and recognize that you can't do this on your own, and maybe, just maybe He knows a little better than you do what is good and what's not. It's not easy being green...

"...So we fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12

China Earthquake

2008-05-13T10:42:00.000-07:00

Hello friend(s), However many of you actually read this blog. I'm certain it is not many. I wanted to ask if you could to please remain in prayer for the people of China. If you haven't heard anything or read about it, there was an earthquake in Dujiangyan, China that has totaled more than 8,000 deaths so far and the list is growing rapidly. Comparatively, this is almost 3 times the amount of people killed in the World Trade Center disaster here in the United States.

It is my hope that the country will remain open to assistance and relief as it is now for awhile. Experts say as many as 18,000 are still buried, and so I beg you to pray for them...if you don't pray then keep them in your thoughts as we plan how to help them. I can't imagine the pain and anguish that some people are going through as they search through rubble, dust, buildings, trees, and dead bodies to try and unearth a son or daughter or mother. What an awful event and I hope that the hundreds of thousands of people affected by it feel the prayers of an entire country and world lifting them up.

People Pleaser + Pride = Chemical Rxns

2008-05-12T00:03:00.000-07:00

Let me preface this blog by saying this about myself. I'm a confident guy, I try not to be arrogant or cocky, but I am confident in a few things. Number 1...I can talk to people. I don't mean that in a crazy way, I just mean I can relate to people and unless I'm missing the point I feel I can generally connect with anyone. Number 2...I feel good being in front of people. If you let me go, I'll go. Now these two things for me can be dangerous as well, number 1 because I have a tendency to over talk things. I keep going and going and if people need to vent then I block them out. The second one is a problem for similar reasons, if you give me 5 I'll take 10, if you give me 20 I'll take 25...see what I mean? It just kind of keeps going. So I am trying to harness these things and use them but at times it can be a bit difficult. This isn't really the point of this blog though, pretty much all that to say, my main idea is this...I struggle with pride.

It is of my personal opinion that most people do, but also that pride is the most dangerous of all sins. It blocks us from seeing that we need God, it prevents us from confessing sin, it makes us think we can be God, and even when we have God we tend to take credit for His hand in our lives. So, essentially, this is public enemy number 1.

Number 2, I'm a people pleaser. I don't care for tension. When something has gone wrong in a relationship I want to fix it right away, and I'll do whatever it takes. If I'm really upset I may have to walk away and calm down, but tension seems so unnecessary and such an easy fix if somebody will step up to the plate.

Keeping those two things in mind, mixed together they make for an extremely difficult time maintaining relationships. When there is tension I tend to ask what I did wrong so I can try and fix it...but generally when people tell me what I've done wrong the pride kicks in and I start to think, well let's not put it all on me here little Mr./Ms. perfect!! You have some faults of your own so let's talk about those. THIS IS NOT GOOD!!! Haha, it has never and will never work for me. God has opened my eyes and is working on me, but this ultimate combination of wanting to fix the problem and somehow thinking that I have no problem in the matter is not a good tool. I'm not sure why God made me this way but I'm certain He has some reason.

So, if you read this and you have been or will be offended by my words in a situation like this...I apologize. I'm learning, I'm in repair, and I'm a work in progress. Hopefully you can forgive me and realize all the bad things you've done to get our relationship to this point. Like I said, I'm working on it :)

The Game

2008-05-10T00:39:00.000-07:00

So I was reading some thoughts online and biographies of some of the great Christian thinkers in history, or I guess I shouldn't use the phrase "Christian" there, but rather followers of Christ...people with enormous minds capable of spinning me in circles and laughing. It kind of stemmed from my earlier post of William Booth's quote, and for some reason lately I have become quite fascinated with the history and reformation...so I stumbled across this little nugget...

"Among the rich you will never find a really generous man even by accident. They may give their money away, but they will never give themselves away; they are egotistic, secretive, dry as old bones. To be smart enough to get all that money you must be dull enough to want it." G.K. Chesterton

The last line struck me immediately, it stood out and jumped off the page. Only the dullest man sits and dreams of being filthy rich. I think of the end of Mr. Deeds here when he's asking all the rich people, "What did you want to be when you were a kid?" Everyone begins to shout out their former dreams ranging from astronaut to pro athlete to weirdo etc. But it's true, no child ever says I want to be rich, only the dullest of minds cannot reach a greater dream than that one.

But as my mind mulled over the quote another part sat in my stomach like I had swallowed a fourteen pound bowling ball belonging to Curtis "The Legend" Thibault. They will NEVER give themselves away; they are egotistic, secretive, dry as old bones. Essentially, they care about nothing but themselves, live in darkness, and are, for the most part, dead. This sheds a whole new light on the interaction between Jesus and the rich young ruler whom He tells to "sell everything you have and follow me." We are beginning to see that maybe Jesus wasn't a lunatic here, that He knew this guy was dead and in order for that dried up heart to beat again he had to surrender that which had killed him in the first place. Intriguing no?

Side note: I bet you never thought you would see a day or blog where Mr. Deeds and G.K. Chesterton were quoted within sentences of each other...write that down.

Preaching

2008-05-01T12:56:00.001-07:00

I preached at FOS last night for the first time and it was, uhh...eye opening. God really humbled me, sadly it was in front of 150 kids. Haha, but I closed the night with a quote and I deemed it appropriate to put that quote up here, on my blog, that no one reads and no one comments on. :)

The quote is by a man named William Booth, as I said last night. He was a poor guy who became a street preacher, and eventually was a reformist and he started this organization that offered Salvation and Christian ethics to the poor, prostitutes, sick, drug addicts, alcoholics, and whoever else wasn't allowed in any other churches. This organization eventually became what we know today as The Salvation Army. He said this in response to a man who claimed to, "not be called into missions." So, check it out, enjoy, wrestle with it...let is get to you a little.

"'Not called!' did you say? 'Not heard the call,' I think you should say.
Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear Him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their father's house and bid their brothers and sisters and servants and masters not to come there. Then look Christ in the face -- whose mercy you have professed to obey -- and tell Him whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish His mercy to the world. -- "

Don't Waste Your Life

2008-04-29T11:16:00.000-07:00

So I was doing some reading and I found an address to a graduating class of a program called, INSIGHT. It's a 1 year college program offered at Bethleham Baptist Church in Minnesota. The address is by Dr. John Piper and the following is a summary of the entire speech given to inspire these students headed into college:

From the intro:
I don’t feel excited when I hear questions like: “You want to be a firefighter? Why are you in college?” “You want to be a homemaker? Why are you in college?”

We’re in school to see a whole panorama of life that comes out in all manifestations of disciplines in the hope that all these beams of light refracted in human minds will lead us to the source of all things so that we know him better.

Every time I send Talitha off to school—she’s in the 5th grade—I try to remember to connect for her what she’s about to do today with Jesus. And not in a superficial way like, if you know this fact it might be useful in witnessing, though that’s true and wonderful. But rather, if you study math, you’re going to know God better. I promise you. As you advance through the complexities of math—from 5th grade to Calculus—you will find out things about the nature of the mind of God that you would not get any other way. It’s the same thing with the way language works. Same thing with processes in history. Same thing in politics and social studies. And art.

So thank you so much for believing that and not being too worried about what you’re going to do when you grow up. You know, I went 4 years to Wheaton, 3 years to Fuller, 3 years to graduate school and at age 28 did not know what I wanted to do when I grew up.

I just knew a few central realities: I love the Bible. I want to use it to help other people obey it for Jesus’ sake.
That leaves open a lot of possibilities!

So you know what I did? I took the first job that was offered to me. Then I took the second job that was offered to me and I’ve been here ever since.

So I’m here to try to share a little wisdom. And I could care less—as long as it’s not sin—what vocation you use this wisdom in.

Mistake #1: Big is better than small.
God uses little David-like people to accomplish huge Goliath-like things because he is jealous to get the credit.
Don’t worry about big. Worry about faithful.

Mistake #2: New is better than old.
Read old books. You need the wisdom of the ages to combat the folly of the present.
When you read books from today, don’t read first and mainly books by emergent writers. Read books first and mainly by old men—J.I. Packer, R.C. Sproul—men with long battled years who have learned not only from the Bible and from books, but from life.

In school, it doesn’t matter what you major in. Just find the wisest teachers and take everything from them.

When great changes happen, it's not from new ideas. The reformation was a great leap forward precisely by going backward.

Mistake #3: Having is better than being.
There’s no correlation between the fullness of life and the muchness of having.
Don’t reduce your education to acquiring marketable skills. Study to become and behold, not to be rich.

Mistake #4: Visible is better than invisible.
The most important things are not visible. God is invisible and he is the greatest reality of all. If you structure your life around sight, it will be out of touch with reality.
Do not be much interested in outward appearance. Be interested in inner realities.

From the conclusion:
If God is God—and he is—small with him is better than big with anybody. His old things are better than anybody’s new things. Being his child is better than having the world. And better to be blind with the invisible God than to see everything without him.

I thought these were pretty profound statements I earnestly wish I had heard them prior to entering college. Then again, I wish a lot of things. I hope these speak to your hearts :)

I've been doing some thinking drinking

2008-04-10T21:45:00.000-07:00

Not really. I have been doing regular thinking, and not drinking. But those are almost the same. So I just finished a paper, on Thursday night at 9 30, the first night the office was back on after months and months off...what a friggin shame. I would have given all 3 of my left testicles to watch that show, and now...nothing. Sigh, what's this world coming to when my teachers assign homework due on a Friday? I hate so much about the way that you choose to be....

So, rather than head home to an empty crib and not a lot to do, I've decided to write a little blizzle...or blizzog...or blog for all you white people who read this (pretty much everyone, right?). I was listening to a John Piper sermon today, and he was talking about this passage in Romans 8. As Paul rights, he expresses how all of creation has been subjected to this futility and is waiting to be restored to the beautiful state "of Eden." As I listened he began to speak so passionately about the state of the world, and how awful it is. Then he said this, "If you don't think it's awful than you live in a bubble, and you aren't sharing."

That statement blew me away, first because I thought it was ridiculous. I had a hard time grabbing on to the thought that this is an awful life, that it is nothing but badness...I mean, there is some good stuff right? But as he elaborated, his insight grew enormously. He wasn't talking about how our individual lives are awful, but the idea that this world has become such a terrible place. Hurricanes, genocides, tsunamis, murders, rapes, and the list goes on...it is not just humans who have been depraved, it is creation to. But as he threw this information out there (while making us all feel great down to our little toesies) I wrestled with it. I fought and fought, wanting to believe that we were not at fault. The truth is...we are.

God looked upon the sin of Adam as so outrageous, as so inhumane and hideous that the world became what it is. So we can look at it one of two ways: The first, this is terribly unfair and unjust and unwarranted and lots of other un's....we don't deserve this. Or the second, sin is a lot worse than I thought it was.

We see in Romans 8 just how much God hates sin, how powerfully and passionately he despises sin because of what it does. It's such a foreign thought to us because we love it...and yet all it does is impose itself on our hearts in place of the Creator. So I guess...think about it. Wonder why there is so much suffering in the world, wrestle with that idea. Good luck to you, it's not an easy road to walk.

Until Next Time,
Jake

I'm Broken

2008-03-31T19:51:00.000-07:00

Two words no one wants to hear, no one wants to have anything to do with...pooped on. OK that's not what I'm talking about, being broken. I watch people preach and preach about how God, "wants to bless you and make all your problems go away...you shouldn't be struggling..." It breaks my heart. I AM STRUGGLING!! WHAT ABOUT ME?? WILL I BE LEFT BEHIND? WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG???

These are all questions I ask myself as rich man after rich man tells me that I shouldn't be struggling. Well I am. I'm amazed that you are not, friend, and I am here to tell you that I struggle. Day in and day out my flesh wars against what I ought to do, the things I want to do scream out and scratch and claw trying to grab control of my heart. They burn and are strong and I hate them...but they won't go away. I never had problems with drugs or alcohol or anything like that...but lust was a problem. It is a problem. God has delivered me in some ways, but the battle rages on as my soul is in torment day and night. I cry out for Him and there are times when I feel Him draw near, yet other times my cries seem to go out and come back empty. In my isolation, in the dark nights of my soul I try my best to cling to Scripture claiming God's sovereignty, His absolute omnipresence...but I cannot comprehend it. They become just words strung together with no personal weight. I know He's there, I know it, but I can't feel it and I want to. Have you ever felt this way friends?

God my prayer is that in this case...in my most vulnerable state and experience that I would latch on to your promise. That in all things God works for the good of those who love Him...that He is transforming me into the likeness of His son. My fear is that I take these words and twist them, believing that my reward is now, that I need to be blessed and delivered. God change me, let me see that being transformed into the likeness of Your Son means that I will suffer with Him, that my brokenness will be transcended by His love and presence. That although I am distraught, afflicted, persecuted, and pressed...I am not crushed. I have hope, I have trust, and I will rejoice in the glory of God all of my days. Let this be my heart Lord, change me. Unlock me and let me fall to pieces, broken by Your holy hand.

Why I'm dysfunctional

2008-03-25T19:11:00.000-07:00

I don't know. I don't know why I act the way I act, why I have to be the best, why I struggle with being proud when I have KNOWLEDGE, FACT, and PROOF that I am absolutely nothing. As I look back at a weekend that had the potential to change my life, and I selfishly took it and smashed it, I feel so selfish, so alone.

I read through Genesis and as I looked at the curse of man, after listening to a podcast and praying, I kept hearing that I'm supposed to be a cultivator. My job is to grow and improve and love and nurture everything in my life, and to do that without reward? That sucks!! My nature, all I want is to give up on things when they are hard. I want to stop trying, or to lash out. Those two responses...flesh. My inclination in almost every reaction I choose...Flesh. I NEED the transforming power of the Holy Spirit to change me. I can't do it on my own...it is absolutely impossible for ME to love and serve when it is not in my best interest...I HATE IT!!! I have that feeling where I want to throw something across the room. Like that Snickers commercial with the viking, just grunt and throw a garbage can at a car. That's what I want! Why do I have to apologize and ask for forgiveness? I have to do everything I don't want to do. I can't do it on my own.

Jesus help me, I may do it well for a day or two on my own, but without you I will fail time and time again. I need you, I need your Spirit, I need. I know that you will give me all the things necessary to succeed, so impute your righteousness. Impute your patience and love and service and nurturing nature. I cannot do it without those things, help me Lord. I want to be a man.

AAARRRGGGHHH

2008-03-10T22:31:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been so frustrated with something you don't know what other course of action to take other than walking away? I have. I am. I'm trying. Lord, how do I remedy a situation I don't even want to be in? All I want is to fast forward through time so I can get to a point where I'm "ready." I'm so sick of this growing and stretching and pain, all I want is to move forward, and right now it's a snail's pace! Walking away gives you perspective, but I don't want to walk anymore. I'm trying to press through, I'm trying to follow, and I only get so far before I, like a dog, return to my vomit. It's such a graphic image and yet it is all we do. We leave shame and sin behind for a moment and seconds later I come back like I can't even remember what it was. WHY ME GOD??? WHY NOW? What are you trying to accomplish in me? Is it working?

But I know you are there, and through your faithfulness you will make me strong. You will carry me through, and no longer will my enemies triumph over me. I will dance around the throne of the Lord forever, even in sorrow I will rejoice, as I dwell in the house of the Lord for eternity.

I want to yearn

2008-03-07T10:10:00.000-08:00

I've been puzzled lately over the fact that this generation of people don't seem to "need" Jesus. Let me clarify, I feel that I need Him, and I probably wouldn't even be alive today if it weren't for him. But I look at people so content with their lives the way they are and they don't seem to need Jesus in any way...in fact, they sometimes seem happier than even me.

As I look back on people like King David, Augustine, Calvin, Edwards, and all the other great names, there was an undeniable dependency on God. In Psalm 42 David writes these words: "Like a deer pants for water brooks, so my soul pant for thee, Oh God." There is a desperation there, a need. He paints such a poignant picture of a deer that is in desperate need of a refreshing drink as we are in need of a drink of living water. So where has this desperation gone? What happened to it? In a world more broken and more hollow than ever before the thought would be that people are in even more need of the loving kindness of God...but we all seem to have turned our backs somehow. Why do we pretend to not need Him? Is it because we are afraid to show that we are vulnerable? In this world so broken we feel the need to cover our desperation and say that we can muster up the strength to do it on our own.

I stand here as a man to tell you all, I cannot do it on my own. In my weakness I am made strong, so I boast and delight in these weaknesses because I know that reinforcement is on the way and that back up cannot be stopped. Not now and not ever...it is for this reason that I am not ashamed to say I need Him, to say I want Him, that my soul is desperate for the company of a God so great that He was willing to go to the greatest lengths imaginable to win my heart. A God so great that even in my darkest hour as I ran in the opposite direction of His arms he chased me, never letting me go too far from His presence. Yes friends, I need Him...you need Him. It's hard to be dependant on someone when we all want to come off as self sufficient and strong, but for just a moment put down your mask and unlock the door. Let the King in, He wants you, to be there for you, and the funny thing is He is the only one who will never hurt us and let us down. Open...Open!!! Be desperate and weak with me, I want to yearn and pant and cry out for the presence of the living God.

Why?

2008-03-05T13:25:00.000-08:00

It's so easy for me to say that I have the story I have so I can reach people. God gave me this testimony because it makes me who I am. I have such a hard time accepting that though, especially as of late. I found myself driving to class today asking God why I wandered away for so long. Where He was all that time, and why He let me do it. I cannot help but fall face first after moments like that, but it seems so logical. My life would be so different today had I not turned my back on God in the past, and who knows, maybe the lives of my friends would be different too. As I drove, crying out my own modern sort of lament, I began to stumble through a few verses from Psalm 51 that I remembered. It was written by David after his affair with Bethsheba, and he says this:

"Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.

2Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.

3For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me.

4Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge.

5Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me.

6Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being,
And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.

7Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

8Make me to hear joy and gladness,
Let the bones which You have broken rejoice.

9Hide Your face from my sins
And blot out all my iniquities.
10Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11Do not cast me away from Your presence
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. 1

2Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
And sustain me with a willing spirit.

13Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners will be converted to You.

14Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation;
Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness.

15O Lord, open my lips, That my mouth may declare Your praise.

16For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;
You are not pleased with burnt offering.

17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.

18By Your favor do good to Zion;
Build the walls of Jerusalem.

19Then You will delight in righteous sacrifices,
In burnt offering and whole burnt offering;
Then young bulls will be offered on Your altar." King David

So much of this applies to my life, but the thing that hit me the hardest was this. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart. God will not despise these things...contrite means to be remorseful, and when we have that attitude God sees that we are sincere. I cannot want anything other than to not have the history that I have, because without wanting it I would not be repentant. I guess what i'm trying to say is that I have done so many foolish things in this life and I hate that those around me in the future will have to pay a price at all for my actions. But I do know this, my prayer everyday is that God blots out my iniquities, and hides his face from my sin. And most of all, that he restores to me the joy of HIS salvation, the salvation he brought to me. And since this has happened, like David my life will be dedicated to teaching transgressors His ways, and my prayer is that they will be converted...from death to life.

The Warmth

2008-02-21T22:06:00.000-08:00

Your love overwhelms me moving all around, I fall to my knees and press my face to the ground. I have no words only tears, racing to the ground with my deepest fears. I crumble to pieces in awe of your presence, saved and redeemed from life as a peasant....and now, forever I am yours.

So sing with me dance with me, children of the king. Let your heart cry out to the love so rescuing. Laugh with me cry with me glorious one, pour your love out through the holy Son.

You stood before me creating the earth, witnessed all my sins since my birth. Never stopped loving I was cradled in your arms, put back together while patching my scars. A bruised and broken life I bring to the altar, afraid of being alone again I falter. Only a little more grace and I will make it through, once more I find myself running to you. But you do not withhold mercy and again I unfold, so easily in your hands with love I am told...forever I am yours

So sing with me dance with me, children of the king. Let your heart cry out to the love so rescuing. Laugh with me cry with me glorious one, pour your love out through the holy Son.